I had to make a very difficult decision last week that has ended in sincere regret. This is something i cannot take back. i am riddled with grief and sadness and need strength. I truly thought i was making the right choice but now i see that i only did it out of fear. I have not been able to get this out of my head and hate myself so much. Please i am begging, i need prayers, i need forgiveness and healing.

My wife and I are planning on a relocation to Minnesota from Atlanta. We are UU’s and have a family with 3 little humans. We haven’t decided where just yet. Likely around the Minneapolis/St Paul area. Any recommendations on congregations with an active community in the area?

The teacher who urges doctrines subversive to existing authority does not, if he is a liberal, advocate the establishment of a new authority even more tyrannical than the old. He advocates certain limits to the exercise of authority, and he wishes these limits to be observed not only when the authority would support a creed with which he disagrees but also when it would support one with which he is in complete agreement. I am, for my part, a believer in democracy, but I do not like a regime which makes belief in democracy compulsory.

https://www.openculture.com/2024/11/bertrand-russells-10-commandments-for-living-in-a-healthy-democracy.html

r/Paganism

Hi im currently a Christian and im having dount in faith I mean today I accepted Jesus for the fidth time But I dont know anymore and Im scared everyone will judhe Me and ill go to hell but please someone help me, :C

I moved to New England from the deep south not long ago. I hadn't given Unitarians any thought, largely because it's not really a thing where I'm from and I've only heard of it in passing a handful of times. But I saw some social media posts from a local church since the election that have me curious. Largely because as an AFAB trans person who is mixed I am so angry right now, but want to... walk the line? Of feeling anger and turning that into motivation without letting it consume me.

I considered going to their service today, but ultimately chickened out. I was raised roman catholic, went to catholic school, church twice a week, the whole shebang and am wary to say the least about religion and especially organized religion. So I guess I'm asking for people's experience on joining, good and bad. And of course, anyone who was raised in a similar religious environment I am particularly interested to hear your thoughts. And what made you decide to check it out to begin with.

I have been considering making UU my spiritual home for a little while now, but have had some hesitations because there aren’t many younger people in the fellowship near me. I’m 32 (childless) and was hoping to meet people at a similar stage of life. Today’s service totally shifted my perspective. The message centered around the disappointment, sorrow, and fear we are experiencing post election, and I have never felt so safe and seen in a room full of elderly people. (I recognize this is my own bias due to being raised in a Republican family.) I am so enamored with UU’s commitment to inclusion and seeking justice for marginalized communities.

So while I’ve decided to join the fellowship, I’m also wondering, are there other UUs of my demographic? If so, I would love to connect with some of you all!

EDIT: Thank you all for your responses! It’s nice to know I’m not alone!

Ive grown up in the UU church and had more time this last summer to go to a few services and i heard that something like at least 40% of our congregation is athiest (including me!). I was wondering how UU reddit skews on this scale? I like the idea of just having community and being with the youth i grew up with there and hanging out with them we have said it doesnt feel like it should have to be called church at this point 😅

By that I mean a person who believes the Bible ( or the Protestant canon of Scripture) is infallible and that its beliefs or commands should be enforced on every one else.

I am interested to see if the “Biblical Unitarian” has been gaining some stronghold in UU congregations. I want to know if a trend towards social conservatism is also affecting the most liberal denomination of the Christian tradition ( notice I don’t say Christian denomination, since upon the merger of Unitarians and Universalists agreed on founding an universalistic and open-minded institution, open to all theistic and atheistic strands of thought that recognize the intrinsic worth of humankind)

"How Deep is Your Love" sermon (Youtube)

Relevant to the previous thread, here is a sermon by Rev. Randy Lewis of All Souls Unitarian in Tulsa OK about a UU minister who voted for Trump.

How are other UU congregations responding to the election? We had an ingathering Wednesday night where we shared our concerns, sang songs and did readings. The minister is also giving a sermon tomorrow about the state of the country.

It can be anything from sermons, statements, forums, special services, education....

I'm a long-time member of the UU Church of Medford MA - known for such luminaries as Lydia Maria Child - author, abolitionist, women’s rights advocate, and Indian policy reformer; abolitionist George Luther Stearns, one of the “Secret Six” who funded John Brown in his militant opposition to slavery, and Reverend Eugene Adams, who marched with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., in Selma.

I watched the election results in the First Parish Church in Concord MA - where once gathered the MA Provincial Congress, calling for Revolution.

My Fellow UUs, enough with the Peace & Love stuff. It's time again to GET ANGRY, and GET ACTIVE.

At this point whoever supports that felon supports sexism, racism, LGBTQIA+ phobia, anti-climate activities etc.-all of which are clearly against UU values. There's a clear difference in morality hence these folks shouldn't be allowed in UU. Many people from marginal communities are UU members and they aren't safe around those "anti-human rights activists".

I was told a very small minority of UUs voted for Trump, and I am really curious why? Trump and what he represents is so antithetical to our UU principles and values, I'm just so curious how someone can both be UU and support Trump.

So I am considering going to my first Unitarian church meeting. Went to one mindfulness group where we discussed some Buddhist literature and philosophies and found the speaker of the group to be heavily consumed with his own personal beliefs and feelings about coming to the present moment. My curiosity in the UU movement as a whole is based on the incorporation of many faiths and appreciation for the wide diversity of faiths throughout the world. Regular attendees: have you found that ministers generally reference or allude to symbology and/or metaphorical concepts present in many faiths during worship sermons? I’d like for my weekly attendance to be a place where I could grow in my understanding of the worlds religions/cultures as well as a place to connect with a spiritually inclined body of people.

https://wagingnonviolence.org/2024/11/10-things-to-do-if-trump-wins/

I'm a 22M law student who grew up UU as a kid. To be honest I hated going to church as a kid and have been an atheist all of my life. I haven't been to church in well over a decade. But looking back I've realized how many of the values that I hold important come from what I was taught growing up unitarian. I felt the compulsion to rejoin the community in light of the recent election disaster. I feel like I'm missing the sense of community and having people to talk to for moral guidance. Especially being in the first year of law school, the communities I'm in right now are severely lacking compassion and morality.

Any advice of how to get involved besides just going on Sundays? I will try to go a Sunday I have free, but I don't have much free time as a law student.

Philosophically I have felt aligned with UU values for most of my life. But I only started attending my local congregation a couple months ago. It checks many boxes for me: extremely warm and welcoming, full of the misfits and outcasts, generally liberal, doing work in the community, lots of small groups, doesn’t tell anyone what to believe.

However, I am a lover of faith, a nerd about faith, I love listening to religious podcasts by people of all sorts of religions and I can tell when people “get it”. I can frame my religious discussion using the terms of many systems and find the different perspectives nourishing.

The lovely UU minister gives nice messages, but much of the discussion is around the fact that we all have Big Questions. What I want to hear about are what people around me feel are their answers.

I want to know what you believe, what gives you life, what nourishes you. I thought a church would have more of this kind of discussion. It feels like everyone wants to skirt around being too concrete or personal about spiritual matters to avoid offending anyone.

Tell me your experience as a UU member. Do you feel like there is space for this in your general congregation or is this a small group thing only? I know you can’t speak for other congregations, but I’m curious what individuals here perceive to be the etiquette and vibe of their own congregation’s UU culture.

I very recently moved to Pittsburgh (alone and am trying to get a read on local churches.

UU’s are so welcoming that it I had no worries about trying out churches, meeting people, etc. Unfortunately the first minister I reached out to was not welcoming on multiple levels.

I don’t want to be gossipy but I do want to explain why I’m on edge about all this. The minister with whom I corresponded refused to see if anyone in her congregation would meet for coffee, saying that UUs were introverted. She said that unless I attend services in person then she wouldn’t think I am ready to receive community.

FWIW, my hesitation to attend services is based on not having transportation, being immunocompromised, and living with chronic severe pain.

I won’t go into the rest; I just wanted to explain my cold feet and see if any ministers here have more empathy.

Feel free to PM me if you have anything you don’t want to share publicly.

Harris hasn't resigned. The numbers are super close in a lot of places. Not everything has been counted out and finalized. There is still room for hope.

I know my hope might be dashed. I know it's unlikely given the election fraud from last time and the people they put in place for this time. I still have hope.

Corporate media may have called it but yet I still hold hope. Until Harris reigns I hold hope.

It's official, the Cheetoh-encrusted, toupee-wearing embodiment of greed and hatred will be president again.

I hope this isn't me being silly, but I believe that as much as you guys are scared for our future and our people, you shouldn't be discouraged.

Whenever awful situations arise, use your fears as a motivator to fight for your rights to put these monsters in their place as your fears can help you become stronger and better than your enemies.

Remember, as much as Trump wants to be a fascist, the US is and will always be a democracy, a nation run by the people, and regardless of whatever ideologies we side with, it's our right for our voices to be heard and fight for your rights.

Don't be discouraged. Be strong. Be better than your enemies.

The road will be tough, but it's how strong enough you are to walk on it that matters.

My partner and I recently moved to a new area. We are in our early 30s, no kids but we both expressed feeling exceptionally lonely and have had a difficult time getting out and making friends. To make it doubly difficult, I work full time from home so I don't have much of an outlet through work either..
We are both very spiritually inclined, me a bit more, but my partner is very open and is an active member of AA and has a strong relationship with his higher power. Neither one of us come from any sort of organized religious background but we do seem to share many of the same beliefs of UU.
We are very nervous to show up to a sermon? (not even sure if that is what they are called!!) but are curious about being apart of this community.
I guess I am just looking for some tips on etiquette and what to expect to hopefully lessen some of this social anxiety. I also understand that we may (besides children) be some of the youngest folks there. I don't particularly mind this, as I often love being around more experienced folks (heh) but I also want to be realistic about whether we can stick this out longterm with such a potential big age gap. Any advice from younger folks on this one?
Thank you!

Curious what various UU members think of the ghostly side of things

It went so well! As a Theistic Luciferian I was super nervous to attend but I was able to actually listen to others talking about their experiences with the church and their personal beliefs, which I always love to hear from people. Everyone was so friendly! I even got a compliment on my necklace! I may never officially join the church or anything but I will enjoy trying it out for a period of time and connecting with others with differing beliefs. I am so happy I wasn't judged for my spirtuality! I also absolutely loved the lighting of the chalice as it heavily resonates with me!

Just wanted to share my enthusiasm :)

Edit: I now see that someone posted their experience of having their first service before me! So happy for them!

I grew up Jehovah’s Witness and left almost 2 years ago. Family discarded me and surviving on my own has been a significant struggle and the threat of imminent homelessness at any given time is ever present. Today I attended my first UU church service and to my surprise I did not have the PTSD anxiety breakdown I was afraid I might having going to a religious environment. The welcoming vibe that doesn’t tell me I’m wicked or evil for being gay is so welcomed and I look forward to attending more events and services in my local UU congregation. THANK YOU!

Hey! So, I have been UU my whole life. I believe in god as a non-sentient energy that everything exists as part of, with the language of that energy being manifestation. I also believe in reincarnation. I work in plant conservation and ecology with the drive to promote environmental justice on an interspecies scale, along with just loving my career field. All of that is to say, I am very liberal, spiritual, and open minded with my beliefs.

I have been in a relationship of 3 years just about (with our anniversary coming up in January) with my partner. He is amazing and thoughtful in almost every way. However, he is a very devoted Christian, and he is unwilling to compromise on anything religious. (He has a lot of medical trauma, and one time he died briefly during a surgery. He says he say a vision that reaffirmed his beliefs. I have my own way of interpreting his vision with my own beliefs.) We try to avoid talking about our religious beliefs, and whenever we do talk about them, he is clear that he does not like my beliefs. His parents are very religious and republican (they don’t believe in climate change…), and apparently they have very strong thoughts on Unitarian Universalism. He told me to never mention it around them. From this though, he is unwilling to ever explore UU despite it being an open religion. I have gone to a few church events with him and his family, but I always feel slightly off-put when his church talks about me going to hell (I don’t believe in Hell but that’s not great energy to be around). One time, I also researched and emailed with more liberal and open minded church for a few weeks, and then I asked him to go with me to one of those. He instead told me that he already planned on going to his parents churches those days. We have talked about exploring other churches, and he was receptive then. I just wonder now if he doesn’t actually mean what he says in those conversations. We talk about our future all the time, but, occasionally, he says that I will believe what he believes. I don’t love that. I feel very proud of what I believe in, and it guides me through how I interpret the world. With the person I love hating my values, I feel like I should be ashamed of them sometimes, and I can’t talk about what I believe.

Further, I have deep problems with the whole “humans are over all other creatures” belief in christianity since I work in environmental conservation. I have had to had conversations on the plant-interspecies justice side where I ask if there would theoretically be a plant-Jesus, and he was not very interested. Hahaha

I am actually about to head out the door alone to go to my first UU event in like 7 years. I’m actually very excited to be in that environment again.

I guess, I’m just wondering what this group might think of all of that. What would you guys do? How would you approach this situation, and how would you have a conversation about that if you were in my shoes? And have any of you ever been in a situation like that? How did it go?

I went to my first service last week, as I mentioned in a previous post, and I really enjoyed it. One question I had but didn’t get a chance to ask—and I’m hoping someone here might be able to answer—is about the very beginning of the service when the reverend lit a candle in a chalice. Could someone explain the significance of the flaming chalice in basic terms?

Also, shortly after that, the congregation was invited to come up and light a small candle on what looked like a metal tree, with one on each side of the sanctuary. During this time, there was a beautiful piece played on the piano, which made the moment feel even more meaningful. I’d love to understand the meaning behind this practice as well.

Thanks in advance for any insights.

I have decided I’d like to leave the church I attend as a member. I haven’t brought this up with anyone at the church but I haven’t met my pledge for this year either. Will I be required to meet it before I can leave?

I know a big aspect of being a UU and one thing I’ve been struggling with recently is being open minded and accepting of people with different opinions.

I live in a very conservative part of the USA, in the middle of nowhere in Indiana. My wife and I have been attending our UU church for about 4 months now and it’s great. We are finally around people who share our same beliefs, religiously and politically. With us being in rural America we are in the middle of hateful politics and rhetoric. My friends and family are ALL republicans and we do not see eye to eye with them regarding any of that! I’m struggling to be accepting of them as I think there politics is full of hate and make my and my wife’s life harder. How do I become more accepting and ok with that? They are my family after all and these are friends I have been with since I was 4, I’m 33 now. With this charged political season my wife and I are sick of the people around us and the hate they spew.

Hello! I'm a Theistic Luciferian and I have a history with Christianity and Catholicism that has left me spiritually traumatized. (However, I accept people in these spiritualities.) I'm wondering if a Unitarian Universalist Church in my community would be a good place where I can learn and enjoy time around others without running into negative experiences. The reason why I'm wondering is because my partner has chosen to go and I'm going as well and I want to know if I will be "safe" from negativity toward my spirituality since it is usually a very taboo path. I'm not looking to identify as a Unitarian Universalist, I'm just looking to find a spiritual place in my community where I can connect with others. I'm also not very educated on UU and am looking forward to learning more! I got invited to join them and the minister was super nice and friendly! They weren't aware of what my spiritual identity is though. I really connect with the whole lighting the chalice thing because Lucifer's sigil is a chalice. Anyway, if anyone has any ideas about this, please feel free to let me know.

I'm planning to attend services in a different city/state next month. Is it considered polite to email the minister ahead to let them know? Thanks!

This is me coming back to update everyone on my experience! Last week, I made a post looking for guidance on whether Unitarian Universalism would be a good fit for me and how to attend a service. Many of you responded with kind words of encouragement, and today, I finally attended.

When I say my experience was incredible, I truly mean it. I arrived at the parking lot about 10 minutes before the service, which was scheduled to begin at 11 AM. Guest parking was clearly marked and easy to find—especially since my anxiety had me checking it out on Google Earth beforehand! The lot was packed, which was definitely not what I had expected. The campus itself is shaped like a large “U,” with a massive courtyard in the middle.

As I followed others into the courtyard, two older women approached me right away, asked if I was new, and kindly showed me to the welcome table outside the sanctuary. There, I met one of the greeters, who was incredibly welcoming. He explained how the service would go, offered me a name badge, and handed me the order of service. After that, he led me into the sanctuary and told me I could sit wherever I felt comfortable.

The sanctuary was beautiful—filled with natural light and high wood ceilings that felt inspirational. And the smell… it was like honeysuckle or fresh flowers. Just amazing. Today’s service focused on remembering our loved ones who have passed, which tied into Día de los Muertos. The music was moving, the readings from the reverend were thoughtful, and I even appreciated the part when all the new guests were asked to stand so the congregation could welcome us. Several of us stood, and the applause we received was so heartwarming. It was a wonderful feeling.

There was also a moment during the service where everyone greeted their neighbors, which I enjoyed. Several people came over to introduce themselves to me, making me feel even more at ease. After the service, they had food and coffee available for everyone. A woman came up to me and asked if I’d be interested in a UU 101 course, just to learn more about the religion and what it means. She wasn’t pushy at all, just kind and informative, so I agreed.

The course itself was great—there were a few other people joining too. The two women leading the course were knowledgeable and passionate, but never in a way that felt intimidating. Afterward, they gave us a tour of the campus, showing us a library filled with books by philosophers, social justice authors, and writings on the UU faith. They encouraged us to explore the campus freely and made it clear that we were welcome back anytime.

What struck me most was that, throughout the entire experience, no one was trying to impose their beliefs on me. It was clear that everyone holds their own beliefs, and the focus of the UU faith is to support individuals in finding what they believe in. I will definitely be back next week!

to add* yes, they had coffee. 🤣 It was offered both before and after the service. The courtyard had a covered patio and if I had to guess, I would say around 40 people were gathered, drinking coffee and eating pastries, while chatting with others.

I went to a UU as a young person and we did a tradition of candle lighting during the winter time. It has specific candle colors for each day. The closest thing I can come up with is Advent during the same time? But the thing I’m thinking of had a list of different candles and meanings. Maybe a variation on Advent? Does anyone have a list like this they’d be willing to share or have other insight?

I created this video a while back, and would like to discuss it with folks. I would love your thoughts! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jt2gXmy59XM&t

Hi everyone! I’m seeking some guidance or insight from those who may have walked a similar path. I grew up in a large family that occasionally attended a Pentecostal church, though we weren’t deeply committed to it—it was more of a convenience. After I came out, my family was essentially pushed out of the church, and we haven’t returned since. These days, my parents will still mention God or talk about Christ, but it’s not as fervent as it was during my childhood.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found myself grappling with my faith and spiritual identity. I’ve always had so many questions about religion, but more often than not, my questions were either dismissed or left unanswered. Now, nearing 30, I know I believe in something, but I’m not entirely sure what. Recently, I came across Unitarian Universalism (UU), and it really piqued my interest.

There’s a UU church less than 15 minutes from me here in Texas, and I’m curious about attending a service. Do you simply walk in and take a seat in the sanctuary? I’m a bit cautious about attending because I’ve never been to a place like this, and I’m unsure what to expect.

Could anyone explain, in simple terms, what UU believes? What texts, if any, are used? And as someone who might identify as agnostic (I don’t deny the existence of a higher power, but I feel it may be impossible for humans to fully understand it), do you think UU would be a good fit for me? I’d really appreciate any insights or experiences!

Hello, all. I was just curious... Is the UU faith essentially a form of religious Humanism?

I would consider myself a Humanist. I used to consider myself a Secular Humanist. However, in recent times, I have come to embrace a type of Spiritual Naturalism. It seems the "Secular Humanist" movement has a tone that is highly against spirituality or any kind of "god" type beliefs of any kind, almost hinging on Anti-theist.

I, however, would like to refrain from such behaviors and believe in more positivity and tolerance towards others. I don't really believe in anything supernatural for the most part, but recognize there are many who do. I recognize that humanity comes in a diverse range of belief systems. I don't really believe in taking part in worship of any kind personally, but I see that rituals, ceremonies and other things give meaning to a lot of people, even if I don't share the views on my own personally. I also believe in secular values, but more so in the interest of keeping treatment towards others fair and ethical, without favoring a particular religion, not because I am anti-religion or anything like that.

That said, I feel like my views are very similar to the UU/religious Humanist aspect. I'd argue on paper, that my belief system sort of encompasses many things, mostly being Humanism, Scientific Pantheism, which is a form of Spiritual Naturalism, agnosticism, and technically atheism.

Perhaps my own "form" of Humanism, whatever it is, need not any alignment or labels. Any thoughts?

For reasons I shouldn't share I've been tasked with taking on the chair of the membership committee. Because of the reasons there isn't going to be any handing over of documentation or contacts, aside from a log of headcounts she performed from time to time. So I'm practically starting from zero at a relatively small church (30 members, 20 pledging units).

Where do I start? I want to get out in the community at fairs and such, and I also want to be able to organize events to keep our members engaged, but it feels like I'm eating an elephant and don't know where to take my first bite.

I recently started going ans after some research, I find the concepts of unitarian and universal salvation very appealing. I know modern UU has sort of evolved past that, but I was wondering if anyone still subscribes to these beliefs. I saw some sermons online touch upon it, but it was more in a "this is our history " kind if way.

I like how unitarianism encourages ppl to see Jesus as a fallible person inspired by God. Definitely makes him more relatable and I don't feel like my intelligence is being insulted. And universalism basically fixes the problem with so many Christians fixating on punishing or condemning outsiders.

I just feel like these are pretty powerful ideas and I'm wondering if you guys still feel they are relevant today?

I'm on my congregation's governance council, and we're trying to find a better alternative to our current software for our financials team. We are currently using Power Church and have for many, many years, but from what the finance team is telling us, it's not sustainable anymore. We're looking into different options, but so far nothing has really sparked for them. Therefore I'm reaching out to see if any of you have suggestions or resources! The team complains that they are getting burned out on how much work goes into using the software, but they don't want to outsource to a third party company to do the work. So, from what I'm being told, we need a solution that is in-house, but more user friendly, and hopefully can be more easily learned by multiple people so that as the team changes, we can more easily pass the baton to the new crew.

We're reaching out to our other local UU chapters to see what they use, but I am hoping that by spreading a wider net that we'll get some more ideas. Thank you all in advance!

Any stories about how these two ideas are misused? Especially when used for conflict between a congregant and staff?

So one of my partners has recently gotten interested in the UUs and has an interest in attending the church in Colorado Springs.

So I was wondering if there's anything that y'all could tell her about that congregation and what to expect from their services?

Sorry in advance that this is vague, but I'm asking here because the information I got was too vague to Google it effectively. My aunt told me that in the wake of the Article 2 revision, members of her congregation are considering leaving the church/UUA and attending services by a sort of breakoff group that doesn't answer to the UUA and doesn't follow the new Article 2. It's led by a man who seems to have formerly been a UU minister but was criticized for writing something that was perceived as anti-trans/LGBTQ. Does anyone know anything about this? My aunt is in Connecticut but it sounded like this wasn't a local group. She's getting old and doesn't always explain things well, hence my lack of info/confusion!

Are there any books you think someone interested in UU should read and or you felt influenced by in your spirituality?

I recently had a friend who told me that "his relationship with God is more important than my human relationships." This person is a Catholic that desires to go into the priesthood. How would a UU respond to this?

I think that "God" the force or the thing that it is can be found in things like friendships and relationships and we interact with that force through those things (just like art, music. literature, nature walks....). To me a "relationship" with something invisible is not paramount to something earthly. Thoughts?

Hello all. I've identified as a Humanist for quite a while now. The more and more I go in depth with my journey of my own self discovery and learning, the more I find about how I lean towards certain things and then sometimes my views change slightly.

In terms of beliefs, I'm technically an agnostic atheist on paper. However, I think I'm a bit more of a kind of Pantheist or Spiritual Naturalist in some regards. I feel a type of spirituality within nature and considering the cosmos, and interconnectedness of all things with universe. I don't really believe in anything supernatural however like gods, demons, heaven or hell.

Now, I had considered myself a Secular Humanist along my pathway to discovery as well. However, I've recently almost sort of became disillusioned with this line of thought, as it seems a lot of people who are Secular Humanists are more interested in bashing others who are religious or believe in (a) god, which I am not. It seems spirituality in general, or anything with "Theist," in it is automatically frowned upon or arrogantly discarded.

I see purpose in people believing in things, rituals and spirituality, having community in church, and faith to some people, even if I can't get on board with all this personally. Everything isn't for everybody. I try to be more open-minded and believe in peaceful coexistence with everyone, regardless of what beliefs you have, as long as they aren't harmful or a kind of discrimination. The only thing I really disagree with is religion being brought into politics, and aggressive proselytizing.

That kind of makes me wonder, since I know religious Humanism is also a thing, is the UU philosophy more so this type of Humanism if that is the case? I don't really desire to be a part of any "religion," in any technical sense, but I think my belief in Humanism is a bit of a combination of religious Humanism (like UU) and Secular Humanism aspects. Ironically enough, from what I've read, religious Humanism is apparently considered a non-theistic stance as well?

I know the subject line sounds snarky however I'm serious. I'm a lifelong (it's starting to feel like a long life) UU. I recently attended a workshop at a neighboring UU church. A member there greeted me and she was wearing a name tag that had a bold "10 year member" banner along the bottom. It evoked a visceral "I don't belong" here reaction in me and I suppressed an urge to flee (and I'm an old white guy).

Until recently, our church had a color-coding system for name tags (members had one color, visitors another, etc) which inadvertently created a "we're 'in' and you're not" vibe. We also use jargon (eg. "join us in the back lounge after the service") that's not easily understood by newcomers.

What does your congregation do to not welcome newcomers? I'm hoping to trigger awareness and perhaps change where needed.

I think religion confines ppl into arguing over meaningless man-made rules/theologies. How is a catholic God any different than a Muslim God for example?

Wouldn’t it make more sense that there’s only ONE God who is UNIVERSAL?

Why would God discriminate against geographical location? If you so happened to be born in India to a family practicing Hinduism.. why would God Condemn you for doing what you think is right?

Why are Christians so convinced that those who do not worship and walk the same way they do are going to Hell?

What about those who cannot read? What about those who are blind? Deaf?

Anyways, I’m wondering how you could possibly explain Spirituality to a Christian who’s convinced anything outside the dogma of Christianity is essentially evil.

Is it even possible for a religious person to empathize with someone who doesn’t have their same believes???

I am not religious but my bf is. He seems to think his love for Jesus is what’ll take him to heaven….

He says he loves me…but how much can he truly love me..if deep down, he thinks my disbelief in the Christian version of God will send me to Hell?

Why is it so difficult for him to think outside of the Christian context? Any questions or points I try to make in favor of my spirituality, he dismisses with Christian logic or a Christian explanation instead of a more objective one. No matter what I say, it’s like he doesn’t REALLY hear me.

I feel like religion has him trapped in a bubble avoidant of hearing anything besides more religious confirmation bias.

Hi All,

Our church is bringing back OWL programs for the first time in awhile, and we're extremely happy to be able to do this again! We were wondering if there were any experiences that anyone here could share (positive or concerns) regarding the program. Any extra info helps!

For those unaware, the organization is "Churches for Middle East Peace". The UUA is one member of the organization along with a couple dozen other (mainline Christian) denominations.

I've been invited on a CMEP peacemaking trip to Israel/Gaza in November, organized by a friend of mine from another denomination (not one of the member churches but they share CMEP's main philosophy).

I'm inclined to take the trip because the person inviting me is a person I trust in terms of finding safe, educational and theologically appropriate travel partners. If there are any UUs who are familiar with the organization and their mission I'm interested in connecting before I go.

I've been asked to make something to hand out to first-time visitors to our congregation. I'm having trouble figuring out what to put on it. Should I focus on our particular congregation, since lots of general info can be found by just googling Unitarian Universalist? Is it ok for me to use the new image of the love chalice (the one with love at the center and the other 6 principals around it)? Does anyone have a flyer like this from their congregation that they could share with me to help spark my creativity? I've tried to do a google search for ideas, but am not really finding anything. Thank you!

Hi, Im a life long UU and member of CUUPs. Ive been exploring what folks who have experienced religious trama are sharing, at least openly and the idea of an unbaptism has come up. Has any UU congregation offered this kind of a thing as a service? It sounds very healing.

I’ve been interested in spiritual things for years (manifestation, crystals etc), I decided to go back to shadow work, do mediation and yoga.

Would going to a UU church sometimes/occasionally ala online services be helpful for my spiritual journey ???

So earlier this year our congregation fired our minister for a multitude of reasons. Our congregation is basically now all lay-led, in Worship and Pastoral Care. I myself am now the head of the Worship Committee and have been working 20 hour weeks as a volunteer and I have been overwhelmed. Anyway, that's not my current concern, though I've been meaning to make a post about that.

My mom is in the ICU and is probably going to be taken off life support in the next couple of days. I really wish I had a minister to talk to, but since we don't have one at my congregation, I don't know what to do. I see know there are like UU spiritual directors, but I don't know if that's what I need. I like the people in our Pastoral Care Team, but I think I need more spiritual, ethical and moral support.

Should I contact a minister at another UU church in the region? Would it matter as I guess I'm not a member and don't pledge $ to them? I guess I just feel so lost and I don't know who to talk to. The chaplain at the hospital was nice, but very overtly Christian and overly optimistic. I wish I could talk to my former minister who I think is still in the area, but apparently we aren't allowed to contact them after everything that went down, even though it was a board decision to fire them not the congregation.

I assume the answer is yes, but just to make sure, is it okay for UUs to celebrate Halloween?

I am a practicing Muslim seeking a home faith community that aligns with my faith practice, my politics, and my perspective on the world... unfortunately as a woman who is vocal about those politics & perspectives I am not entirely welcome at any otherwise-accessible mosques, so I'm forced to get a little more creative in my search. Via many years of interfaith community organizing beside Unitarians I know that our politics & perspectives often align, and based on the tenets and UU lit I've examined so far it seems like at the very least I can hang out on Sundays without committing shirk... then when I was chatting with a colleague who is a Unitarian minister, she mentioned that there are indeed Unitarian Muslims out there. Is that true?

Any Unitarian Muslims out there who would be willing to chat about it?

Hello everyone. I moved to the Greater Boston area (North Shore) last year and am considering a UU church. I am a former Catholic turned evangelical turned agnostic/atheist (many, many moons ago). Since leaving church altogether I have missed having both a spiritual connection of some sort and the community connection which was found in my old church congregations. I’ve been considering UU since before moving to New England but there are far more choices here than back in my Midwestern hometown.

If you’re from the area, hello! There are probably 5 congregations that would be close enough to me to consider. I am 40s/F, single, childfree, and queer. My main objective is to find connection and while I know every congregation has something to offer, I know they can have varying demographics. I don’t really know what activities or groups are common but, as a former music major who has sadly not been in music for decades, I know I’m interested in possibly joining a choir or participating in music somehow.

I did a cursory glance at websites around me but events aren’t always posted. I also did a search of the sub and didn’t really see anything pertaining to this specific area and am wondering if anyone here is local and has insights? Thank you 😊

I'm curious what the data is on whether the UU has been growing, shrinking, or holding steady over the last few decades. I'm also curious what the people of this sub predict the future will be for Universal Unitarianism. Do you suspect it'll grow a little? A lot? Shrink? Collapse? Why?

In particular, I think it's useful to consider that it's not just that our present environment is different than the social/political/technological environment of say the 1990's, but that the environment we'll be in 5, 10, or 20 years down the road will also be different- it might even be easy to predict that it'll be radically different from today. How well do you think UU will hold up to that pressure?

Obviously there have been some dramatic (by UU standards) reforms in the last few years. Do you think these reforms will help the UU survive or even thrive? What do you think the passing of these reforms (and the difficulties associated with doing so) says about the UU institutionally, in terms of it's capacity to keep up with changing times?

If you think the future of UU is fairly different from where it is presently, where do you see yourself in that mix? Do you see yourself getting more involved in a stronger UU, or do you imagine that realistically your local congregation will have to shut its doors one day and that you'll need to find a new home? What do you think the consequences on the larger world will be of whatever you imagine the UU's future to be?

I'm curious to hear what people involved with Universal Unitarianism have to say on these topics! Thanks in advance for taking the time to read and respond thoughtfully!

I am considering joining and would like to know if there is any official stance on ethical nonmonogamy. Obviously I wouldn’t be trying to promote it while I’m at church, more curious about whether to keep conversations about my relationships limited to about my primary partner or if I can speak freely.

We have a lay-led congregation, and I am going to be the worship coordinator for the first time in about a month. I have been the worship associate (just reading the script provided to me) once before. It will be a blessing of the animals service, held outside. I have a basic script that we follow every week, but as WC, I'll be in charge of coordinating with our guest speaker and customizing the script for this particular type of service. I'm excited but nervous. Any resources you could point me to would be much appreciated!

Why should I be UU? What can you say to convince me, UU fascinates me.

Hello everybody, I am both a newcomer to this site and the Unitarian Universalist community. The fact that I am a transgender man has always been the deciding factor in my decision to not practice religion. I've dabbled in a lot of different faiths and spiritual practices, but nothing has ever truly resonated with me until last night, when I did what I always do, fall down a rabbit hole and discovered this religion. It appears foolish that I haven't found this sooner after reading and understanding more about it. For some reason, I can't help but worry about what other people will think of me and say about me behind my back whenever I attempt anything new or even just try to progress in my personal life. (for the background narrative, check CPTSD traumatic life events 😂).

Since I completely lost touch with who I am and what I stand for five years ago, I have been on a quest of self-discovery. I've been so focused on staying alive that I haven't been able to relax enough to meditate for fear of losing control of my body. I needed a defining feature before I could possibly go headfirst into that religion.

Could someone perhaps shed some light on this for a beginner, explain Unitarian a little more, and tell me what I should and should not do?

I am grateful. 🙏

I've been thinking of becoming a UU for a while now, and I understand it well enough (well enough to know that a question like this will garner many answers, because every congregation is different).

I'd like to hear more about what the purpose/point of being UU is, according to some of you kind folk.

Is the point of the UU tradition mostly an embodiment of humanism, liberal values and diversity? Is it more so about trying to make the world a better place, and fighting against oppression or cruelty? Does the tradition noticeably help you be a better person, and is that it? Is it just about wanting community? What keeps you going as an active Unitarian Universalist?

What does the UU tradition offer that keeps you involved (and hopefully passionate)?

Yes this is a broad question and I have effectively listed what are probably the main motives, but I thought I'd hear what people have to say.

Hi everyone. What are your daily practices for spiritual development? Do you have any specific resources that you use? For parents, do you follow any practices/rituals with your children? Thanks in advance.

What are some examples where God has given specific rules of how to/how not to get into the Kingdom of Heaven?

From what I understand, removing Jesus and the apostles from the equation, God sent down the Commandments and it was the only "real" example of when God said "do not do this...." and laid it out.

That means, at the very least, following God's commandments is a great way of getting through the Pearly Gates. And they're pretty easy to follow.

Am I interpreting something wrong? Thanks!

Edit: I’d like to write this one all over! Lol. I was meaning to say “from the Unitarian perspective.” Like empathizing with an individual who believes this, what is the discussion to have?

I have been poking around learning about UUs, and I'm very interested in RE and OWL classes for my children. The problem is the local UU dosen't have any children's programs, the second closest is over an hour away. I can't afford the gas or time commitment to attend the children's program, 2 hour round trip plus service(s) and the 2pm owl program. I would have to leave before 9 am and come home after 4pm. Those of you who have experience with OWL, do you feel it is a curriculum I can just purchase and teach my children, or do I really need a trained instructor for it to be properly taught? With the grade levels( K-1, 4-6, 7-9, 10-12) do you use the K-1 for 2nd grade and the 4-6 for 3rd grade? I'm sorry I have so many questions, but any insight would be helpful. Thank you!

I'm new to UU. Any kids picture books with UU philosophy?

I know many UU churches sing hymns, but I've never seen or heard of one using a pipe organ. I'm biased, as an (aspiring) organist myself, but I really think organs are the best at backing up congregational singing, as opposed to pianos or guitars. Digital organs these days sound extremely realistic and can be bought for less than a grand piano as well, so I don't imagine cost being an issue, at least if a church has the money for a piano. So why don't UUs use organs? Anyone have any clue?

Hello!

I've been interested in attending services at a local UU church for a little while now. I have a lot of hang-ups with churches in general. I grew up in a Southern Baptist family that went to church frequently. As I got older, I started to form my own identity and beliefs that did not align with the church. While not as explicitly political as some, the church did champion conservative causes especially in terms of anti-choice rhetoric and opposition to LGBTQ persons. I felt I had to hide my true beliefs for much of my teenage years and was largely agnostic by the time I moved out on my own at 18. I'm 34 now and have not gone attended a church on my own accord since then, and it is still somewhat frightening thinking of going back to one based on my past experiences.

I still struggle with a belief in a higher power but have opened up myself more to the idea of spirituality in general. Based on what I've read about the UU church, this in itself would not be an issue. However, in the past couple years, I've come out as a MTF transperson. I'm scared of how I will be received at a church because of this. In the past few months I've been in recovery for a drinking problem and I've attended a few LGBTQ centered AA meetings that have been held at the UU church. I noticed that they prominently display the LGTBQ pride flag and have signage indicating that they are welcoming to all. This has made me more comfortable with the idea of attending a service there, but I want to be sure this is something that is actually true in practice and not just in theory.

I know I'm probably way overthinking this, but as I said, I have a lot of trauma associated with churches in general and want to make absolute sure that I'll be entering into a welcoming environment, as I've been really struggling to find a community of people to connect with beyond AA. Any experience, advice, or reassurances would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

I grew up in India in a traditional Hindu family. I'm so glad to learn about Unitarian Universalist religion as it is accepting of all people no matter their sexual orientations or belief structures. The fact that you guys have managed to establish a progressive community of rational, sane and open minded people who support progressive social policies is so incredible to me.

I wanna learn more about this. Can anyone enlighten me on your religion. Please note I'm a person who has a very basic knowledge of Christianity growing up in this part of the world so I need to learn more and more things about this incredible religion, its beliefs and the practices it preaches. Can anyone enlighten me on this? Also do you guys have presence here in India or anywhere outside the US as of now?

Are there any UUA clergy here who could give insight into transferring denominational standing/ordination? I’ve read through various resources on becoming a UU minister; transfer seems like a different process with similar and different emphases.

Thanks!

I just moved to a new area and I don’t know anyone, but I really want to be a part of a community and it seems like the UU’s beliefs more or less match up with my own. I’m not really religious or anything but from what I can tell that’s not an issue at all. I’m thinking of just going on Sunday and showing up early so I can talk to people and get to know the space or maybe I will just sit in my car and hype myself up to go in (social anxiety lol, I’m working on it). I’m really not sure how it works, I’ve never signed up for church before. Anyway, as the title said, please say literally anything you feel the need/want to say to someone who has never gone to church before that’s going to start soon.

I've been a UU for about 20 years, but haven't been actively attending service for the last five or so because I work night shift and work weekends and am usually asleep during service hours. So I'm pretty out of the loop here. I've tried reading Article 2, but found the wording too formal to understand much of it. I've seen that some people are considering disassociating from the UUA over the changes, but I don't understand why.

Could someone explain in simple terms how Article 2 changes things? I'd also be interested to hear your opinions on the changes.

Is anyone else in a congregation that is thinking about severing their relationship with UUA over the changes to article 2? Our board hasn’t said so publicly yet, but I think they went to align with the North American Unitarian Association.

We're currently looking for a new RE director and I was wondering what the ranges were. Our fellowship is in a low cost of living area, and I am just wondering if $450, which boils down to ~10-22 / hour is reasonable. I know a lot of congregations have members that do it for free as their contribution.

I’m new to Unitarian universalism I found it on my search for a religion and was curious about it. I thought there is no better way to learn about a religion than to ask its members ( if you guys considered yourself as such). I know that it’s not necessarily focused on prayer and god, but focused on the search for self improvement on a spiritual level. Is there anything by I’m missing, something you’d like to add? Also what practices do you guys perform? I researched and found you guys do Yom Kippur dinners and Buddhist meditation groups but what else? And what is the purpose for doing things like Yom Kippur dinners?

It seems like there is no recourse for when a UU church has a "bad" minister. Our church minister recently became contracted. Just to add, this church seems to have a history of not so great ministers. The previous minister before this recently contracted one was asked to leave due to someone warning to take legal action against them.

This current minister is disorganized but worst of all, extremely rude. There was even been a whole committee created to manage complaints against the minister. This minister even went as far as firing one of the Church's staff after they asked about a raise. They have even spoken of breaking away from the UUA for being too "woke."

They are barely in office during the week. They've pushed to get lots of amenities for their office, even going as far as saying they want a bathroom and bed in their office... after being contracted they purchased a nice house and honestly... it just seems like they are in the ministry for all the ways the church takes care of them. Sermons aren't even organized until sometimes Friday, which is frustrating for everyone else involved with Sunday services... I just don't know. It's very discouraging to see how this minister can get away with so much... I suppose this congregation really is just desperate to keep a minister, even if they are border-line narcissistic.

Any insight regarding this situation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

I practice witchcraft and would love to hear about UU perspectives on witchcraft and magic. I know that there's the CUUP, but I wanna know-- are there any witches at your UU congregation? I know there's lots of diversity among the beliefs of UUs, but can you speak to any general attitudes about witchcraft and magic?

I'm a witch and sorta a Pagan, but I often feel like the odd one out in neopagan spaces because my spiritual practice is more rooted in Judeochristian mysticism and animism than in Wicca. I've been interested in going to my local UU services for a while now, but I feel intimidated that I won't fit in there either-- even though UU congregations claim to be a place where anyone can belong. I'd love to hear your thoughts, especially if there's any Pagan or witchcraft-practicing UUs in this subreddit!

Edit 8/11: Thank you so much to everyone for your responses!! You really helped ease some of my fears. I'm gonna be attending my first service at my local UU congregation today and while I'm pretty nervous, I feel very encouraged by your responses. Thanks again <3

So I'll be heading up North for college and Michigan and Minnesota seem to be where most of my schools are. I'm very active in my local congregation but I don't know anything about the churches up there.

So what are they like? Do they have queer groups? Anything I should know ahead of time?

Does a devotional that fits with UU exist? I want to grow my spirituality but know that I can likely only handle small doses at a time making something like a devotional great but I cannot find anything that feels like it is within UU. I would prefer something tangible like a book vs visiting a website daily.

I left Christianity a year ago and never looked back. I've gone through so many different beliefs/disbeliefs since I've left my religion that its crazy. I basically just consider myself an agnostic now with a humanistic attitude regarding a lot of things. I sometimes have a slight leaning towards what I would kind of consider "lite Deism," in of the fact that I'm not a believer in any kind of personal god. My view is somewhat complicated, as some might call me an atheist, but I refute this claim on the basis that I don't necessarily believe that any god or higher power doesn't exist, I just simply don't believe it is possible to know for sure, but I highly believe most religions are made up, even if a god does exist in some form or capacity. That said, that is my own personal thought process and "belief." I guess you could kinda call me an agnostic, a humanist and sort of a deist all at the same time. I'm also highly interested in different forms of Pantheism, and Panentheism. I find them fascinating.

That said, I've found embracing different beliefs of Humanism has given me more purpose after leaving my religion. My family and I live our lives secular, but... That doesn't mean I think people of organized religion are stupid or delusional. I really only have a problem other people's beliefs when someone starts proselytizing. This includes other non-believers as well. Some people can be just as unpleasant with their unbelief as some people can be with their religious beliefs, and this I have certainly seen from some people I've seen claiming to be a "Humanist."

I agree that respecting others and showing others acceptance, compassion, kindness, love and respect, regardless of their race, sex, gender, sexuality or religion is something that I fundamentally believe. I am wondering if my attitude might be closer more towards a form of Unitarian Universalism though? Learning to respect and care about others, regardless of who they are or where they come from, and discovering your own truths for me is why I am thinking I may potentially align more with UU. For example, one truth I have discovered for myself is I don't worry about what happens after I die, since I really don't believe it can be known what happens after death, if anything even happens at all. So for me, why worry about it? This is my truth however. My truth may not be the same as your truth or someone else.

Any thoughts? Also, do you have to attend church services to be considered a UU?

I posted looking for advice on the atheism subreddit yesterday. I now want another perspective. You can see my post in my profile. The gist of it is that my conservative Catholic mother has been visiting for several days and she has been taking my 7 year old to church with her in the mornings. He has been very eager to go because she talked it up to him so much. I feel she manipulated him to want to go. I have allowed it because I worry about resisting too much and it creating an issue where he wants to go even more and begins to resent me. He really likes her and I think he wants her approval. She leaves tomorrow, thankfully. She only sees him a couple times a year usually. She has also been trying to coax my older son into going with her to church when I’m not around. He told me that she says it’s no different than trying a new food. She won’t let up. She knows I’m an atheist and that I’ve chosen to raise my children without religious beliefs. I feel she is undermining my place as their parent. Their father is also very upset by what she is doing. We are avoiding a confrontation until she leaves because she’s a highly reactive person and will paint herself as the victim in front of my children. After she leaves tomorrow, I am going to let her know that I do not want him going to the Catholic church anymore.

Now, to where I need the help of Unitarians…I live in very liberal Massachusetts and we have a lot of Unitarian Universalist churches around here. They all seem very welcoming and accepting. They are far more in line with what I teach my children than Catholicism. If my son wants to explore religion, I would feel more comfortable with him doing it around kind and tolerant people who believe in the rights and dignity of all persons. What do you guys think about my predicament? If I brought my son to a Unitarian church would he be pushed into believing in God? What do your church services look like? Is it something that could be compatible with my atheist parenting? I really need help with this because it took me years to get over the trauma of being brought up Catholic. I don’t want my child exposed to that. I also want to give him the freedom to explore other beliefs though. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Hi! So, I am an atheist (have been for 4 years now), and stumbled upon UU when researching Scouts BSA’s position on atheism. After a bit of research, I decided that a lot of the things in UU are things I support and that I might be interested in joining someday. Are there any good websites, documents, or books I can check out to learn more about UU? Especially history, wikipedia is very barebones on everything that happened after the merger between the AUA and UCA and it just seems like an interesting historical tale.

My partner and I joined a local UU recently. How much should we donate/month?

I have anxiety and depression issues like many. I feel so numb from all the negativity in the World. I really need a place of positivity and outreach. I know the best way for me to feel better would to be around like minded individuals. No judgement, just empathy and understanding. Do you believe U.U. would be that place for me?

I'm newly spiritual after being an atheist for most of my life, and I am trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I want to do something that helps people. I want to be involved in community and I want to study and gain my own understanding of the divine. I'm at the time in my life where I have a well paying lay career, but it's not fulfilling for me. The only thing that worries me is if I could get burnt out in Ministerial just like I am in my current role. I suffer from mental illness but I am now well medicated and don't see why this couldn't be a fulfilling life for me, but I thought I should ask others what they think

I know they're not UU, but their spiritual pluralism makes them feel like a third U to me, historically Christian tradition but having a different understanding of the divine is met with "bruh that's sick I'll pray with you" not "bruh your soul's sick I'll pray for you". But Unity isn't very Googleable so I've had no luck finding any online communities for them and I haven't lived near a Unity Church in years.

Hello, I was wondering if there are any Filipinos, esp LGBTQIA+, here who can tell me about how the UU church is like in the Philippines. I'm gay and looking for some sort of spiritual community to seek a meaningful life with, and currently looking into UU. Is it a place where gays can truly be themselves while seeking spirtuality? I have this fear that since the Philippines is such a largely Catholic country that the environment even within Philippine UU churches might feel Catholic.

I was watching the last episode of Star Trek discovery season 4 and I got a bit emotional as beloved charachters were stepping up to sacrifice themselves to evacuate earth. And I realized that the UUA is my federation and my congregation which I joined in the late 90s is my ship and I am so greatful to be apart of their crew and I love them so much. Blessed Be everyone!

I’m thinking of leaving my UU church. I’ve been a member since 2012 and it’s been a huge part of my life. I’ve been a pastoral care volunteer, an RE teacher, I ran our preschool playgroup for some time, I’ve traveled to Haiti with my church. I expected to raise my kids in the church. I’m in my late 30’s and I first started going to UU churches since I was a sophomore in high school.

In 2022, after 11 years of marriage, my husband suddenly came out as a transgender woman. As a straight woman this really turned my world upside down. To be clear, I support her transition and do all the right things when it comes to affirming her gender. At the end of the day, though, I was not able to muster up attraction to another woman and my ex did not want a platonic marriage. We divorced and it wasn’t pretty. Our marriage was already struggling and my ex hates me. I think she really expected me to be excited about breasts and a vagina.

When my ex was a straight white man, they were a staunch Republican. I remember after the Dobbs decision crying and my ex defending the constitutional correctness of the decision. This was always a divide in our marriage as I was more liberal. She’s a great debater and could back me into a corner on any issue. She looked at my church with contempt and I always went alone. After coming out as a trans woman my ex has done a 180 politically and joined the UU church after it was “my thing” for our entire marriage. I’m still so salty about her hypocrisy.

Now when I go to my old church, I’m on pins and needles wondering if I’m going to run into my ex. The hate she has for me just radiates. I go to church to feel loved and accepted, not hated. I’m also fairly certain that there are a decent number of congregants who would see me as transphobic. Like “If you really loved her then her gender wouldn’t matter to you.” Additionally, when I was going through the divorce the minister personally reached out to check on me, but then ended by reminding me I hadn’t pledged for the year yet. Who hits up single moms for money?? I’m sitting here worried about making rent and my church is asking me for money!

How do I leave my church? Do I just ghost them? Do they scratch my name off the book? Should I sit down and talk to the minister about all this? Should I try to make it work?