So I know that comes off negative. I really resonate with the ideals of UU, but my local UU feels sooooo pretentious ever time I go. It's like they try sooo hard to be PC that there is no real message other than "be pc" I'm asking this question, because I live in a very affluent and educated town. So, I'm wondering if the prevention comes from that or the UU itself??? I appreciate your help, I'm looking for my place, but though I want this to be it,it doesn't feel right. Thx

Background: I have been an agnostic for as long as long as I can remember. Growing up I would constantly see people around me self ascribed as religious be just as mean or cruel as anyone else. I saw mega churches reinvesting their wealth into themselves and leadership, and a total lack of community outreach that went past gaining more members. I was always interested in religion but throughout the years I saw that is was being used primarily a tool being used to manipulate. As far as i could tell this was against the teachings of any of these religions.
^{I realize these people do not represent all people of religion, I have met far too many people who uphold the positive teachings of their religion to believe that.}

All of this to say I really enjoy the ideals of UU, they align to a T with what I believe, but I have been having trouble convincing myself to attend a service. I think due to my past, and years of seeing the dangers of religion, attending something that resembles these same service fills me with dread. I am so concerned that the feel of a service is just going to make me horribly uncomfortable, in the same way I feel uncomfortable during the ceremony's of funerals and weddings. However at the same time I feel like I have a hole in my life where community is supposed to go.

Does anyone have any advice? Maybe there is a way to be apart of UU that is not an actual service, but a social thing?

From high school up until my mid-20s, I had typical atheist beliefs on life after death. At the time, I was able to be calm with the prospect of nonexistence and believed it was fair, since I was thinking mostly of myself, my friends, and people in the modern developed world, who usually live long and fulfilled lives and are ready to rest afterwards.

However, the concept of everyone getting nonexistence has felt more and more unfair to me the past several years as I’ve learned more about the history of the world.

All kinds of societies have practiced human sacrifice. Which would mean the victims would go: short and usually painful life —> extremely painful death —> permanent nonexistence. Is that fair? Where do they get to cash in or get pleasure? Nowhere.

My faithlessness has also been tested by movie characters such as Trevor in Pay It Forward. Was it fair for him (or a real-life person like him) to get nonexistence after 15 years, a good contribution to philanthropy, and almost no rewards? Absolutely not in my opinion.

My mind is having trouble sitting still on this anymore, and I’m considering officially becoming a Unitarian Universalist because of their doctrine that everyone can get to success.

I still don’t believe in a literal fluffy-cloud heaven, but I do think there are physics-based ways in which living again is possible, e.g., the Poincaré recurrence theorem or spontaneous quantum decreases in entropy. Heaven, in my mind, is nothing more than someone who got dealt a bad hand being given a chance to try again.

This in mind, do you guys think UU is a good choice for me? Do these beliefs jive with those that are followed by UUs?

I’m also a gay man and appreciate the “kindness and volunteering” aspects of religion and spirituality but not usually the “moral code” ones, and I know UU heavily emphasizes the former.

Stay strong against all the craziness ahead.

- AM702

Las Vegas, NV, USA

Hi, hope you are all doing well. Heres the basics of what i believe and hopefully someone here can tell me if it sounds similar to something they have heard of.

I believe the bible to be a book of wisdom written by people through stories that was passdd on. Like the first self help book. A very usefull guide.

I dont believe there is an actual god and his son and their spirit looking over us. I dont believe there to be an after life in hell or heaven. But rather the collection of choices you make in daily life leads you to existing in a state of heaven or hell.

Thanks in advance and i apologise if i offend anyone!

https://wagingnonviolence.org/2024/11/10-things-to-do-if-trump-wins/

So, the reason I initially joined the UU is because I was getting tired of constant political media's cynicism.

I am a Progressive and vote every election and I doubt that will ever change, but I have had some tough feelings regarding politics. I feel I was almost forced from a young age to pay attention to politics more than a person should because my family insisted on always playing "SNL" or various political pundits around me (though maybe that is normal, IDK). I used to very much emphasize Christianity also as part of my personality but I eventually became frustrated with my overly-evangelical church the LCMS (I know being from a Progressive but also LCMS family is a strange combination). I think I tried to fill the hole that left in me yearning for community with the political movement of Communism, which though I am not exactly Capitalism's #1 fan, this at the very least wasn't a healthy reason to join them. I eventually however began actively avoiding politics when I started noticing contradictions. For instance, take the fact that many online communist activists (not all) will say that "The world is always getting worse" when Marx had the largely optimistic view that the world is getting better, or fantasizing about a glorious and Bloody Communist Revolutionary War when again Marx viewed a generally peaceful transition of power. In the past I had sorta thought that we were correct because we were the good guys, but I ended up realizing people aren't that simple. I used to watch News daily because I felt I had to know what was going on, but after a while I realized pundits are actually the worst activists. Turns out the best activists are those who AREN'T miserable and fearful 24/7, who would've guessed? While I admit it is a little ironic that I quote Nietzche in a post complaining about cynicism (something which he was known for) I do think it is relevant that he said something about how Daily News Media makes you focus on small irrelevant details always scared of some event that never ends up happening, and makes you stupider in the long run and it takes your focus away from the larger historical cultural shifts or perhaps even more importantly takes away focus from the family and friends around you.

This frustration of contradictions in Media continues to happen during this election. For instance, it frustrates me that before the election if I said to someone "OK so Trump has a 50/50 chance of winning, so whats our Plan B if he wins" cuz to me not having a plan B seemed irrational, yet they would always just say "There is no Plan B because if Trump wins the world ends". Now they talk much more softly about Trump and don't want to talk about all the things they said he would do. This drives me crazy as I don't know whether to believe the first thing they said (the overly cynical view) or the last (the overly positive view). It reminds me of how Evangelical Christians will make a highly exxagerated image of hell and the endtimes not because the Bible actually teaches it, but because its a useful recruiting tactics and to them the anxiety it causes people is a necessary evil. Or the fact that many of those communist pundits mentioned above said that Harris was a worse candidate than Biden & Clinton, when they got upset at Biden said she was a great candidate and was basically guaranteed to win, and then went back to saying she is a terrible candidate after she lost. Or that depending on the month Biden having dementia was either a matter of fact liberals won't address, or a Conservative lie. All while smugly saying how "Oh if only people listened to ME none of this would have happened" never admitting that they were wrong.

Now, I must confess a way in which I was wrong. I was very big on a political prediction system called "Allan Lichtman's 13 keys" and was extraordinarily confident in saying Harris would win. Well, wouldn't you know it, for the first time ever this election Lichtman's keys were wrong. Now I feel like my family will never believe anything I say ever again, and frankly I am having an existential crisis right now of my own, wondering if anything I ever believed ever was true, if my life and the work I have done has had any point at all, as though the foundations of my knowledge were built on sand that just broke down. Though again I feel like when I would say "I'd rather not talk about politics" right now they wouldn't respect my wishes and that probably did not help, I don't know how but I'm going to have to explain to them that they really do need to stop talking about politics to me, not that the issues aren't important but I feel like it is truly draining my enjoyment of life away.

Despite my self-doubts, I would like to believe that America will survive. The reason I post this here is because the UU and the climate activists (a.k.a. the people who are actually doing work instead of just talking about how miserable things are) are the most optimistic about the future. And even if America were to become a dictatorship that's certainly unfortunate for its citizens, but we Americans tend to forget despite our power (which largely comes from being taken seriously by other countries) we are just 1% of the world population. What I enjoyed about the UU is that it kept those Progressive ideals but removed the needless cynicism always present among pundits. It is important to remember that literally every period of history people thought that they lived in the worst of times and the world was coming to an end. And even if worst comes to worst and the world truly ends, then at least let me spend my last moments happy and not constantly scrolling clickbait videos about how "The World is Ending".

Anyway, forgive me if this was long and overly personal, I am having trouble wrestling with my own thoughts if you can't tell and this sub just seemed saner than most, but please feel more than free to tell me where I'm wrong.

"Sorrow is better than fear. Fear is a journey, a terrible journey, but sorrow is at least an arrival. When the storm threatens, a man is afraid for his house. But when the house is destroyed, there is something to do. About a storm he can do nothing, but he can rebuild a house." – Alan Paton

UU Doug Muder posted this quote today. I was disappointed several days ago when UUA posted some things in anticipation that were based more in fear than in rebuilding. I think we have gotten into power rather than trying to understand everyone's needs and fears. Eight years ago, we responded with fear and loathing. This time I hope we will respond with love and understanding for everyone, instead of condemning half of the country as foolish or evil.

Talking with UUs recently, I've heard many comments about UU's Protestant Christian formats, and often language of the services. While pluralistic, and perhaps with most UUs not being Christian, U and U were original Christian denominations, and UU has preserved the Christian service format.

In the other UU forum, the moderator posted the below discussion from from an Ex Christians reddit forum where commentors also brought up the Christian formats of UU services, and how it is Christian without the Christianity.

Has anyone tried going to a Universalist Unitarian church? : r/exchristian

I'm thus curious about what folks here think about it? Do you like it? Do you wish it was different? How would you change it? Mix it up with other format? What do you think of the Christian language (worship, faith, etc.)

I note that I'm Jewish and my partner is from the Middle East. She dislikes the Christian format of UU services and won't attend, while it it is fine with me. I do find the Christian format without Christian theology to be a bit ironic and performatively hollow. However, my practical philosophy is a service has to have some format. Also, if you attend a Reform Jewish Shabbot service, you know that they are not so much different than a UU service.

I myself am remembering my grandmother on my father's side.

She was a very courageous woman. She was the one who courted my grandfather in a time and place where doing such was a huge taboo for women to do.

She taught me to be bold and to persevere.

"Funny Thing About Death” will be the irreverent theme for a Sunday service at a small Unitarian Universalist Church. Rev. Phillip Schulman said, “I had a wild idea to break from the dominant pattern of solemnity & somberness.” He’s inviting humor & free expression of the “bizarre or unreasonable aspects of death.” John Prine’s song has the spirit:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bzJtYFHZF0

I went to my first service last week, as I mentioned in a previous post, and I really enjoyed it. One question I had but didn’t get a chance to ask—and I’m hoping someone here might be able to answer—is about the very beginning of the service when the reverend lit a candle in a chalice. Could someone explain the significance of the flaming chalice in basic terms?

Also, shortly after that, the congregation was invited to come up and light a small candle on what looked like a metal tree, with one on each side of the sanctuary. During this time, there was a beautiful piece played on the piano, which made the moment feel even more meaningful. I’d love to understand the meaning behind this practice as well.

Thanks in advance for any insights.

I'm looking for feedback from anyone whose congregation has taken part in the UU Climate Justice Revival. Our congregation is doing our revival weekend in January, and I am on the social action committee which is facilitating, so I would love some insight from anyone who has already taken part either as a facilitator or an attendee.

Which parts did you find worked best or were not so great? Did you rely heavily on the provided videos/stick to the script or was it more free flowing? Anything come up that you wish you had prepared for or done differently?

So once upon a time I applied to a job at a protestant church and I get the ocassional email from them listing events and services. Anyway I saw 2 events they've done that I'd like my UU congregation to consider doing.

I saw that this other church puts together harm reduction kits and they also had a service that focused on sex work and sex workers. Both of these are things I'd like to see in my UU church/congregation but there's a part of me that feels it may be too radical for some but at the same time I feel they're the kind of topics that we should be talking about and spreading awareness, reducing stigma etc.

I don't know if this post makes sense but those are my thoughts.

While he is talking about politics, I think it is also applicable to UUism, which is increasingly aligned with progressive ideology (and we embody the educational elite he describes - not religious group in the US but Hindus has more education or post-graduate degrees).

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/10/trumpism-republican-party-exile-david-brooks/680243/?gift=UyN9DCjOc2Mh2mDsMFTgT3fwf4P78eZ5OvQd6nw4Olw&utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share

ConspiracyTheories #DeepPolarization #BuildingBridges

I think this minister is onto something:

"What if the most absurd conspiracy theory could reveal profound truths about our deepest human needs? In a world where divisions run deep and conversations can feel like battlegrounds, how do we reach across the chasms that separate us? Join us as we uncover surprising insights into why we cling to certain beliefs, explore the power of love that stretches beyond comfort zones, and discover whether the bridges between us are closer than they appear."

https://youtu.be/qDyNXgj5pGk

I and others regularly notice that alternative viewpoints on this and the other UU forum are regularly mass downvoted in what I assume is a attempt to collapse or hide them. For just an example, the below comment by another user was hidden:

Thank you for sharing! I realize that many out there do not like the concept of diversity of thought and opinion. But Michael Servetus provided a beacon of hope for those like me that enjoy diversity by willing to stake his life on it. I will stake my reddit karma on it here! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Servetus It will be good for the UUA to have some friendly competition to help provide the organizational support and ministerial search support that all congregations benefit from.

This all reflects poorly on the the forums and UU, which is supposed to be a liberal, pluralistic, noncreedal church and welcomes and listens to diverse viewpoints. It represents bad trends in UU these days, and trends that have driven many from their congregations and UU.

I make this an OP, because I know it can be downvoted but not hidden from view.

Hi,

I’m a newer member. I joined a group earlier this year. I have decided I’d like to leave for several reasons but have not told any other members. I haven’t met my pledge yet either. How does one leave? Do I have to meet my pledge before I leave?

strict church theory is that strict conservative churches grow while leniant liberal churches decline because of their austere demands of congregants. uu is declining, unity church is declining, united church of christ is declining, church of the prismatic light was a flash in the pan, mainline protestant churches are declining but evangelical, amish and mormon churches are all growing like kudzu. southern baptists got the lion share of congregants from the split northern baptists are like "american baptist who?" even though northern baptists are a lot less effed up.

but maybe it's not so bad we're small? why does liberal religion need a single institution to be big? i think the biggest u in uu isn't unitarian or universalist, it's unchurched, meaning folx that have the same beliefs as uu's but don't want to participate in organized religion. and i think uu's leniance is a virtue cos imo the difference between a religion and a cult is how they treat folx who left the faith, a test uu passes with flying colors. i think instead of concentrating on numbers for one religion uu should foster more interfaith stuff with like-hearted believers of all institutions and of none at all. it might even help uu get more folx since most people don't even know uu doesn't do dogma and that in this historically christian religion you can even be pagan (most pagans don't tell anyone they are pagan, let alone do so in a place that looks like a christian church).

tldr, love over numbers, many institutions over one

I am a person who professes another religion but I like to attend the services of Unitarian churches, especially when I am away from my community. In addition to the CLF services, do you know of other churches with online services?

This is me coming back to update everyone on my experience! Last week, I made a post looking for guidance on whether Unitarian Universalism would be a good fit for me and how to attend a service. Many of you responded with kind words of encouragement, and today, I finally attended.

When I say my experience was incredible, I truly mean it. I arrived at the parking lot about 10 minutes before the service, which was scheduled to begin at 11 AM. Guest parking was clearly marked and easy to find—especially since my anxiety had me checking it out on Google Earth beforehand! The lot was packed, which was definitely not what I had expected. The campus itself is shaped like a large “U,” with a massive courtyard in the middle.

As I followed others into the courtyard, two older women approached me right away, asked if I was new, and kindly showed me to the welcome table outside the sanctuary. There, I met one of the greeters, who was incredibly welcoming. He explained how the service would go, offered me a name badge, and handed me the order of service. After that, he led me into the sanctuary and told me I could sit wherever I felt comfortable.

The sanctuary was beautiful—filled with natural light and high wood ceilings that felt inspirational. And the smell… it was like honeysuckle or fresh flowers. Just amazing. Today’s service focused on remembering our loved ones who have passed, which tied into Día de los Muertos. The music was moving, the readings from the reverend were thoughtful, and I even appreciated the part when all the new guests were asked to stand so the congregation could welcome us. Several of us stood, and the applause we received was so heartwarming. It was a wonderful feeling.

There was also a moment during the service where everyone greeted their neighbors, which I enjoyed. Several people came over to introduce themselves to me, making me feel even more at ease. After the service, they had food and coffee available for everyone. A woman came up to me and asked if I’d be interested in a UU 101 course, just to learn more about the religion and what it means. She wasn’t pushy at all, just kind and informative, so I agreed.

The course itself was great—there were a few other people joining too. The two women leading the course were knowledgeable and passionate, but never in a way that felt intimidating. Afterward, they gave us a tour of the campus, showing us a library filled with books by philosophers, social justice authors, and writings on the UU faith. They encouraged us to explore the campus freely and made it clear that we were welcome back anytime.

What struck me most was that, throughout the entire experience, no one was trying to impose their beliefs on me. It was clear that everyone holds their own beliefs, and the focus of the UU faith is to support individuals in finding what they believe in. I will definitely be back next week!

to add* yes, they had coffee. 🤣 It was offered both before and after the service. The courtyard had a covered patio and if I had to guess, I would say around 40 people were gathered, drinking coffee and eating pastries, while chatting with others.

Hi everyone! I’m seeking some guidance or insight from those who may have walked a similar path. I grew up in a large family that occasionally attended a Pentecostal church, though we weren’t deeply committed to it—it was more of a convenience. After I came out, my family was essentially pushed out of the church, and we haven’t returned since. These days, my parents will still mention God or talk about Christ, but it’s not as fervent as it was during my childhood.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found myself grappling with my faith and spiritual identity. I’ve always had so many questions about religion, but more often than not, my questions were either dismissed or left unanswered. Now, nearing 30, I know I believe in something, but I’m not entirely sure what. Recently, I came across Unitarian Universalism (UU), and it really piqued my interest.

There’s a UU church less than 15 minutes from me here in Texas, and I’m curious about attending a service. Do you simply walk in and take a seat in the sanctuary? I’m a bit cautious about attending because I’ve never been to a place like this, and I’m unsure what to expect.

Could anyone explain, in simple terms, what UU believes? What texts, if any, are used? And as someone who might identify as agnostic (I don’t deny the existence of a higher power, but I feel it may be impossible for humans to fully understand it), do you think UU would be a good fit for me? I’d really appreciate any insights or experiences!

North American Unitarian Association hosts its first conference at Spokane church with focus on political division from keynote speaker John Wood Jr. | The Spokesman-Review

I’m a member/employee at my church, and have been struggling in recent months to do my job and feel safe in my community because of our minister. She is extraordinarily controlling, dismissive, gossipy, and generally seemingly out of touch with the practice of our UU values. When I first started attending we were lay-led and struggling to find a minister, so there’s this weird aspect to the congregational relationship where many people are super grateful because she stepped up and took charge, but those who actually have to work with her on a close basis (most church employees) are struggling. When she first came, I personally felt written off by her (she would literally ignore me if I tried to talk to her)until she realized that I was “important” in some way as I am heavily involved both in logistics for the church and several of our activities. I wanted to write this off as generational and cultural differences as she is from the opposite side of the country from our church, but I’ve continued to feel dismissed in our interactions. One of the first times I spoke with her it was to discuss use of our space for letter writing campaign for a cease-fire in Gaza. I was told that we “can’t have it here“ despite the fact that other UUs in our area were at the time doing the similar campaigns. She later made it clear from the pulpit that she “agreed with President Biden” on condemning the protests against the genocide, which is ironic because I’ve been told several times not to bring up politics. She has: -Repeatedly ignored my and others instructions in how to treat our sound equipment, resulting in us having to purchase new microphones that we had not budgeted for. -Gotten up out of her seat and gone to the back of the room mid-service to tell me I was doing something with our projection she didn’t like -Complained in spaces where I was not present about me posting on our social media without her permission (I started our instagram with her and she does not post on it- and all I was posting was taken directly from our newsletter. -taken down decorations put up by others directly before a service. -multiple times kicked me and my coworker out of the chapel while we were securing equipment which has to be done after service. -berated our pianist for using her phone during service to look at the script. -when I performed at our auction, she looking at her phone a for THE ENTIRETY of my 10 minute performance. Today, she sent an email thanking me for my “attempts” to moderate our facebook page after she promoted a post about us being queer affirming that was immediately swarmed by the wrong kind of attention, and reminding me not to post anything “political”. I assume the latter was in regard to my post about Indigenous People’s Day, in which I shared information about the specific tribe whose lands the church resides on. I was very careful to share only facts in the post, and I quite literally used to work at a museum that covered 19th century history in our area, so I’m unsure how that could be considered political. I’m a pretty direct communicator and would love to just work this out by sitting down with her, but on occasions I’ve met with her for lunch or meetings I have found her to be very unreceptive and quite prone to uncomfortably racially charged stories about her time in India. From my talks with other congregants and staff members, feeling uncomfortable with her seems to be a common occurrence (4/5 staff I’ve spoken to) and several members, including our oldest member. I am considering going to the board about it, but I’m currently on my way to petition them to add social media management to my job title as there is an increasing need that cannot be met through volunteer work and I don’t want to ruffle any feathers until that’s gone through. My church is pretty much my whole community, and while I don’t want to even consider leaving, I’m unsure what other course of action I can even take here.

I live in a rural part of WV and have no access to a UU church, so I figured I would do a virtual service. I really enjoyed it and wish there was a physical place I could go to socialize in person. I was raised Catholic, but never kept with it. Over the past few years I have been searching for a spiritual path. I work outside everyday so I have always felt connected to the natural world. I have read the Torah, practiced Paganism, looked into Eastern Orthodox, Buddhism, Tarot, Transcendentalism, Hermeticism and even Chaos Magick. I feel like sprinting through a Labyrinth, but today's service felt good.

What should I read, listen to, or watch to learn more about the history, beliefs, and philosophy of Unitarian Universalism? I'm someone who really likes to read the fine print before committing. I don't think I'll learn anything that will stop me from joining, but I don't want to declare myself a UU without being able to explain what that means.

Thoroughly skippable details:

I went to my friend's UU church as a teen and off and on to the largest one in my area a few years ago, but it didn't feel like a good fit and I had an appalling experience at their new member meeting and a bad time at a few services. About a year and a half ago, I started going to a tiny UU church near me, only about 20 or so members and about the same number of regular guests.

I like it. It's not perfect, the members are older and white and a bit out of touch, the size of the congregation limits the amount of impact they can have, and there's a little more emphasis on activism than on spirituality. But, they're not at all stuck on staying the same for eternity and are looking to evolve and they've been really welcoming. A few people drive me crazy, but that's anywhere.

Thank you!

Love spiritual LoA YouTube like Skylife, Leeor Alexandra, The Secret, Joe Dispenza, classics too like Earl Nightingale. Do any UU congregations do LoA?

Hi y'all! My husband and I are thinking of moving up to the Boise area from Central Texas and we are curious about Boise UU Fellowship. We have a young child and I grew up going to First UU Dallas. We are currently members of a smaller congregation and I was wondering what the vibe was. I'm really interested in the youth programming as I am an OWL educator. If anyone has insights, please comment or PM me!

Hello,

I am visiting Fort Collins - Cheyenne area this month, and I would love to visit a unitarian church down there. Does anyone there have a recommendation? I have done a bit of research, and found a few, but I feel like making my choice of where to visit would be better if I have someone with more personal knowledge give insight.

I'll be in for a weekend. Does anyone have a recommendation for a Saturday service and a Sunday service? I could probably do different churches for each day.

Just a little bit about me, I am a young bloke in his 20s. I am also an Atheist, so these things are more for community for me than spiritual development.

I appreciate all of your insights!

Let us know how you were impacted and if there is anything we can do to help.

For those unaware, the organization is "Churches for Middle East Peace". The UUA is one member of the organization along with a couple dozen other (mainline Christian) denominations.

I've been invited on a CMEP peacemaking trip to Israel/Gaza in November, organized by a friend of mine from another denomination (not one of the member churches but they share CMEP's main philosophy).

I'm inclined to take the trip because the person inviting me is a person I trust in terms of finding safe, educational and theologically appropriate travel partners. If there are any UUs who are familiar with the organization and their mission I'm interested in connecting before I go.

personally i have been doing reaserch on wicca an peganism for about a year now and i am ready to start doing some rituals and magic, but i also believe in Jesus and the classic christian god, also angles, archangels, things like auras and energy, and lastly i would like to continue celebrating christmas. how can i have witchy practices without having to decate myself to paganism?

I moved to a place with no uu 😭 who do I talk to to get one opened here? I miss having one. The closest is an hour away. I emailed them and they said to contact the website and I did but I haven't gotten any clear answers.

Many UUs talk about striving for multiculturalism in their Unitarian Universalist congregations. I argue that Unitarian Universalism is already multicultural. There are 3 cultures. Liberal, Protestant and White. I strongly doubt anybody is considering giving up on liberalism although we might find "conservative" people interesting, I don't have a sense we are striving to include any more than we already have. People may be flexible on Protestantism, but my belief is that many UUs don't want our congregations to be so white. - Feel free to argue with my premises!

It is admirable that we look around at our sameness and with an awareness that we might be missing out on the richer experiences that we might have if we weren't all so similar. - And so we might be interested in people who aren't necessarily protestant but we are definitely interested in people who aren't white.

Now I will land the plane. If we are interested in people who aren't white, we should go visit them, when and where appropriate, in their spaces and times. Inviting other people, people who are different than we are, to come to visit us in our spaces and at our times suggests that we know more about where they aught to be than they do!

So, if we are interested in people that aren't similar to us, we should go visit them. If we don't go visit the people in whom the have so much interest, maybe we really aren't that interested. - What do we have to offer to people who have their own full, rich lives filled with their own friends, families and cultures?

I know it's not in the nicest of contexts, but I live for it. Shhhhh....don't hate me.

Here's one: there is a UU musician who travels the country doing worship services and has never, ever, ever, ever, ever washed their hair. I have receipts!

I am a practicing Muslim seeking a home faith community that aligns with my faith practice, my politics, and my perspective on the world... unfortunately as a woman who is vocal about those politics & perspectives I am not entirely welcome at any otherwise-accessible mosques, so I'm forced to get a little more creative in my search. Via many years of interfaith community organizing beside Unitarians I know that our politics & perspectives often align, and based on the tenets and UU lit I've examined so far it seems like at the very least I can hang out on Sundays without committing shirk... then when I was chatting with a colleague who is a Unitarian minister, she mentioned that there are indeed Unitarian Muslims out there. Is that true?

Any Unitarian Muslims out there who would be willing to chat about it?

Hey, my name is Tim. I am a first time user of Reddit, and joined because I saw this thread. I am a member in Pasadena, Ca., and am a recovered-Christian-turned-atheist. I'm still in the proverbial closet about my faithless belief and plan to keep it this way. I am Japanese American and J.A.s tend to be loyal to something they hold dear. Sadly, Christianity is one of them. So why the sour comment? Because, the white members of my denomination felt we could not be trusted during WWII. Forget the fact that my people fought Nazis during WWII as the 442nd RCT and my uncle, a Japanese American helped defeat Japan while serving with the Military Intelligence Services. What also turned me away was that the same people who trust Jesus, did not trust us, thus made this verse. Psalm 23:4 King James Version 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. worthless. So if they don't have faith in God, then how would God help me or is racism justifiable? I left because of racism.

BTW, according to the Japanese American National Museum in Los Angeles, Japanese American Christians made up of more than 50 percent of the population before, during and after WWII. While in Japan, Christians make up about one percent of the total population. So why the vast difference? Racism. When I studied the history, it was forced assimilation in the new world that guide the immigrants and not the love of Jesus. Maybe today things have changed after being indoctrinated for generations, but that's why I'm an atheist in a U.U. congregation.

Hi everyone! I really resonate with Unitarian Universalism and have been attending a congregation for a few months. I have always felt a calling to ministry that I have avoided for multiple reasons. I feel I am in a place to pursue this calling now, but I'm afraid my financial situation could be a blockage. I am a teacher making decent money and I am paying off debt for a bachelors degree and 2 masters degrees. I know going into ministry requires a Mdiv. which would require more debt. I'm wondering if there is a path forward for me to leave teaching and pursue the ministry without going into more debt (hopefully) and still being able to pay my other student loans while supporting myself with normal life costs.

1) Is there a path to ministry that doesn't require further student loans?

2) Any advice from folks who changed careers to ministry from something else and how you managed that financially?

3) Do you know of any grants or other ways of paying for an Mdiv?

Any advice would help, thanks!

Hello, I am asking for prayers for my life. It is a mess. I am in my 20's and feel like I am going nowhere. I have no job, car or family. Also besides that I have crippling OCD and anxiety that leaves me bedridden some days.

I used to work a nice blue collar job but my mental health and physical health have gotten so bad I cannot perform anymore and have had to apply for disability and food stamps and that could take months or literally years.

I know there’s a lot of other people out there with it worse than me but this is bad.

I have been reading the book of Job and I do not understand how he did it. He stayed strong though and he came through it just like I’m going to. Just please pray and send good vibes for me.

I am gay also and my speakable family disowned me for that. I have been to several churches to no avail. I was able to apply for disability but was told it could take months to years upon years to get it. I just need help right now, I am experiencing hunger, and I need some help. I am ebarrased to do this but I have nowhere else to turn. I have tried to get help from churches and other organizations, but to no surprise I was turned away and told they didnt have anything. But I know there are people who have it worse than me, but I am scared I cannot make it. I dont have a car or anything and live in a rural area. I am so scared. Please, even if you cant send me money please send me good vibes and thoughts.

I have no family I can borrow off of and my credit is trash, so I can't borrow money. I have PayPal if anyone can help. My name on there is @tinysky1237 If anyone could help I would greatly pay you back when I get on my feet. I also have cashapp $crawfishpie32 if not please send me good vibes as I have never felt this low in my life. I literally have no food, rent is 2 months behind, getting evicted at the end of the month, health is hot, no family, sometimes I just feel like I should not be here anymore.

I never thought I’d have to do this with my anxiety being so bad like I never thought I’d get to the point I couldn’t function. And I’d have to resort to doing this but it’s my last hope literally.

I know this looks very suspicious, and I do not blame you for thinking that, but I swear I am not lying and am at the end of my rope, I really think I can't go on. Sorry, I hope I didn't make you depressed by reading this. I miss my family, but i am still weirdly mad at them? Is this normal? I have applied for medicaid and am going to try and get mental help when it gets approved it just takes forever. I would just like to ask everyone again, to send good vibes, I really feel like I cant go on and if you can send anything please do anything will help. This is very embarrasing to do, but I have no other options.

Just please I’m so sorry and embarrassed to do this but it’s really the only option I have. Please send good vibes for me.

Please pray for me for healing of my mental health. I don't even feel like a person anymore.

Hello, I am asking for prayers for my life. It is a mess. I am in my 20's and feel like I am going nowhere. I have no job, car or family. Also besides that I have crippling OCD and anxiety that leaves me bedridden some days.

I used to work a nice blue collar job but my mental health and physical health have gotten so bad I cannot perform anymore and have had to apply for disability and food stamps and that could take months or literally years.

I know there’s a lot of other people out there with it worse than me but this is bad.

I have been reading the book of Job and I do not understand how he did it. He stayed strong though and he came through it just like I’m going to. Just please pray for me.

It really gets dark some days but I try to grit and bare through it. Some days I live minute to minute literally. Like I said I know there are people who have it far worse than me in the world but this is bad. It's the hardest and worst thingive ever been through in my life.

I am gay also and my speakable family disowned me for that. I have been to several churches to no avail. Like I said before I was able to apply for disability but was told it could take months to years upon years to get it. I just need help right now, I am experiencing hunger, and I need some help. I am embarrased to do this but I have nowhere else to turn. I have tried to get help from churches and other organizations, but to no surprise I was turned away and told they didnt have anything. But I know there are people who have it worse than me, but I am scared I cannot make it. I dont have a car or anything and live in a rural area. I am so scared. Please, even if you cant send me money please send me good vibes and thoughts.

I have no family I can borrow off of and my credit is trash, so I can't borrow money. I have PayPal if anyone can help. My name on there is @tinysky1237 I also have cash app it is $crawfishpie32. If anyone could help I would greatly pay you back when I get on my feet, if not please send me good vibes as I have never felt this low in my life. I literally have no food, rent is 2 months behind, getting evicted at the end of the month, health is hot, no family, sometimes I just feel like I should not be here anymore.

I never thought I’d have to do this with my anxiety being so bad like I never thought I’d get to the point I couldn’t function. And I’d have to resort to doing this but it’s my last hope literally.

I know this looks very suspicious, and I do not blame you for thinking that, but I swear I am not lying and am at the end of my rope, I really think I can't go on. Sorry, I hope I didn't make you depressed by reading this. I miss my family, but i am still weirdly mad at them? Is this normal? I have applied for medicaid and am going to try and get mental help when it gets approved it just takes forever. I would just like to ask everyone again, to send good vibes, I really feel like I cant go on and if you can send anything please do anything will help. This is very embarrasing to do, but I have no other options. I'm about to get evicted, I have no money for bills or food. Oh Lord help me to please have the strength to get through this time because I know there will be better times one day, I just wish they'd hurry up.

Just please I’m so sorry and embarrassed to do this but it’s really the only option I have. Please send good vibes for me.

I have been poking around learning about UUs, and I'm very interested in RE and OWL classes for my children. The problem is the local UU dosen't have any children's programs, the second closest is over an hour away. I can't afford the gas or time commitment to attend the children's program, 2 hour round trip plus service(s) and the 2pm owl program. I would have to leave before 9 am and come home after 4pm. Those of you who have experience with OWL, do you feel it is a curriculum I can just purchase and teach my children, or do I really need a trained instructor for it to be properly taught? With the grade levels( K-1, 4-6, 7-9, 10-12) do you use the K-1 for 2nd grade and the 4-6 for 3rd grade? I'm sorry I have so many questions, but any insight would be helpful. Thank you!

Unitarian Universalism’s Fad-Hopping Problem (substack.com)

After Hamas attack, a successful minister becomes a rabbi – The Forward

I grew up in India in a traditional Hindu family. I'm so glad to learn about Unitarian Universalist religion as it is accepting of all people no matter their sexual orientations or belief structures. The fact that you guys have managed to establish a progressive community of rational, sane and open minded people who support progressive social policies is so incredible to me.

I wanna learn more about this. Can anyone enlighten me on your religion. Please note I'm a person who has a very basic knowledge of Christianity growing up in this part of the world so I need to learn more and more things about this incredible religion, its beliefs and the practices it preaches. Can anyone enlighten me on this? Also do you guys have presence here in India or anywhere outside the US as of now?

Hi,

This could be a sensitive topic for people here. I don't know. The title asks it all. There is /r/UUreddit, and there is r/UnitarianUniversalist.

What is the difference between the two?

It just seems like the work that gets put into some discussions and resources would get duplicated, which is a bit of a waste of time. Plus it's confusing.

I wonder if there could be a brief explanation on the sidebar maybe?

There has been a trend in Christianity towards a renewed interest in intentional community. I'm thinking of 'new monastic' groups like the Iona Community and Taize.

Here is a link for an example of what I'm thinking of. These guys are liberal Christians: https://www.abbeychurch.ca/pages/the-emmaus-community.

Are there any groups like this among Unitarians? Anything come to mind that involves people choosing to live together and engaging in shared spiritual practices and meals, etc.?

Our congregation used to have a very popular broadly themed discussion group before service every Sunday. But when Covid came, it went on-line via Zoom, like everything else. However, it never "came back." Its leader(s) merged it with two other groups that were not associated with our church (both sophisticated philosophy discussion groups). Now, it is nothing at all like what it used to be. It has many more members, including many from all over the world, but it is no longer a UU group and very few of our members still attend. The group seems to have left us, in all but name.

In a couple of days, I will be pitching an idea for a Forum/Discussion group to our church's council. The idea is that this group is going to be what the above-mentioned discussion group used to be before Covid. I know that there is a pretty significant demand for a group like this and I am almost positive the idea will be approved by our council.

The only point I am concerned about is its in-person status. The point of the group I feel is not learning things per se (we have community college and on-line courses for that). It is learning things in community. It is about building community by learning together, by sharing knowledge and experience and by being with each other, in the same room, smilling at each other, furrowing our brows at each other, cocking our heads inquisitively at each other, looking each other in the eye. And basically you cannot do that on Zoom. You cannot really *feel* a connection with others on Zoom. So, I definitely want this group to be in-person.

I actually don't think I will have any problem pitching an in-person discussion group. However, I would like an exclusively in-person discussion group. I have been in so many meetings over the past two years or so that are hybrid ... and it just never works well. It is difficult for moderators. It makes things awkward for the rest of the group. You have to have a microphone and wait for the microphone to be passed and speak into the microphone. And, you know, there is just something intimacy-destroying about that.

Or, you have everyone huddled around one computer and someone always trying to relay information or checking in with the people on-line to make sure they are following. And repeating things for those on-line. And .. there is something intimacy-destroying about that.

Also, I get the strong impression that members who do attend meetings or services via Zoom are, how shall I say this? um well, either not quite as much into making an effort to physically get themselves to our buidling, trying to save time or money. Which is fine for a service ... but for meetings where we would like to have a natural back-and-forth, it just doesn't work. I can't think of anyone in our congregation who couldn't actually come in person ... if they really wanted to. Ok, I just got that out there.

Yes, I realize that sometimes some people might be ill, or want to isolate, but in that case, they could just skip a week of the discussion group.

So, has anyone here successfully gone back to entirely in-person groups? And if so, how did you deal with members who now assume that a virtual option will be available for everything, even if it isn't truly needed. In other words, people who now assume that everything will be made as easy as possible for them.

I hope this hasn't turned into too much of a rant. I'm just anticipating feel frustrated with this and am looking for ways of heading the problem off at the pass, as it were.

Hi! I am someone who describes myself as a Unitarian Universalist - I don't have a UU church in my town, but I share a lot of the same values/beliefs. That said, something I think I'd get value from would be a daily devotion - something I could read while sipping my coffee in the mornings at work and meditate on/pray about. I was raised (fundie/evangelical) Christian, and I know a lot of Christian traditions have these, but I actually am hoping to find some devotionals that dive into more than just one faith, and bring nuggets of wisdom from different faiths every day.

I also prefer a physical book for this. I am very 'out of sight, out of mind' and will forget it and have a hard time forming a habit of reading it if it's tucked away in an app somewhere. I'd prefer to keep it right next to my coffee setup on my desk at work.

Is there anything y'all would recommend?

It seems like there is no recourse for when a UU church has a "bad" minister. Our church minister recently became contracted. Just to add, this church seems to have a history of not so great ministers. The previous minister before this recently contracted one was asked to leave due to someone warning to take legal action against them.

This current minister is disorganized but worst of all, extremely rude. There was even been a whole committee created to manage complaints against the minister. This minister even went as far as firing one of the Church's staff after they asked about a raise. They have even spoken of breaking away from the UUA for being too "woke."

They are barely in office during the week. They've pushed to get lots of amenities for their office, even going as far as saying they want a bathroom and bed in their office... after being contracted they purchased a nice house and honestly... it just seems like they are in the ministry for all the ways the church takes care of them. Sermons aren't even organized until sometimes Friday, which is frustrating for everyone else involved with Sunday services... I just don't know. It's very discouraging to see how this minister can get away with so much... I suppose this congregation really is just desperate to keep a minister, even if they are border-line narcissistic.

Any insight regarding this situation would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Hi friends! I think I mentioned in my previous post that I’m starting a new role at a Unitarian congregation, primarily as an office administrator and tech person.

Cheesy as it sounds, it’s more than just a job—it’s an opportunity to contribute to my community.

One way I find I can really connect with people is through humor and technology. I remember seeing a few amazing Unitarian-themed dad jokes here, including a great one about a Jehovah’s Witness.

I’d love to hear all of your best Unitarian dad jokes so I can spring them on my colleagues, and maybe make a video and hopefully make everyone either laugh or groan laugh!

Thanks in advance for your help!

Hello everyone!

As someone new to this vibrant community, I'm still navigating the nuances of our shared humor and what's considered tasteful. I've noticed that this community balances a deep sense of spirituality with an open-minded approach to diverse perspectives, which is refreshing!

I came across a joke that I found amusing, but I want to make sure it aligns with the general sensibilities here. I know it's folly to generalize about any group of people, but generally speaking, is 'chill' a good word to describe you kind folks?

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/mfaAbsa95fk

Does anyone have any good UU podcast recommendations? I grew up catholic and then came out as a trans man and well, that ended there lol. But I really love what the UU church stands for in their seven principles and just want to learn more about it and/or hear old sermons :)

Thanks!

I pray in my living room every Saturday night and I was wondering if other UU's did that

I am going to church again after a decade long absence. I deconstructed away from church of Christ to atheism. And recently began attending my local UU. I'm excited and plan to become a member.

But today I felt something I haven't felt in years: post Sunday service and lunch exhaustion. I went to the 45 minute inquirers class at 11am and had light lunch at Flower Child after. This is different in that when I attended CoC, we went to class around 9am, worship at 10am, and then had a large lunch. I remember always feels so miserably exhausted, noting under eye irritation as well. I chalked this up to me not wearing my hearing aids regularly (having to compensate and strain) and having undiagnosed insomnia.

Writing this I realize I was straining to hear in class and in the restaurant (no hearing aids) but I haven't worn the hearing aids regularly in months.

Is something that anyone else can relate to?

You all aren’t going to like what I have to say so let me give some context. I am a white man in his forties that was born and raised a democrat by a poor single mother. My wife and social circles are for the most part very liberal. We go to a Unitarian universalist church. I lived my whole childhood in diverse neighborhoods, and was one of a few white kids in my school at one point. I have three mixed children. I was poor. I remember eating only bisquick and powdered milk for a week at one point, and my mother needed social programs to help us survive. I’ve had many minority and gay friends over the years and a large portion of my extended family are minorities. I’ve got a nephew and babysitter who are trans, and very close gay friends and family members. I care a great deal about these people and want a safe and fair future for all of them. I’ve kept my mouth shut on these topics for a long time out of fear retribution and that is why this post is anonymous.

Despite some of my disadvantages I’ve gone on to be middle management. I manage a large department and I’m accountable for a lot of people. I’m fairly well known in my field to the point where I wouldn’t want to air publicly what I’m feeling now for fear it would impact my career. I’m highly educated from a good school in psychology and an MBA, with a very strong technical and analytical background in statistics and data.

I was shocked and disappointed and upset when Trump was elected the first time. I’m a student of history and I read it for fun. There are clear patterns that recur over and over. Populism, scapegoating, escalating rhetoric, targeting of political opponents and their loved ones in a very personal way are all standard lead ups to civil war and genocide. It happens quickly, much more quickly than people think. So I started monitoring the conservative side to make sure they weren’t taking those critical next steps of dehumanization, and ‘disappearing’ critics or identifying key people to target.

So I started monitoring the conservative side. What were they pissed about? What were they complaining about, why were they mad at the people they were mad at. What were the philosophies that they were subscribing to that made them take the stances they were taking? Once I filtered out the conspiracy theories and racist nonsense that was pure propaganda, some of the concerns started to make sense. I was shocked that I actually agreed with some of it. When I tried to discuss with people I thought would be fairly understanding and reasonable, I was met with vitriol and dismissive attitudes.

Social issues seem to be the subject that causes the most emotional pain for people and why everyone is pissed off on both sides. There are a couple easy steps to piss off group Y:

1. Tell them their pain isn’t as important as group Xs
2. Take their money and give it to group X while Y is struggling.

For the most part, in the United States, white men are saddled with the label of antagonist in most special interest stories(because they are). The history is pretty clear, they have been in charge, they have created the rules, and oftentimes those rules were created to support white men, or hold down group X.

Most of the current liberal strategy for addressing racial and social inequality seems to revolve around attempting to ‘educate’ or instill white guilt, and being overtly aggressive towards even perceived racism.

Instilling white guilt isn’t working for a lot of whites, especially white men. For me, this strategy doesn’t work. It assumes the target believes in original sin and feels a sense of responsibility for the crimes of their father. I don’t believe in original sin. I didn’t own slaves, I didn’t kill indigenous people, I didn’t invade anywhere and rape and pillage. I am not responsible for the crimes of people that look like me in a different generation and I got no inheritance as a result of those crimes, so I’m guilt free. “But you have benefited”. Have I? I don’t see it, and there are few people who can have their current wealth tied to old money that was made from oppression. A lot of the institutions responsible for those crimes are long gone, or already paid restitution. Go after the ones that haven’t.

Stop dismissing my pain and other white men’s pain because something a distant relative may or may not have been involved with. Stop being prejudiced and bigoted toward me. My dad was a dick and I refuse to take responsibility for his actions. I’m my own person, if you want to pay your parents debts, go for it, but I won’t. I’m not going to apologize or voluntarily take a penalty in life for crimes I didn't commit(who would?). It's a non-starter. I feel backed into a corner on this and I’m sure a majority of white males would agree, but we are all afraid to voice it. When I’ve raised discrimination or dismissal of white male concerns in liberal circles, I was at best dismissed, at worst I’ve been labeled a sexist or racist. So I don’t talk about it anymore with them.

“Speak your truth and confront racism when you see it” isn’t working. If every time somebody makes an off color joke, or makes you uncomfortable and you confront them, you just isolated yourself and increased the polarization of the country a little more. People who make others uncomfortable aren’t invited to the next party. The party you aren’t invited to will be a little more racist next time. Pick your battles. So put up with some discomfort in the interest of forming some relationships. What I’ve found is that many liberals have really poor judgment on what is prejudicial behavior. You all should not trust your own judgment.

Turn the aggression off completely in social settings if you are smart, and only confront people you are especially close with, and even then be selective and don’t make it a choice between you and X behavior. Just let them know you don’t like it. Gently. Stop being dicks.

I went to a racial sensitivity and awareness teaching seminar put on by my very liberal church. It spanned several weekends and frankly I wasn’t initially scared to discuss my frustration and pain. When I did express it, I was basically told by a feminist liberal elitist sociology college professor that my opinion didn’t matter because I was a white man, I’m not published, and I haven’t studied the subject enough. I was shocked at the interaction and it hit me that she was the cliche stereotype they talk about in conservative circles! Needless to say I felt marginalized and that my opinion and voice wasn’t valued. I didn’t talk much after that and don’t intend to any time soon.

I refuse to participate in the ‘white supremacy culture’ storyline. It lumps me in with prejudiced groups just because of who I am. I do not live in a nazi, kkk culture and it is insulting to imply that I do. I understand what they are trying to sell, and that whole theory has some weight, but for the love of good marketing of the ideas, stop associating it with Nazis and white supremacists. Labeling anybody who disagrees with your theories as a racist isn’t productive, and cuts down lines of communication.

Emotionally what finally shut me down completely was when the term ‘white tears’ was said to me after I expressed some frustration. Somebody used that phrase on me which basically implies… You are white, your problems aren’t as bad as mine because you aren’t a part of an oppressed group. It's dismissive and racist. People are just people. Their pain is all equally important. Your pain isn’t special. Aggression begets aggression, and indifference begets indifference. So while at one point in my life diversity and inclusion were important to me, they aren’t anymore. The people pushing for those things don’t care about me and my pain, so why should I care about theirs?

Stop taking money by gunpoint via taxes from group Y and giving it to group X. You want to start a special education program that is economic needs based and not race or special interest specific, I’m onboard. Economic help, sure, social programs for the needy, put it on the ballot. As soon as a program excludes white people, you are just taking their money. No special race related economic programs and scholarships. It isn’t justice for all If I can’t qualify for it as a poor white male who needed help. If a group is disadvantaged, they will disproportionately benefit from those programs and will begin the process of closing the gaps that history gave us.

Side note:

That race relations seminar stuff was a major echo chamber with about 22 white women, 3 white guys and an Indian. So much elitist unintentionally racist stuff was said during the meetings it was difficult to sit through. White savior complex is strong with the UUs. Stop talking about minorities like they are special and need your protection because they are helpless and disadvantaged. They are just people, some of them need help, some of them don’t, and some of them are assholes and racists too. A white lady almost cried when talking about a conflict she had with a black woman over the course of 3 years. She had asked if the person was from a cardinal area of the city not realizing that area was a slum. The black lady took offense and tortured her for 3 years until it finally blew up. Instead of just acknowledging that the black lady was probably just a jerk, the white lady had internalized it and was still trying to figure out what she had done wrong years later. Stop the white guilt… sometimes people are just assholes regardless of race.

Affirmative action, diversity and inclusion training etc is a problem for all of us, not just white men. I was raised to value diversity and equality and I still feel this way, but the implementation of these policies has hurt us as a country and let me tell you the story and experience that changed my position.

About 8 years ago I was a middle manager in corporate America with an organization with about 100 people in it. I had a group in need of a manager and the pool of candidates was fairly small. Of the internal candidates, several men and a woman applied for the role. Gail was by far the most experienced in the team's duties from my perspective, and none of them had leadership experience. I promoted her into the position and after a few months in the role, she was still learning and made mistakes occasionally. I had anticipated this and expected that she would need some time to adjust and learn. I was coaching her. This is where it started getting contentious. She wouldn’t take direction or adjust, insisting that she knew what she was doing. From my perspective none of the issues were a big deal. The situation never even reached the point where I felt the need to write her up or start establishing a paper trail of concern with HR.

We had another failure where I told her she needed to take responsibility and ownership of an issue to get it resolved over the weekend. Gail went on medical leave the next week for mental health reasons which was a bit of a surprise to me since I hadn’t thought much of the situation. Strange, but whatever, her team didn’t care for her, and they all worked independent of her since she hadn’t lived up to the role yet.

She was gone for months, but still on the roster. She used up her PTO and went on medical leave. The group moved on without her and I promoted an Iranian/British guy who had stepped up in her absence. I didn’t think she would ever return.

Just as I was starting to forget about her completely, Gail filed a discrimination lawsuit against the company. There was a lot more to the suit than me, and I was not a named defendant, but she did reference her time under me and that she felt she was discriminated against by me. She mentioned that I had recommended her read “Nice girls don’t get the corner office” and that she felt she hadn’t been given the same leeway as her male counterparts. The book is a self help coaching book about being assertive that I recommend my managers read and it sits on my desk still to this day. All of the parts of the suit that pertained to me were nonsense and the fact that I had promoted her flew directly in the face of discrimination. I had given her an opportunity. She just hadn’t risen to the role, and didn’t seem to be able to handle the stress.

It changed my whole perspective on affirmative action and discrimination related legislation and lawsuits. I now had a completely different concern during the hiring and promotion process. I never took race, religion, sexuality etc into consideration previously. The most qualified person for the job was my attitude.

Now I viewed minority and female candidates as a threat. My livelihood was personally threatened because they have a special power that white men don’t. They can sue for discrimination much more casually. Even if they aren’t likely to win, it can drag your name through the mud and ruin your career and life. Every time I think about hiring or promoting some I have to ask myself how likely it is that I will get sued by them. Why take on the liability? Acting in my own self preservation interests now made me a racist?

I had a lot of soul searching to do. So I started to read the academic research on affirmative action, and diversity and inclusion efforts. What I found was typical of social science. Not much mathematics or predictive modeling, but a lot of postulating and assertion and theory. Truth seemed to be that nobody really has done what I would consider an objective based assessment of its effectiveness.

Then the situation got even weirder. Gail wanted her job back more than a year after she had left her role open. I had promoted her replacement officially once it was clear she wasn’t coming back so her old job wasn’t even available anymore. She wasn’t around and the work needed done. Her replacement had knocked it out of the park.

I was told by our legal department that I was required to find her an equivalent role within my organization and to treat her as if nothing had happened. Gail was looking to add a retaliation lawsuit on top of the one she had already filed, and denying her request would just make her case stronger.

So we brought her back onboard and we had a vacancy in another but similar area, so I slotted her in there… It wasn’t fair to the person who had earned that promotion, but hey… the company has to protect itself so Gail got her position back.

I was told I had to treat her just like every other direct report and have 1:1s, give direction and feedback etc. I refused to do so without HR present, and all meetings with her were recorded. I didn’t even explain to her why they were being recorded, she knew.

After a few months of zero expectations of her and having to spend two hours documenting every hour of work I did related to her area, she finally quit and moved on. She didn’t accomplish anything during that time period other than getting on everyone’s nerves.

I left the company and I don’t know what happened with the suit, but I suspect it was dismissed as most of them evidently are.

Over the years since then, I’ve had a number of employees with performance issues. The vast majority of people don’t go to HR or file a suit, but it is always a concern when you give feedback to some demographics. Will this turn into a suit or an HR accusation? I’ve had several situations where people felt upset and that they were being discriminated against, but the reality was that they just sucked at their jobs. I had an elderly employee, a black employee, and another female employee go to HR and complain over the years, but I was always way out in front of them with a paper trail before discussing the performance issues. I even had a white middle aged man claim he was being discriminated against which was comical.

In all those cases, even the white guy, they were already poor performers, so they were on the cut list when budgets got tight, but between the time when they filed a formal complaint with HR, and when the layoffs happened… They all sat in their offices, collecting a paycheck, completely untouchable, doing nothing, because as a disgruntled employee, we couldn’t trust them with critical deliverables for clients.

Reality check, affirmative action isn’t working and it causes a lot of social tension on a very personal level when you tell people they are being discriminated against. It is like telling someone there is a bear in the woods waiting to eat them. Bears are rare and rarely attack even when they are around, but they get paranoid and see bears everywhere.

If the system wasn’t punitive but rewarded diversity via tax credits instead, it would cause less social tension and probably be much more effective. Instead, at this point, I feel it is pushing us into more division, not less. Is discrimination wrong? Yea, but the incentives of the law make it punitive and it just isn’t working the way people thought it would. Racists just find ways around the law and it turns people into racists. I feel it is doing more harm than good at this point.

On the Wikipedia there are only a couple living ones that I’ve seen. Curious if anyone knows more?

Specifically I’d like to hire someone for a speaking engagement.

So me and my wife have been ex-christians for 4 years now. She's agnostic I'm atheist. Practice witchcraft on occasion. Normal shit. We are ungodly lonely. We live smack dab in the middle of the Bible belt and when we left the church we lost all our friends and family as we became "exiled" .

Anyway went to our local UU church and like it was cool but I don't understand it. I don't understand any of their core beliefs or unifying core messages. Everything I see is "Oh it's everything" but like yeah... Why? Why have church without the core of what makes a church. It's like a pencil with no lead to me. Can any of y'all explain it to me?

I have my daughters baptism coming up soon and I’m looking for readings.

Thought I’d ask here for some inspiration please

So my wife was raised in UU, and I see the value her experience had for her in her very different upbringing.. I was raised in Christian churches (evangelical and Episcopalian). I'm an atheist and don't like any form of organized religion. She wants to start bringing our two-year-old son to UU Sunday school citing the progressive and social values which we both share, but she found through church and I found outside of the church.

I've made it clear that I don't want him in a church of any kind, I feel like it taints one's ability to find where they want to be and who they are on their own, even if said religion is about exploration. She's insistent and this could honestly be a breaking point for us. I've said if she wants him to go she has to be ok with me sharing my views on churches and religions. She claims that I'm saying I'd be actively trying to sabotage our son's experience. I feel like I don't have a choice as if we split over this then she'd take him to church when I'm not with him, if I repair this and let her take him then I'm in a place of feeling like I would need to counter everything he's being told and sharing my view of religious frameworks as weak and dangerous.

How does this sit with other UUers? AITA? How does the radical inclusion of UU fit with the rejection of my desire as a parent to let our son come to his own decisions when he's old enough to seek out faith or the need for a religious community?

Edit: I have been to a UU Church, I have read a lot about UU, its beliefs and history, I'm on board with what yall are doing, I have read the RE materials and lessons, and it's great that atheists can go too, doesn't make it less of a church.

Edit II: it's pretty disappointing that the vast majority of replies have tried to sell me on your church and missed the point. I really appreciate the very thoughtful replies and consideration all the same.

Edit III: I think I misspoke, by teaching him the opposite, I meant teaching my views on the idea of churches/religion, ideas around why people need groups and others don't. I'll teach my son about racism and bigotry/non belief in science but from the perspective of how people can become misguided, hurtful amd wrong

I have searched for years for a place where I’m fine with people but to no avail. I think the internet is mostly comprised of jerks. I’m misanthropic. I’m antireligious. I’m anti trans ideology. But I want to put that aside because I think this sort of group is one that I could actually get along with people. I’m tired of being alone or being around people who think it’s ok to call a creator’s work ass or whatever. Because that is the best I could find in years of searching. That or people who excuse such behavior.

I've been a member of congregations in a couple of cities over the years, but never could commit to the one in my current city because I just couldn't deal with more dull sermons and services. Every one I've seen is read word-for-word from a page, with little to no extemporaneous speaking, and such little passion.

Why does this seem to be such a common trait in UU churches? And does anyone have recommendations for UU churches that aren't like this that livestream their services online?

Please don't kill me if I've got this wrong, I googled my query and Unitarian Universalist Association came up as an answer. Does the UUA, on the religious side, not believe in Hell and the Devil? Again if I'm wrong, my sincerest apologies.

Hello all. I am just curious to what UU's actually believe?

I consider myself a Secular Humanist, so it sounds like in that regard, it rolls with how I feel.

There's a movement among UUs (and I guess the liberal community in general) that any public speaker will begin by providing a self-description, for the benefit of any visually impaired people in their audience. My own congregation started doing this recently when a legally blind person started attending. (I'm unsure how involved she was personally in starting that practice with us, but I do know our minister started recommending it be done, and doing it herself, once this person started attending.)

Example, if I were introducing myself: "I am a middle-aged white man with greying brown hair and a bald spot, wearing a plaid shirt and blue jeans, and I use glasses."

It's always bugged me for some reason, and I think I've figured out why. A couple of reasons.

I'm not blind, but I do have a visual impairment in the form of reduced color vision (I hate the word "colorblind" because it implies black-and-white vision, which most of us don't have.) It's not something you would necessarily know about me unless I bring it up.

But for the people who do know this about me -- it hasn't happened much but is has happened, that people I meet decide I need a description of what they're wearing. I get they're trying to be inclusive, but when it happens to me as a non-blind person it feels really patronizing.

I also put the question into Google to see what other people are saying about it. I found several corporate DEI boards who are recommending it. I also found a thread over on /r/blind where they talked about this practice. It's a couple of years old, but it was the only place I found from within the Blind community -- the only place where their voices are centered. It was a small sample but it was mostly unanimous, they don't want this. They feel it's a distraction.

With one noticeable exception - if your physical appearance is relevant to what you're talking about, then go for it. They used the example of a presentation on wheelchair accessibility, it would be useful to know if the speaker themselves is actually a wheelchair user. Other than that, they recommend avoiding the practice.

Anybody else have any experience/thoughts on this question?

To be up front - I do not think so and I think interpreting it that way is dangerous for our culture, especially in an American context, because it otherizes a lot of really great people.

I am watching General Assembly. Several clergy members / leaders have referred to people watching as "beloveds" as a group term, including President Betancourt. As in "Good morning, beloveds, it is good to be here with you today".

While it's clearly well-intentioned, and I am not offended..... my knee-jerk reaction is that it feels culty. From the same universe as "under his eye". It's ritualistic, odd. It also evokes Toni Morrison's novel, one of the most horrifying stories I have ever read, and I am a huge horror novel fan.

I don't know what faith or cultural tradition this comes from, and I would like to learn more.

My daughter is 4 and has started to ask a lot of theological questions, especially after visits with my very religious Christian in-laws. I’m fine with that exposure, but I would like to help her put Christianity in the context of other religions and beliefs.

I grew up in a UU Church, and really appreciate the liberal religious foundation it gave me, especially through our Sunday School curriculum, but it’s REALLY tough getting up and out to our “local” (30 min drive) UU service with little kids.

I would love any recommendations for UU children’s books or even RE curriculum that we could do at home! Thanks so much 🙏

Hopefully this post will be welcome here. Please be kind, as I'm genuinely searching for what feels right/authentic to me, spiritually.

I grew up in an extremely conservative, devout Catholic home, and have followed Church teaching to the T throughout my life, but only recently have discovered how much trauma I have as a result of this upbringing. Essentially, I had very controlling parents, and was raised within very controlling religious parameters. I was raised -- at least on a subconscious level -- to believe that love is something that is earned by being "good" and following the rules, rather than as something that is freely given. I learned that if I clung to my devout Catholic identity and conservative beliefs, I would be accepted and loved by not only my parents, but by God. Any deviation from this meant rejection by the family unit at best, and eternal damnation at worst.

I'm currently at a point where, after 30 years of sacrificing my own personal beliefs and desires to comply with not only my family's expectations, but Church teaching, I can simply no longer do it. I still go to Mass every week, but I have a million questions about many of the doctrines we're told we MUST believe and follow, otherwise we risk hell.

That doesn't feel like a loving God. That doesn't feel like a merciful God. How are we supposed to believe that God is perfect love if he rejects us for things like using contraception, struggling with sexuality, or any other number of areas that don't perfectly align with Church teaching?

All of that said, I've found myself increasingly drawn to UU in a way I never thought I would be to any other spiritual group. Actually (don't laugh), my interest stems from a close alignment with American Transcendentalism, which no longer exists but seems to continue on in UU. Your 7 principles are beautiful to me -- they feel like the polar opposite of the trauma and spiritual abuse I've endured growing up, and I'm encouraged by your church's openness to everyone, not just those who fit a particular worldview or abide by a specific set of doctrines.

At my core, I think I will always love God (Jesus, in particular) in a way that renders me incapable of fully detaching from the beliefs with which I was raised, but I want to start living in a way that feels more true to who I am and what I want, rather than who I'm told to be and what I'm told to believe.

Be straight with me: do you believe some version of Catholicism and UU can coexist? Or are the two just so incompatible that one must choose one or the other in selecting a spirituality?

I recently started attending my childhood UU fellowship again and I'm looking for education opportunities! I'm getting involved with out youth as a volunteer and I really see myself in it for the long haul.

I'm interested in whatever you all suggest! Paid, free, books, conferences, etc!

In my youth I attended several GAs when they were in person and I loved them.