I grew up in a community where kids were treated based on how well they met society's standards. Those at the bottom were slapped around and often humiliated and those at top received universal validation. This was promoted as a sort of meritocracy, where cruelty was seen as socially useful, for example fat shaming is seen a public health measure. Also, this hierarchy is defended as being natural/ inherent and criticism of it is derided as whining and pointless. I was often told I was being 'too sensitive' with the implication that if I wanted to be treated better I should simply do better. I began to internalize this harshness in the way I treated myself and I thought it was necessary to keep me a responsible functional adult. But this harsh internal shaming is too much. It actually makes it harder to function and it fills me with self-loathing, despair, and anxiety. I don't like being this way. I want to believe in the inherent worth of every person even though our society certainly does not treat every person as valuable. How can I believe in my own inherent worth while living in a society where worth is very conditional. This is especially hard since I am very precariously employed, facing racism from my manager, and dealing with chronic health issues and cannot afford healthcare. I understand religion plays an important role for many people but I am an irreligious agnostic and I don't see that changing. Could anyone suggest some books or any other means to help me believe in the inherent intrinsic worth of all humans?

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