How do you solve a problem like the Bible? How do you come to terms with its mix of exquisite insight and downright nastiness?
Some people focus on Jesus. As in, “Paul was mean, but Jesus, he was all about the love.”
You know what? Jesus said some should-y stuff, too.
Here’s the parable of the sower, from Mark, the oldest and least embroidered of the gospels:
Hearken; Behold, there went out a sower to sow: And it came to pass, as he sowed, some fell by the way side, and the fowls of the air came and devoured it up. And some fell on stony ground, where it had not much earth; and immediately it sprang up, because it had no depth of earth: But when the sun was up, it was scorched; and because it had no root, it withered away. And some fell among thorns, and the thorns grew up, and choked it, and it yielded no fruit. And other fell on good ground, and did yield fruit that sprang up and increased; and brought forth, some thirty, and some sixty, and some an hundred. And he said unto them, He that hath ears to hear, let him hear. (Mark 4:3-9, KJV)
Not too bad, right? Simple agricultural metaphor, no shaming yet (unless you’re listening closely and hear the words “good ground” or the dig about having ears to hear).
But here’s how Jesus unpacks the parable for his disciples:
The sower soweth the word. And these are they by the way side, where the word is sown; but when they have heard, Satan cometh immediately, and taketh away the word that was sown in their hearts. And these are they likewise which are sown on stony ground; who, when they have heard the word, immediately receive it with gladness; And have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when affliction or persecution ariseth for the word’s sake, immediately they are offended. And these are they which are sown among thorns; such as hear the word, And the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful. And these are they which are sown on good ground; such as hear the word, and receive it, and bring forth fruit, some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some an hundred. (Mark 4:14-20, KJV)
Can you imagine how a kid with undiagnosed ADHD, inattentive type, hears these words? I was a daydreamer, easily distracted, who struggled to stay motivated. I heard the word, and Satan must have snatched it away, because it was gone. Clearly, I was not good ground.
It’s a subtle kind of nasty, this parable and the meaning Jesus gives it.
What if we removed all the moralizing, and recognized the fact that different seeds sprout under different conditions?
Sure, grass seed will grow (almost) wherever and however you scatter it. When we built the shop on our property, digging for water and electricity left long lines of bare ground. I bought a big bag of grass seed from Lowe’s that seemed like the right kind for the conditions, scattered it, and walked away.
But other seeds? You read about how to get them to germinate, and it says things like, “Put them in the freezer for a month” or “Scuff them up with a bit of sand paper.”
Some seeds won’t sprout unless a wildfire races over them, burning off their hard outer coat and clearing out competitors.
It’s not that they’re bad seed, or that the ground is bad. They’re just . . . different. They have different needs.
My mind germinates seeds very slowly. I hear things, but they don’t immediately sprout into action. I tuck them into the soil, and wait. Some of them sprout, eventually.
Almost a year ago, my college roommate Dawn came to visit. We talked all afternoon, and one of the things we talked about was yoga and our aging bodies. She does a lot of yoga, while my practice is more, um, aspirational. We both have had problems with the meniscus in our knees.
Describing her recovery from meniscus surgery and return to yoga, she talked about modifying poses and listening to her body for what felt good.
See there? That’s the seed that has been sitting in my body. Waiting for conditions to be right.
After my surgery, my surgeon sent me home with a list of exercises for rehabbing my knee. I had a small baby (Thomas was still breastfeeding), a new home, and ADHD. Can you guess how well that went?
If I had time, I didn’t remember. If I remembered, I didn’t have time, or couldn’t find the list of exercises.
It’s always been the same way with yoga. What was the “right” sequence of poses? I tried yoga videos, cards, CDs—none of it worked.
Until I began to practice self-compassion and shame-resistance.
Only then did the seed Dawn offered begin to sprout.
It began with the simple fact that I wake up in the morning, and my body hurts. Not just my knee. Back, neck, hands, wrists, ankles—it all hurts.
Eventually, I noticed that it helped to stretch and wiggle while I was still in bed. I started describing this, laughing, as my way of doing yoga.
My trauma therapist begins each of our sessions with breath and movement. Everything we do is a suggestion, not a prescription. An offering, a possibility. There are always options, and the invitation to listen for what my body needs.
And there it was. Permission for yoga to be intuitive. The seed coat split and the first pair of leaves unfolded.
It took a year, and that’s OK. It takes as long as it takes. No judgment. No bad soil, good soil. No good seed, bad seed. Just soil and seed, doing their thing, in their own time.
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