in high school i was really worried about getting into a good college and i thought i was about to fail a bunch of assignments at once that'd dash my dreams. really lonely at the time, bullying. and i thought if i'm gonna be poor as an adult at least everyone but the worst of the worst go to heaven but i googled it it led me to a video that pretty convincingly argued it was "sinners in the hands of an angry God" that was spot on. i was sort of wanting to be pagan at the time but didn't know how so i just copied all the christian stuff but with the greek gods. but i wanted to get into college and wasn't so sure the greek gods were even real i just liked someone's drawings of them on deviantart so i guess so i made a full surrender to the christian god and said "okay okay zeus and the gang are no realer than video game gods you're real and i'm not even greek anyway so i give up deviantreligion lord i surrender all just please get me into a good college and make me popular there and i'll be so pious theyll think i'm larping ned flanders". in the moment, didn't really even feel anything. i guess i passed all that stuff and got into a good college. sort of forgot the whole thing once i matriculated and my acceptance couldn't be rescinded anymore went back to living as an atheist and just praying when i thought i was gonna fail an exam like some bum. but, being honest with myself i still want to be pagan. but i already gave my life to the christian god even if i start worshipping pagan gods i already gave my life to the christian one who i don't even want to follow especially not if that YouTuber was accurate. do any cuups know how i can get out of giving my life to the christian god so i can worship pagan gods and get into magick without fear of abrahamic retribution?