So, I became a Unitarian Universalist as an adult, but I'm interested in learning more about OWL. I grew up non-religious and atheist, became UU at 21, and am 30 years old now. Looking into it, the program is aimed at young people, but there are textbooks for adults also, so I'm assuming that there are courses too. I would take a course, but I'm in Japan and attend services with The Church of the Larger Fellowship. As far as I can tell, The CLF doesn't offer OWL courses, which I guess makes sense since it's an online congregation. Unfortunately, there are no in-person congregations in literally the entire country.

I want to know more about what UU's beliefs around sexuality are partially just from curiosity but also see if I can change some of my thinking around it. I thankfully wasn't taught that sex is anything to be ashamed of growing up, but I also did a lot of my own research online, so to speak, and I think that it left me with some unhealthy attitudes towards sex. I'd like to try approaching the subject from a more spiritual standpoint that focuses more on connection than just the physical side of things.

The textbooks are available to buy online from the UU website, but is it worth just getting a textbook and reading it on my own, or is it one of those textbooks that isn't very useful without a teacher? I'm both an English teacher and a Japanese language student, so I know that there are many textbooks that are good for independent study while others are not at all. Also, if anyone knows how to get an ebook instead, or if one even exists, that information would be greatly appreciated.

Tldr: I don't know how to pray because I grew up hearing it was delusional and pointless. Now, I want to, and I'm stuck.

I grew up in a family that was atheist. As far as my mom went, it could've been better described as antitheist. I grew up hearing that religious people were delusional and that religion and the concept of God were stupid, especially Christian, because my mom grew up in a Southern Baptist family. I apologize if this offends anyone reading it. It is genuinely offensive. I need to share it for background info though.

I went along with this for a long time and shared my mom's beliefs, but once I moved out, I had more of an open mind and was able to form my own ideas around religion and spirituality. I honestly was a bit jealous of Christians. Being able to believe that there is an all powerful being out there that loves you and has your back seems really awesome. I tried for a while, but I can't get on board with the Judeo-Christian God.

Over many years, I've reached a place where I do believe in God, but not a God that's defined by any religion. It's definitely not a "he", but a formless energy that encompasses everything. Somewhat sentient, I guess, since I attribute things like karma and other "coincidences" to it, or thank it when I get things that I need, seemingly by chance. I referred to it as "the power of the universe" for a long time, which I still believe. To be clear, everything in this paragraph is just what I believe. Of course I respect that other people have different beliefs.

Now, finally getting to my question. Recently I've been wanting to pray to God. To ask it for help with my struggles, express gratitude, and ask it to help me remember UU values as well as my own as I go about my daily life. The problem is, I have literally no idea how to pray.

I don't know where to look, and I feel uncomfortable closing my eyes any time other than to sleep. (It's a weird phobia type thing of mine.) I also feel stupid saying anything out loud because all I can hear is what I grew up hearing, that I'm delusional and talking to the air. That it won't do anything and I'm wasting my time. And that's likely true in that it's not magic. I can't pray for a bowl of ice cream and have it appear in front of me. But I can be mindful, express the things I want to express, and have some benefit from that.

Can anyone help me with this?