Hello everyone and thanks for reading this. I feel really alone sometimes. I am asking for prayers and good vibes for the healing of my body and soul.A few years ago I was diagnosed with Neuropathy in my legs. It started out not too bad, but just like the doctor said it progressed and progressed hard. My legs are constantly tingling and they burn so bad I cannot stand it. I now can no longer stand for more than 15 minutes. I am on medication and going to the doctor regularly and since I can't work I am considered poverty and qualified for Medicaid so I am thankful for that, but still it doesn't help the pain much, the doctors or the meds.

This has also left me in a dark depression since I have been off work. I was a construction worker, but I had to quit about 12 months ago. I applied for disablilty immediately. I got denied and called an attorney, and they are going to take the case I think. I filed for an appeal, but it could still take months and I have applied for food stamps but still nothing on that yet either. It's getting hard. I am probably going to be evicted, no food, no money, no truck (kicked the bucket and sold for parts months ago) and just at the end of my rope. Mentally and physically.

I never really had any family, just foster care, so I am used to being alone, it's bad to be hurting and be alone though. It makes you crave human interaction, which I have had none of. I was always ostercized by my foster parents and made to feel like I was not worthy all of my life and was kicked out at 18. But, again, I know there are people out there with it worse than me.

Cherry on top of the cake, I am also just starting to transition into the woman I have became. I hate that I waited this late in life to do it, but I did. I do feel some peace from finally accepting who I am, but as most people already know, transitioning is hard. It's even harder when I am in constant pain and do not even have food. Also, my former foster parents hate my decision to do this, so they will not have anything to do with me. But, I am proud that I am transitioing. Before my first mom got on drugs and we got threw into foster care, she would buy me dolls and I think she always knew I was a little different. I remember one time at a yard sale, I was ashamed to buy a Barbie doll and my mom asked, "would you like me to tell them it's for your sister?" I will never forget that and I would do anything to see her again but shes long gone. I heard she overdosed when I was 15. But I still miss her.

I know one day I will get better. I hope, at least, but my legs hurt constantly and I would do anything to go back 10 years. I am in my early 40's and I would take living to 50 only gladly if I could just get a few years pain free. Life is life though and I know that's not possible. Friends, I do know my God is a healer though, and even though I have never felt further from him in my life I know he can steal heal my body and soul, and I have asked, maybe I haven't humbled myself enough idk, maybe someone needs healing worse than me? I am almost certain they do and i know I am not his only child who needs healing, but this hurts. I know that he will leave the 99 to rescue me, but hurry my shepard, this lamb is lost thirsty and hungry. I look forward to heaven, and crave it like like home, even though I have never been there.

I am not going to give up though. I am going to keep clawing and fighting through this and praying the whole time. Like I said before though, it gets really hard especially when I am flat broke. I have no food or anything and never in a million years did I think I would have to ask, but if anyone could help me with anything I would be forever grateful and pay it back when I get on my feet. I have cashapp if you want to help. I also have paypal if you want to DM me and I will give you my name on there. My name on cashapp is $Lunarsolsticewind If you cant help, thanks for reading this anyways and still pray for me please, anything will help though, I just have no money and no food to my name. I have tried churces and food banks to no avail, as they are all empty. I understand everyone is having it hard right now so I understand if anyone can't give, I just figured I would try this because it's my last resort becasue I have no speakable family and my credit is awful where I have lost everything. I know this looks suspicious and is a new account, but I have never interacted on reddit just always lurked. Like, I said, I am beyone embarrased to ask, so please do not try to belittle me more, because I honestly do not know how much more I can take.

I feel like Job.