I've been deep diving in this subreddit and have found a lot of discussion around the money/tithe/pledge issue. It seems there are a lot of people who ultimately felt unwelcomed, or were outright told they were unwelcome, based on income. There are also a lot of folks saying that it doesn't matter, at least at their local churches.

I am stuck. Ten years ago I attended my local UU Church until it came time for pledging. I was a broke college student and struggled with transportation to the church. I distinctly recall talking to another member about how I couldn't afford even the lowest check box to pledge, and they told me to go without Starbucks once a week... I didn't eat out or drink at all at that point in my life. I didn't even respond because that response was enough for me to feel like these weren't my people, despite otherwise feeling very welcomed and like I belonged.

I am finding myself again in a place with a deep need for community. My family and I went to a service today and during the "offering", the stand in minister said that the offering was just as important as any other involvement in the church, if not more. It was heavy on the guilt. Only after the plate was back up was it stated that if we were joining for the first time, to skip the plate. Somehow, I forgot about this aspect of the church entirely. I was so stressed out the whole time about money. A family member had a donut and a cup of coffee and all I could think about was that we were being judged for what we left in the offering plate vs what we took. Probably paranoia, but I was really overwhelmed at the thought.

The church's website says that we should be giving 5-10% of our income. We are deeply in debt, have several thousand in medical bills alone every month, and are desperately trying to catch up. I'm not hurting like I was as a college student, but I'm still hurting in a way that 5-10% of our income would leave us beyond fucked, if I'm being completely honest.

I don't know exactly what I'm looking for with this post. I'm so lonely but I can't afford to pay for companionship at the level they want. And the church didn't feel like it once did. It was so empty, hardly anyone stayed to chat after service, and the service was awkward and boring. This month is apparently pledge month too, so we picked the worst time to start coming (again?).