My fiancée and I are getting married in September next year. Neither of us are baptised, nor Church-goers but we would like to share our relationship with a higher power so have chosen to be married in a Church. My family is Anglican, so we have booked a date with our local Anglican Church.

When it comes to my own spirituality, I strongly align with the beliefs of Unitarian Universalists. I believe in a higher power, appreciate the principles of Christianity, Humanism and when travelling, have always revered the sacred spaces of all religions - from Shinto to Buddhist to Muslim, with the highest regard. I believe that wherever I pray, or connect, that higher power will hear me.

Our priest is liberal and doesn't expect us to be baptised. However, he has offered baptism is we are interested. In terms of connecting with God, something is calling me to be baptised. I feel as though it will be a symbolic gesture of my spirituality that I've never undertaken in my life before, as it has been an entirely personal journey.

Despite this, however, my beliefs are so liberal, I feel I would completely lack integrity by being baptised. My fiancée and I, for instance, have a live-in relationship and this will not change. I also believe that humans are human and much of the strict 'rules' purported by Christianity doesn't reflect the multitude of experiences, mistakes, learnings, growth etc. that encompass being human.

And yet still, I feel an urge to have that connect with god solidified in baptism - even though I will not live my life according to the rules of a strict Christian Church. I feel in such a crisis and the experience has left me with so much shame, even though usually, I feel comfortable with my choices and life. I don't feel like I can be baptised unless I follow the rules exactly as it really lacks integrity.

Ironically, I have no issue with being married in the Anglican Church. I respect that space and see it it as a space of reverence that is a pathway to that higher power, due to the faith of the people who worship there.

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I'm not sure what to do, or even perhaps what I am asking because I'm having trouble even explaining my own complicated feelings around this dilemma. Any advice from your perspective is so welcome.