Hi everyone! My partner and I are thinking of checking out a UU church for the first time. We like the idea of being part of a spiritual community that puts more of an emphasis on shared values and social responsibility than your personal beliefs. We're in Central Mass so there are a lot of congregations to choose from. We're just a bit nervous about the social expectations. We want to dip our feet and explore at our own pace, but we're worried that as newbies, we’ll be love-bombed by well-meaning folks who are trying to make us feel welcome. We're queer/GNC and I have physical disabilities, so we tend to stand out in a crowd. It's not a bad thing, but we're kind of concerned that because you all are so inclusive, we might end up being the ones you want to make *extra* welcome. 😄

We’re autistic, so it takes us a bit longer to adjust to new situations. We'll have to get used to the physical environment, learn the liturgy, and figure out the norms of this new subculture. With all that going on, the prospect of being approached and chatted up by random strangers is a bit overwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, you all seem genuinely friendlier and more inclusive than any other religious group I’ve encountered, which is awesome, but also a bit intimidating. We watched a livestream where the Passing of the Peace took five whole minutes, and this one old lady went from pew to pew hugging as many people as she could. I've never seen anything like it! It was equal parts adorable and terrifying. 😂

I think it would really help if we could get some insight into the unwritten social rules of UU communities so we can be prepared. How do people typically interact with each other before, during, and after services? Ideally, we'd like to just hang back and observe during our first few visits. Is there a way we can politely defer socializing until we feel more comfortable without coming across as rude? We're not big on physical contact, so would it be possible to opt out of hugs during the Passing of the Peace? My partner has trouble sitting still, so would it be acceptable if they brought a sketchbook to keep their hands busy? We definitely don't want to be disrespectful, but it might help them stay focused. In terms of social demands, which would be less overwhelming, a small suburban church or a mid-size urban one (generally speaking, I know every congregation is different)?

Thanks in advance for any advice!