Hello! I joined the UU church recently, although I had always been vaguely aware of it, in a way, I was a UU without knowing it!

I recently had a mental health crisis after using psilocybin, and ended up having an incredibly intense, scary, ego-death trip without my consent (I took a very small dose, but my doctors think that because of several chronic conditions, my body doesn't metabolize substances the same way as the average person). I had to do out-patient treatment for a month, but the nature of my crisis is not entirely psychological, so it helped, but only a little. Essentially I entered a crisis where I don't see anyting as real, and the concept of time triggers severe, all-encompassing panic. It's hard to describe, but I am chronically disoriented, things seem upside down and inside out and my own mental processes are very disorganized. Imagine trying to send a work email with a hangover, after stepping off a roller coaster. And the keyboard is set to another language, and the screen is not facing you.

Somehow, among this, I decided to join a UU church. I say I go every Sunday, but truthfully, my grasp of time and space is so scattered that it's not even easy to type this. And it's extra scary because I'm a boring, uptight professional who never dabbled in substances. What is happening to me is my dirty little secret.

In UU I find a little wedge of partial peace. I find myself not being able to feel fully present during service, but some things stick. I notice for even mere seconds at a time that I quiet the unrest and ask myself "How can I be of service?" " How can I uphold my promise to this person/animal/community" "What new promise can I make internally to be a better wife/daughter/sister?". And although I haven't chatted other members yet, even as I type this, I feel the love of this community is real. I know people are rooting for me, the way I am rooting for them, even without reading these words.

So thank you all for being a part of this, whatever it is. Thank you for your service, for your commitments, for your just being you.

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