Hi! I went to my first UU service today and then came home and found this subreddit. This got long because I did the ADHD oversharing thing so there is a TL;DR at the end 🙃
First off, I have been wanting to check it out for years now - in 2019 I completely left the faith of my youth after years of deconstruction and was really feeling the hole in my life from the loss of community. And then COVID happened. And then I went back to school to get my MSW and started a new career… and here I am 5 years later. After a particularly bad day this past week, my feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness were overwhelming in a way that actually scared me a bit. I believe in the idea that quite often “action is the antidote to despair” and I knew that the action I needed to take was to find a community of people that I know have each other’s backs and have similar values. People that make me feel safe when I am feeling anything but. So, I made the decision that I was finally going to check out the UUC in my town - I gave my family the option on whether or not they wanted to go with me and I was very pleasantly surprised that they were excited to go!
I’m really glad that we went this week because they were doing their annual water communion ritual and the message was on hopelessness. I cried. It was everything I needed to hear, and I’ve spent the last several hours letting it all sink in. I cried because I felt seen and supported even though no one there knew me… I knew they understood why I was there. I felt accepted and people were just genuinely glad that we were there. I asked my 10-year-old son what he thought of his experience there and he said “I like this place a lot! I feel really welcome here. I don’t feel like I don’t belong like I did when I went to other churches.” That made me really happy.
So, what brought me to Reddit? I don’t know why I hadn’t even thought about looking for a UU subreddit before, but I am glad that I went before I scrolled through here. I see other people have come here before with similar questions and thoughts lol. The two things that surprised me were, 1) There are not a lot of young people, and 2) we sang from a hymnal. What brought me to Reddit was that I am wondering how the heck people learn the songs and know them. I know each UU congregation is different and from what I understand, services are even drastically different from one week to another, but there were two hymnals full of music and I kind of felt overwhelmed at the idea of having to learn a whole bunch of new songs again.
Additionally, singing from a hymnal felt weird juxtaposed to a water ritual… and I think that it was weird for me because the water communion was so new and more aligned with my current version of spirituality and the hymns were an echo of my past. I have worked through a lot of my religious trauma so it wasn’t necessarily triggering, but it definitely left me wishing the music part of the UU service was different.
I think I might be open to learning some of these hymns because the lyrics seem like something I can get behind, but I feel like it takes me out of the purpose when I’m feeling confused and trying to follow along and process what I’m reading. I am a musician and so this part of worship is actually very important to me and I guess I had just pictured something different. I am not looking for manipulative, emotionally charged, repetitive worship songs I would’ve sang a decade ago, but I do like a little passion in my worship music and it would be nice to just know some of the songs because maybe I would be into them. I was laughing to my husband after we left, joking that I didn’t exactly think we were going to be singing “Prison Song” System of a Down style social justice lyrics (although I could totally get behind that lol), but I also didn’t expect it to be so traditional. So where does one become more acquainted with UU music/songs played during services?
I’m sure that there is some connection between the “traditionalness” of the service and the lack of young people there. I’m definitely going back next week to continue checking things out and will continue to do so… and maybe there are younger people involved in other associated groups. I’m a millennial in my late 30s and I know that my generation really, really needs to regain a sense of community that we have lost. And of course, we are not the only ones but the Boomers and Gen-Xers we were in a significantly different place in their lives at the same age as I am now. When it comes to religion, many in my gen have left the Christian church but we lived through peak purity culture, Teen Mania and Aquire the Fire, Joshua Generation, and Jesus Camp style childhoods, and our parents and families are still deeply entrenched and often in the MAGA cult - we’ve lost a lot of our previous community and we have this hole left within us that fuels a sense of disconnection. We are feeling isolated. And also, many of us are radicalized lol. I will just leave it at that.
We need more non-religion driven community organizing to restore connection so that we can help one another carry our individual and collective burdens instead of drowning alone. I would love for the UU congregation to be one of the solutions for that… but, I get the sense that it’s probably going to have to change to be more aligned with the needs of us “younger” folks. We don’t need worship to be the antithesis of the charismatic evangelical worship service and we don’t want it to match that energy either… but it kinda feels like I’m going to grandma‘s liberal Lutheran Church and if that’s what I wanted, I would go to one of those. Maybe I wanna do the yearly water ritual in a drum circle lol. Maybe I do wanna get my radicalized angst out through some loud music and dancing, reclaim what they tried to steal from us by manipulating our emotions.
Anyways, this has gotten long so TL;DR - I went to my first UUC service and really enjoyed the warmth and openness of the people there and my family felt very welcome. I enjoyed the message a lot as well as the symbolism in the various rituals. They are very involved in the community and I could absolutely see myself getting involved in some of the things they do. I am excited for my son to get involved as well. For me, the main drawbacks were the lack of “younger” people, my lack of knowledge about the music and the music style feeling more old school than anticipated - where does one become more acquainted with UU music/songs played during services or elsewhere?
Thank you all!