What could be more unexpected than the notion God would be manifest on earth, not in great power and might, but rather as a helpless baby?

When have you found salvation or healing from an unexpected source?

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I’m sure that Santa appreciates all the cookies that are left out for him on Christmas Eve, but I can’t help thinking that he gets an awful lot of cookies, and might occasionally hope for something different.

What unexpected thing would you leave to delight Santa?

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“Art must take reality by surprise. ”
― Francoise Sagan

How has a work of art given you a new perspective on reality?

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One of the customs of Chanukah is to play dreidel—a game of chance in which you spin a top, and take from or contribute to the pot depending on how the top lands. Sometimes you get a miracle, and the light keeps burning. Sometimes the dreidel falls to “shin” and you give back what you have gained.

How do you celebrate in uncertain times?

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For those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, this is the moment when the days cease their long slide toward darkness and move back again toward light. Also, it’s going to get colder, not warmer, for some time to come.

In times of cold, what helps you to focus on the light?

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The point of gift wrapping is to allow something to be expected and unexpected at the same time—we know something is a present, while preserving the mystery of the actual contents. Part of the gift is maintaining the pleasure of anticipating the surprise.

What are you looking forward to having revealed?

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“It is only those who are lightly esteemed that can make unexpected impact. They are the ones we have been waiting for.”
― Paul Bamikole

Who have you underestimated?

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If three different people are looking in one box, how many different things do they see? For these co-workers, perhaps a new printer is an exciting efficiency, a huge pain to set up or of no interest whatsoever, depending on who is looking.

When have you been surprised by how someone’s reaction differed from yours?

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“It is strange how new and unexpected conditions bring out unguessed ability to meet them.”
― Edgar Rice Burroughs

When have you impressed yourself by rising to an unexpected occasion?

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The predictable part of how long it takes to drive somewhere is distance. But in many parts of the world the amount of traffic at any given moment is a far bigger factor in travel time. Once again, life becomes hard to predict because there are just so many people in it.

What helps you maintain your sense of connection to humanity when you are stuck in traffic?

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“Just because plans don’t go as other people expect doesn’t mean you have failed.”
― Athan Fletcher

When have you been happy with a result that other people thought was a failure?

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One of the unexpected’s most delightful forms is the plot twist, the moment in a story that you never saw coming, but which seems inevitable in hindsight.

What is your favorite literary plot twist?

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“What is essential is to suddenly make a move totally unexpected by the opponent, pick up on the advantage of fright, and seize the victory right then and there.”
― Miyamoto Musashi

When have you used the element of surprise to your advantage in a competitive or contentious situation?

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Like an airplane with its contrail, as we move through life we leave behind us a trail of actions and interactions, all the effects we have had on others. That trail is far more visible than the speck of our life at any given moment.

What do you hope will remain visible of the trail created by your life to this point?

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“A person never knows what is next–I don’t anyway. The surface of everything is thinner than we know. A person can fall right through, without any warning at all.”
― Leif Enger

What have you fallen through that landed you in an unexpected place?

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During the short, grey days of winter, any bit of color can come as an unexpected delight. Is it any wonder that evergreens, which keep their color all year long, are celebrated in this season?

What color has recently brought you unexpected joy?

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In our overscheduled world, it seems to have gotten rare for friends to just drop by. But every now and again someone you weren’t expecting shows up out of the blue.

How have you welcomed someone (human or otherwise) who you weren’t expecting?

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We play with young children by “hiding” behind covered eyes and then “magically” appearing again. As with roller coasters and movies, the unexpected is the most fun when you know you are safe, and no one really goes missing or gets hurt.

What is your favorite fun way to encounter the unexpected?

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“I . . . cannot fall asleep because there is a foreign feeling in my veins, it is the feeling of finally getting what I wanted, and the feeling is colder than I ever thought it would be.”
― Samantha Hunt

When have you been surprised by your emotional reaction to an event?

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Catastrophic events will happen—there’s no getting around it. But those best able to handle drastic circumstances are those who have deliberately and carefully trained for them, learning in controlled environments what to do when circumstances get out of control.

What have you deliberately learned in order to be more prepared when the unexpected strikes?

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“Many are the strange chances of the world,’ said Mithrandir, ‘and help oft shall come from the hands of the weak when the Wise falter.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien

When have you gotten help from an unexpected source?

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Ice cream is supposed to stay neatly on top of its cone, and no one gets a cone expecting the ice cream to plummet down. And yet, all too often it does. Ice cream cones, it turns out, are an expression of faith.

What do you believe in, even if it has disappointed you before?

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“There is only one kind of shock worse than the totally unexpected: the expected for which one has refused to prepare.”
― Mary Renault

What have you done to prepare for natural disasters?

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Any time you take a leap, literal or metaphorical, there is a moment mid-air when you don’t know what will happen when you land. In that moment, anything is possible. It takes considerable courage to leave the ground.

What leap have you taken lately?

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Advent is the polar opposite of our month’s theme of The Unexpected—it is about eager anticipation and preparation for what is to come. Advent time spent reflecting on the themes of hope, love, joy and peace not only prepare for Christmas, they also create the experience of the holiday.

What are you preparing for?

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It is a wonderful thing to get support and affirmation and praise from friends or family or folks at work. But it doesn’t always happen. You are entitled to support yourself, to praise yourself, to give yourself the advice and consolation and forgiveness you would give a dearly beloved friend.

What piece of advice would you give yourself?

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“When you start with thanksgiving, you will always end with praise. Be thankful, it grows.”
― TemitOpe Ibrahim

How has gratitude led you to praise?

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Some of us are uncomfortable receiving any kind of praise or compliment, and do our best to deflect admiring words, even if we like to hear them. Receiving praise is a skill as much as giving it.

How do you respond when you receive praise or a compliment?

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“Your depression is connected to your insolence
and refusal to praise. Whoever feels himself walking
on the path, and refuses to praise–that man or woman
steals from others every day–is a shoplifter!”
― Rumi

What would you say that those who refuse to praise are stealing?

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Athletes who race depend on the competition of those around them to do their best. Being around those who challenge us pushes us to become stronger.

Who challenges you?

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“It’s a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation.” -Roberto Benigni

In what ways are you effusive in your gratitude?

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Yes, social media has its limitations, and some real costs. But there’s something to be said for the tiny hit of affirmation that comes from seeing a person has hit “like” on something you wrote. If only in a small way, it means that we are seen, that some spark of connection has been made.

How, if at all, do you turn to social media for affirmation?

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“Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.”
― W. T. Purkiser

How do you use a blessing in your life?

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Wendell Berry writes: “Be joyful, though you have considered all the facts.” Most of the time the facts are not looking too good, which makes it all the more important to find pockets of joy. Starting with gratitude can help.

What brings you joy, even when other things are going wrong?

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“Sweet words are like honey, a little may refresh, but too much gluts the stomach.”
― Anne Bradstreet

What qualities of praise make it helpful and welcome, rather than overly sweet?

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Life will conspire to make you feel small. If not by grating daily acts of diminishment, then simply by the fact that world in all its glory and horror is so very vast. So you might as well stretch out.

What makes you feel small? What makes you feel large?

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“I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual. It is surprising how contented one can be with nothing definite ― only a sense of existence…. My breath is sweet to me. O how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches. No run on my bank can drain it, for my wealth is not possession but enjoyment.”
― Henry David Thoreau

What do you count amongst your “vague indefinite riches”?

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Working in a group can be an intensely gratifying experience. Sharing ideas, learning and growing from the exchange of different perspectives, giving and getting support—all combine to create an energizing and even inspiring work experience. Except when it really, really doesn’t.

What is something you have learned from working in a group?

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“Nobody gets praised for the right reasons.”
― Diana Wynne Jones

When have you been made uncomfortable by praise that you felt was for the wrong reasons?

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Pride is a very different thing from conceit. Pride can be the honest joy taken in one’s own accomplishments. There is nothing in the world wrong with praising yourself for a difficult job well done. There’s nothing wrong with accepting praise from others while you’re at it.

What would you like to publicly give yourself credit for?

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“But the conceited man did not hear him. Conceited people never hear anything but praise.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

What helps you to maintain the humility necessary to accept criticism or the need to change?

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Gratitude and generosity are inextricably linked. We are grateful for what we are given. Feeling gratitude makes us want to share from the abundance that we feel. And the circle continues in the best possible way.

When has gratitude inspired your giving?

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“When virtues are pointed out first, flaws seem less insurmountable.”
― Judith Martin

What strategies do you use for offering criticism or praise?

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Receiving a gift can certainly make you feel appreciated and cared for. Then again, so can the gift of a warm smile, a hug, or words of support or appreciation.

What is your favorite way to receive appreciation from others? What is your favorite way to express your appreciation?

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“Let us remember that, as much has been given us, much will be expected from us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as from the lips, and shows itself in deeds.” – Theodore Roosevelt

What do you do in gratitude for what you have been given, or in gratitude for what others have done?

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Giving thanks is a spiritual discipline that depends on continued practice—being grateful not just for the great successes or near escapes, but also for all the day to day small gifts of life.

What is your spiritual discipline of gratitude?

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“’Thank you’ is the best prayer that anyone could say. I say that one a lot. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding.”

― Alice Walker

How do you offer prayers of thanks?

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We are taught as parents to praise our children’s efforts, rather than any particular quality or gift. But sometimes we all need the complete, blanket affirmation that a beloved pet gets when we murmur how good they are, and how loved.

Where do you find unconditional affirmation? Where do you offer it?

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“Blessed is [the one] who has learned to admire but not envy, to follow but not imitate, to praise but not flatter, and to lead but not manipulate.”
― William Arthur Ward

What qualities do you look for in a leader?

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We teach children to achieve long-term goals by noting and praising the small steps along the way, placing stars on a chart to show progress. It turns out that adults learn much the same way.

How to you recognize and celebrate small steps to long-term goals?

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“We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives.”

— John F. Kennedy

Who will you thank today?

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A toast is a public form of praise, a ritual of well-wishing and appreciation. Perhaps it is unfortunate that we tend to save toasts for formal occasions such as wedding receptions.

Who would you like to toast?

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“The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”
― Norman Vincent Peale

When has thoughtful criticism saved you?

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Babies, even when they are difficult, are perfect. You wouldn’t tell a baby that they are lazy or mean or inadequate. The only job of a baby is to be exactly who they are.

How would it change your interactions if you thought of everyone as holding a baby’s form of perfection?

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“We would worry less if we praised more. Thanksgiving is the enemy of discontent and dissatisfaction.”
― Harry A. Ironside

What helps you when you are worried?

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Halloween has moved a long way past its history of appeasing spirits—or even appeasing children who threaten tricks if they don’t get treats. But at least in some places it remains as a unique example of a time when people are eager to share with every random stranger who comes to their door, giving away sweets simply for the pleasure of giving them away.

What do you enjoy giving away?

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Shame teaches us not just that we have made a mistake, but that we are a mistake. Shame lies.

What has helped you to move past shame?

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“Revolutions seldom justify their enormous cost in human life.”
― Marty Rubin

What would you be willing to give up for the sake of a revolutionary change? What would you be unwilling to give up?

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In the days when the Jewish Temple was still standing, one of the important religious practices was that of sacrifice, including the proverbial sacrificial lambs. One might note that the lambs were not the ones who chose to make the sacrifice.

When has someone else chosen to make some aspect of your life a sacrifice?

The Daily Compass offers words and images to inspire spiritual reflection and encourage the creation of a more loving, inclusive and just world. Produced by The Church of the Larger Fellowship, the Unitarian Universalist Congregation with no geographical boundary. Please support the publishing of The Daily Compass by making a $10 or $25 contribution (more if you can, less if you can't)! Thank you for your support!

“I refuse to achieve ‘success’ at the expense of my life.”
― Richie Norton

When have you prioritized joy or fulfillment over financial success?

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While society recognizes the sacrifice of those who serve in the military, the sacrifices made by their family members often go unnoticed. Enduring hardship for a cause you believe in is one kind of sacrifice. Enduring hardship for a person you believe in is another.

Who have you sacrificed to support?

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“When a citizen gives his suffrage to a man of known immorality he abuses his trust; he sacrifices not only his own interest, but that of his neighbor; he betrays the interest of his country.”
― Noah Webster

Feel free to rant or vent here about immoral people in government.

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When we confess—when we admit our mistakes or failings or misdeeds—we give up the pretense of perfection along with our plausible deniability. Confession opens us to the risk of punishment, but also to the possibility of authentic relationship.

What have you gained—or lost—by confessing to something you did wrong?

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“I would not sacrifice a single living mesquite tree for any book ever written. One square mile of living desert is worth a hundred ‘great books’―and one brave deed is worth a thousand.”
― Edward Abbey

What moves you away from the world of words, and into the world of nature?

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Burning candles and incense is a time-honored and broadly-used way of moving thoughts and prayers from the worldly realm to the realm of the divine. As smoke and flame dissipate into the air, so our wishes and longings move from our hearts to somewhere not quite definable.

How do you express wishes or prayers?

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 “Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable…. Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Who is a role model for you in their tireless exertions for justice?

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Christianity asserts that human souls are bought back from sin—redeemed—by Jesus’s sacrifice of his life on the cross, which is also God’s sacrifice of His only begotten Son. Suffering and loss, therefore, becomes a kind of coin to purchase virtue.

What, if anything, have you gained from the suffering of others?

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“Humility must always be the portion of any man who receives acclaim earned in blood of his followers and sacrifices of his friends.”
― Dwight D. Eisenhower

How might we promote humility in our national leaders?

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A labyrinth is designed to lead you on a long and winding route to the center. It would be far more sensible and efficient to just hop the lines and get to the center by the most direct line. Which would, of course, sacrifice the entire point of a labyrinth.

When has taking a long and indirect route proved to be the best way to get where you wanted to go?

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“Sometimes I knew in all my mind and heart why I had done what I had done, and I welcomed the sacrifice. But there were times too when I lived in a desert and felt no joy and saw no hope and could not remember my old feelings. Then I lived by faith alone, faith without hope.
What good did I get from it? I got to have love in my heart.”
― Wendell Berry

How has love sustained you through a time of hopelessness?

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We humans have such a hard time being generous, particularly compared with nature, which seems to want to just fill every nook and cranny up with beauty, whether we deserve it or not.

What bit of beauty or kindness can you give away today?

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“Everywhere I’ve turned somebody has wanted to sacrifice me for my own good—only they were the ones who benefited. And now we start on the old sacrificial merry-go-round. At what point do we stop?”
― Ralph Ellison

When have you realized that the sacrifice asked of you was not worth it?

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Every risk is a sacrifice of the known for the unknown, a sacrifice of safety for the sake of possibility. It is dangerous and often foolhardy and utterly essential.

What leap have you taken lately?

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“My father told me once that the most important thing every [person] should know is what [they] would die for.”
― Tana French

What would you be willing to die for?

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Many of the world’s religious traditions involve giving offerings to gods or ancestors, sharing physical goods with beings who have no physical form. If gods and ancestors cannot partake of what is physically given, perhaps they are sustained by the act of sharing in and of itself.

When have you been moved by someone’s choice to be generous with you, whether or not you needed what they were offering?

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There is a law of the seas that the captain must be ready to go down with the ship, to sacrifice their own safety and even their own life for the sake of the ship and its crew. It’s a noble sentiment, but sometimes our sense of duty leads us to stick with failing a relationship or endeavor far past what good sense would dictate.

What ship has taken you down?

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Some people embrace spiritual traditions that involve giving up practically everything in the way of worldly goods, living in the most austere manner on what others are willing to give. They understand sacrificing physical comforts as a route to spiritual abundance.

When has doing without proved to be a spiritual gift?

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“The ultimate test of man’s conscience may be his willingness to sacrifice something today for future generations whose words of thanks will not be heard.”
― Gaylord Nelson

What do you sacrifice for the sake of future generations?

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It is Jewish practice to fast on Yom Kippur, to not eat on this High Holy Day. Many see the physical discipline of fasting as a part of the internal discipline of teschuva, of turning toward a more ethical and compassionate life.

What physical practice informs your moral or spiritual life?

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“Self-sacrifice enables us to sacrifice other people without blushing.”
― George Bernard Shaw

When have you asked too much of someone else because you asked too much of yourself?

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“Peace demands the most heroic labor and the most difficult sacrifice. It demands greater heroism than war. It demands greater fidelity to the truth and a much more perfect purity of conscience.”
― Thomas Merton

What have you sacrificed to create peace?

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“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation — either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

How have you creatively transformed a time of suffering?

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Time is a precious, irreplaceable commodity that we cannot help but spend. Sometimes we sacrifice how we want to spend our time for how we should spend it. Sometimes we unthinkingly let our time spill out without really choosing where to spend it.

What feels like the most valuable use of your time?

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“Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you’re not really losing it. You’re just passing it on to someone else.”
― Mitch Albom

What is a precious thing you have passed on to someone else?

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Age and experience take their toll, and both people and things break down in ways large and small. People and things can often be restored—hips replaced, varnish renewed—but never to their original state.

What do you miss being the way it used to be? What do you celebrate for being restored or repaired?

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“What we obtain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly; it’s dearness only that gives everything its value.”
― Thomas Payne

What do you value because you worked so hard for it?

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Whether at work or at play, if more than one person is involved it’s only going to be satisfying if you all pull together. It’s a grand thing when everyone has a vision. But if you’re all looking different directions, the canoe is not going to get very far.

Where do you find satisfaction in aligning your vision with someone else’s?

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“A [person] is not idle because [they are] absorbed in thought. There is visible labor and there is invisible labor.”
― Victor Hugo

Where do you do your best thinking?

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OK, I admit that I’m not sure what the point is of climbing a hill with your friends so that you can jump in the air and get silly just before you have to walk back down in the dark. On the other hand, most of the things that bring us joy don’t have any real point other than the fun itself.

What pointless thing brings you joy?

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You got this. Whatever it is. You have what it takes to handle it like a boss. Whatever that looks like.

What part of your life could use some encouragement and support?

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“When he worked, he really worked. But when he played, he really PLAYED.”
― Dr. Seuss

What do you play hard at?

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“Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.”
― William James

What actively brings you happiness?

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“[People] do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing.”
― Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

What activity keeps you young?

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“We often miss opportunity because it’s dressed in overalls and looks like work”
― Thomas A. Edison

What opportunity have you turned down because it seemed like too much effort?

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The joy of bubbles is in their impermanence—the way they disappear when we catch them, or escape and explode out of reach. The fun of a bubble is the fact that you can never keep it.

What do you love because—not in spite—of its impermanence or fragility?

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“The human race is a monotonous affair. Most people spend the greatest part of their time working in order to live, and what little freedom remains so fills them with fear that they seek out any and every means to be rid of it.”
― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

How have you chosen to avoid freedom?

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A manicure is a trivial thing—the world was never saved by pretty painted nails. But a moment of connection between an adult and a child, shared laughter, a point of connection between people who were strangers—those things save the world every day.

What trivial thing has made a big difference in your life?

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“You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.”
― Richard Lingard

What have you discovered about a person through playing together?

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Rugby is a notoriously intense game, with lots of crashing into other players. People who play the game expect to get hurt. And they do it for fun. Sometimes play is relaxing. Other times play is about maximum intensity and commitment, and the adrenaline rush that goes with that.

What do you want to get out of your leisure activities?

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