Yesterday, the Religious Institute staff co-led a faith rally before the Supreme Court hearings on contraceptive coverage in the Affordable Care Act.  I've written about that elsewhere but I wanted to share my comments from the worship service.  I'm delighted to tell you that as of yesterday nearly 10,000 people had signed our petition with the National Coalition of American Nuns. (If you haven't done so, please go to http://bit.ly.com/nuns4bc right away!)

Here are my opening words and prayer before the Supreme Court yesterday:

I can't sleep tonight because my heart is crying for the LGBT people in Uganda...and the other countries in Africa where homosexuality is illegal.

But tonight mostly for the people in Uganda, and their families, and the people and organizations who support them -- where the law says they are all criminals and can be put in jail or worse.

I am a white straight woman in the U.S. and I want the world to know that I care.

I care because the world watched when my family was rounded up and marched to the camps because people thought they were less than, inferior, not worthy of human rights.

I care because I am the mother of a gay man who I love with all my heart.

I care because I love so many lesbians, gay men, bisexual, transgender and queer people who enliven my life and heart.

I care because as a sexologist I know that sexual orientation is a core part of our humanity, and that who we fall in love with is not wrong.

I care because I know that the distance from the state of Arizona which is about to say that private store owners can choose not to serve gay people is not as far as we'd like to think from the legislators in Uganda...and the hate in the street in Nigeria also happens in Peoria and New York City.

I care because as a minister I know that God loves all of God's children and all of us have dignity and worth -- and that sexual diversity is a blessing from God. 

And I hurt because my little organization doesn't have the resources to do much about this...except to pray and to raise our voice.

But the White House does...and the State Department does, and they need to do more than condemn.  They need to embargo and halt funding and do whatever it is they do when a government starts to destroy its people based on who they are.  And the U.N. surely can stand up to this heinous legislation, and say, NO! Not on our watch.  And the big gay rights organizations and civil rights organizations, organize us.  Figure out where we need to march and where we need to stand and ask us to take action.

I can pray and I can write and I can tweet and Facebook.  But others of you have the resources to do more, and I implore you to stand up NOW.

Because we can't stand by and watch.  We are all gay Ugandans now.

We are living history. 

And this clergy woman ally cried when the Windsor and Perry decisions were announced.  This mom of a gay son cried.  This friend of more same gender loving people than I can count cried.  This 35 year advocate for sexual justice wept with joy. 

The Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional.  Same sex couples in California can get married.  Legalized same sex marriages will be recognized by the federal government.

Same sex couples in 38 states still don't have the right to marriage.  We're not done with fighting for equality -- but for now, we celebrate.  And I have no doubt the next cases will expand these rights for all. 

Here's the statement the Religious Institute just released:

Yesterday, Pentecost was celebrated by Christians worldwide as the birthday of the Christian Church, and so I wanted to share with you this Pentecost reflection from my book Meditations on the Good News: Reading the Bible For Today.

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Later on that Pentecost day, “awe came upon everyone,” and all had the “goodwill of all the people” (Acts 2:47). No one is left out. All the people, no matter how different, receive the grace of being alive, of sharing the possibilities of being filled with reverence and the joy of living.

As I write this, the birds outside my window are singing different songs, some in their own robin language, some in their own wren language, some their own sparrow language. At first, I only hear it as birds singing, a single blended note. But when I slow down and really listen, the different songs emerge. I hear the robin, the sparrow and the wren individually. They are singing to their mates, but for right now, it feels like they are singing to me.

I look outside my window, and at first my mind only registers that there are tall green trees. But, as I slow myself down, I differentiate the evergreen, the pine, and the maple. I watch a bird fly from one to the other. By slowing down for a moment and really looking, really listening, I feel awe for the nature that I too often overlook.

The day is dawning, and I am given the gift of seeing today.

We have the opportunity to be awed, in our everyday surroundings, every day. Take a moment, right now, and look outside your window. Look, really look, at the nature that is right outside your window. Open your ears and listen, really listen. Take a deep breath and be in awe that you are created in a body that breathes for you without your needing to do anything at all.

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Take a few minutes throughout today just to be and observe. Let today be a day, to paraphrase e.e cummings’ words, when the ears of your ears awake and the eyes of your eyes are opened.

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I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from Meditations on the Good News. Please feel free to forward it to anyone you think may be blessed to read it.

For those of you who have read and enjoyed Meditations on the Good News, please consider leaving a review on its Amazon page.

Thank you!

NBA Basketball Player Jason Collins inspired so many — including me — with his courage in coming out as a gay man and citing his Christian faith as a core reason for being public about his sexuality.

But hours after the news broke, ESPN sportscaster Chris Broussard’s said to millions of viewers: "I would not characterize that person as a Christian because I don't think the Bible would characterize them as a Christian."

Since that moment, ESPN only tepidly apologized.

Working with our amazing partners at Groundswell/Auburn seminary, we created a petiton that
More than 800 people of faith have already signed demanding that ESPN not allow anti-gay speech to go unchallenged – 

 Will you join our campaign? Click here to tell ESPN that Christian doesn't equal anti-gay.

When NBA player Jason Collins came out as gay, he noted “My parents instilled Christian values in me. They taught Sunday school, and I enjoyed lending a hand. I take the teachings of Jesus seriously, particularly the ones that touch on tolerance and understanding.”


After years of hiding who he was, this courageous basketball player needs our support.
Click here to take action. 

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More about the Religious Institute:
The Religious Institute applauds Jason Collins' courageous public witness, and our network of religious leaders affirms sexual and gender diversity as a blessed part of life. The Religious Institute is a national nonprofit advocating for sexual and reproductive justice, education and health in faith communities and in society. Click here to check it out. 
About Groundswell 
Groundswell is a place for people of faith, the seeking, and the secular to advocate for change they want to see in their communities. Together, we echo, amplify, and empower each other’s calls for justice. It's where anyone, like you, can easily set up a petition, recruit your friends and colleagues through social media, email whoever signed the petition, and get campaign support from Groundswell headquarters in New York City to make your campaign successful. Click here to check it out.

It's not often that we get to watch history being made. But as I watched the news this morning and saw colleagues standing in front of the Supreme Court, my heart thrilled knowing that inside the Justices were hearing the first arguments in a Supreme Court case that the Religious Institute was participating in as an "amici"--a friend of the case. Today, the Court will hear a case on the constitutionality of Proposition 8, the California law that bans same sex marriage. Tomorrow, the Court will hear the case on the constitutionality of DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act, the bill that Bill Clinton now wishes he had never signed.

I've been working on marriage equality for more than a decade, although I remember distinctly that after the attempt to legalize marriage in Hawaii was turned down, it seemed more realistic to work for civil unions than marriage.  The first version of the Religious Declaration on Sexuality Morality, Justice, and Healing called for clergy to support "the blessings of same sex unions" because civil marriage seemed like too remote a possibility. That was only 13 years ago.

My commitment to marriage grew when I went to New Paltz, New York in 2004, under threat of arrest, to perform marriage ceremonies for same sex couples. Two of my Unitarian Universalist colleagues had been arrested the week before, standing outside of Mayor Jason West's office in the tiny upstate New York town. This week, six of us went, fully garbed in clerical robes and stoles, prepared to be arrested to marry six more couples.

The first couple we married were two men in their late sixties in matching ties and blazers. They had been together 35 years. One of their 93-year-old mothers had flown up from Florida. Clutching her purse in a borrowed winter coat, she cried as my colleague pronounced them married. She said to me, "I've waited all my life to see my son married."

I knew at that moment that civil unions would never be enough.

That same year, I led a meeting of theologians to develop the Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Marriage Equality. It declared, "where there is love, the sacred is always in our midst." The Open Letter has now been endorsed by more than 2800 clergy from more than fifty faith traditions. It's been used in historic battles in California and Maine, and echoed by religious leaders in states across the country. The Religious Institute has played an active role in educating faith leaders about marriage equality and providing them with the theological framework to use in their pulpits and in the public square. 

I cheered when Massachusetts became the first state to have marriage equality in 2004. I was thrilled when I finally got to say the words, "by the power vested in me by the state of Connecticut" when I marriage two women shortly after Connecticut made marriage legal. I had the honor of marrying two 87-year-old men who had been together for 57 years when marriage became legal for them in New York.

And one day, I hope to officiate at the legal marriage of my son and his to-be-chosen future partner, knowing that he will have the same rights as my daughter and her soon-to-be husband, as I have had with my partner of now 31 years. And that those rights won't only be in Connecticut and New York and 7 other states (plus the District of Columbia), but will be recognized everywhere.

My prayers today and tomorrow will be with the lawyers and the Justices and all those who have worked so hard to get to this day. Where there is love, the sacred is in our midst.

I’ll be posting excerpts from Meditations on the Good News over the next few weeks.

I hope you enoy this excerpt. There is a special offer at the end of this post for those interested in reading the whole book. 

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I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from Meditations on the Good News. Please feel free to forward it to anyone you think may be blessed to read it.

Special Offer: For a limited time, you can get a signed copy of Meditations on the Good News for just $12, shipping and handling included. If you like, I will personalize your copy to you. Click here to order your copy.

For those of you who have read and enjoyed Meditations on the Good News, please consider leaving a review on its Amazon page.

Thank you!

I’ll be posting excerpts from Meditations on the Good News over the next few weeks. This section feels particularly appropriate to me as we enter the Lenten season.

I hope you like it. There is a special offer at the end of this post for those interested in reading the whole book. 

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I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from Meditations on the Good News. Please feel free to forward it to anyone you think may be blessed to read it.

Special Offer: For a limited time, you can get a signed copy of Meditations on the Good News for just $12, shipping and handling included. If you like, I will personalize your copy to you. Click here to order your copy.

For those of you who have read and enjoyed Meditations on the Good News, please consider leaving a review on its Amazon page.

Thank you!

I’ll be posting excerpts from Meditations on the Good News over the next few weeks, starting today with one that is particularly apt for Valentine’s Day. I hope you like it!

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I hope you enjoyed this excerpt from Meditations on the Good News. Please feel free to forward it to anyone you think may be blessed to read it.

Special Offer: For a limited time, you can get a signed copy of Meditations on the Good News for just $12, shipping and handling included. If you like, I will personalize your copy to you. Click here to order your copy.

For those of you who have read and enjoyed Meditations on the Good News, please consider leaving a review on its Amazon page.

Thank you!

I'm delighted to tell you that this morning, the Religious Institute released its new Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Family Planning, endorsed by more than 1000 religious leaders from across the theological spectrum.  

The new Open Letter  recognizes that all women must have equal access to contraception, and states that “the denial of [coverage for] family planning services effectively translates into coercive childbearing and is an insult to human dignity.” The release of this statement coincides with the recent Obama Administration release of proposed regulations, which affirmed its commitment to assure all women have birth control access without cost or administrative hurdles.

Too many of the press reports on the regulations equated the opposition of the Roman Catholic hierarchy to the inclusion of family planning services in the American Care Act with all religious institutions.  It is a critical misunderstanding to equate the minority of those religious leaders who have fought the coverage of birth control during the past year with threats and lawsuits, with the majority of people of faith in the United States who support access to contraception. Let us be clear that support for religious freedom means that women must have the right to accept or reject the principles of their own faith without restrictions, regardless of their place of employment or geographical location. It is unethical for any single religious voice to claim to speak for all religious people in this debate.

More than a dozen major religious denominations have policies that support contraception. In addition, more than 8 in ten women at risk of unintended pregnancy use modern contraceptive methods, regardless of religious affiliation.

The 1000 endorsers of the new Open Letter come from 45 states and more than 35 religious traditions, including each of the major mainline Protestant denominations, Southern Baptist, Roman Catholic, and Muslim traditions. Participating faith leaders include 8 current and former presidents of national denominations including the Rev. Geoffrey A. Black (United Church of Christ), the Rev. Wes Granberg-Michaelson (Reformed Church in America), the Rev. Peter Morales (Unitarian Universalist Association), the Rev. Dr. Sharon E. Watkins (Christian Church (Disciples of Christ)), and the Reverend Nancy Wilson, (Metropolitan Community Churches); seminary presidents including Dr. Philip A. Amerson (Garrett Evangelical Theological Seminary), the Rev. Dr. Serene Jones (Union Theological Seminary), and The Very Rev. Katherine Ragsdale (Episcopal Divinity School) and faculty from sixteen seminaries;  heads of more than twenty national religious organizations, including the New Evangelical Partnership for the Common Good (Dr. Richard Cizik), Women of Reform Judaism (Rabbi Marla Feldman), the Beatitudes Society (Rev. Anne Howard), Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice (Rev. Harry Knox), Catholics for Choice (Jon O’Brien), the Methodist Federation for Social Action (Jill A. Warren) and Muslims for Progressive Values (Ms. Ani Zonneveld); and prominent theologians from diverse perspectives including the Rev. Dr. Tony Campolo, the Rev. Dr. Larry Greenfield, Dr. Mary Hunt, the Right Reverend Gene Robinson, and Dr. Elizabeth Schussler. The Reverends Jones, Watkins, and Wilson all recently were worship leaders at the National Prayer Service. 

The Open Letter was developed in 2012 as a direct response to increasing attempts to deny or restrict family planning access. The Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Family Planning was developed at a colloquium of a dozen renowned faith leaders and theologians sponsored by the Religious Institute. Participants included nationally prominent theologians and ordained clergy from Jewish, Roman Catholic, Protestant (evangelical and mainline denominations), Muslim and Unitarian Universalist traditions.





To read the entire letter, view the endorsers, or see the press release, go to www.religiousinstitute.org/olfp

Dear friends and colleagues:

My new book, "Meditations on the Good News: Reading the Bible for Today" is (finally) available for sale at amazon.com


The book is a series of meditations on Biblical passages that encourage the readers to lead a hopeful, joyful life.  It is a direct response to those who say that the Bible teaches that we are all sinners (it does not) and I hope that it re-introduces the Bible to those who believe it is irrelevant to life today.  And yes, I include many of the passages that celebrate our sexuality.

I say in the book, "You don't need to be Christian or Jewish or Unitarian Universalist or attend a church or synagogue to benefit from these Biblical insights.  You don't need to believe in a creed, or indeed believe in organized religion at all to apply these lessons in your own daily life....You can be "spiritual, not religious" or "religious and spiritual" and still find or make meaning."

I hope some of you may be interested in reading it (it's available on Kindle as well).  During the next few weeks, I'll run a few excerpts at this blog. 

Warm wishes to you all.

Debra

PS The direct link to copy and paste is http://www.amazon.com/Meditations-Good-News-Reading-Bible/dp/0985594918/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1358966585&sr=1-1&keywords=Debra+Haffner+Meditations 

I was 18 when Roe v. Wade was decided.  I thought, as I walked that day to class, that abortion would now be legal and local and that the controversy would ebb away.  I could never have imagined that 40 years later, as a post-menopausal woman, I’d still be working to assure that abortion would be accessible to all, regardless of age, income, or geography.

I think my 18 year old self would have been appalled.  That 18 year old had already helped a friend get to New York City for an abortion because it wasn’t legal in Connecticut.  That 18 year old had already had a friend who had been sent to an “aunt” for a school year to have a baby and give it up for adoption.  That 18 year old had already had a high school classmate who had dropped out of school to have a baby.  That 18 year old already knew that her grandmother had had an illegal abortion.

I cheered that Supreme Court decision – and all those who had worked to make it happen.
On this 40th anniversary, I cheer that Roe has held, but despair that we still have to fight.  I loved the President’s line about Selma, Seneca Falls, and Stonewall, linking the civil rights and equality of all.  I wish he had something about women’s reproductive rights.  (As an aside to this blog, I also wish he had remembered the B ad the T in LGBT, as they were invisible yesterday, but that’s another blog this week!)

I applaud all those along the way who have stood for reproductive justice.  Let us hold in our hearts those who have gone before us in working to protect the rights of women.  Let us stand with those in every part of the globe who are working still to protect women’s access to services and to assure that no woman dies giving birth to the next generation.   On this 40th anniversary of the Roe decision, we remember in sorrow women around the world who have died because of dangerous or illegal abortions, and the providers who have been murdered providing women with these services. 

Let us applaud those clergy who have worked so hard to help people understand that there are religious foundations for affirming abortion as a morally justifiable decision and that women are moral agents who have the right and responsibility to make their own decisions about their reproductive health and futures.  We believe that the sanctity of human life is best upheld when we assure that it is not created carelessly.  It is precisely because life and parenthood are so precious that no woman, regardless of income or geography, should be coerced to bring a pregnancy to term.  We pledge our compassion and support for all who face these difficult decisions. 

Join with us.  Work with us on reproductive and sexual justice.  May there come a day when every child is planned and wanted; every pregnancy safe and supported by medical services; every abortion legal and safe and without unnecessary laws and restrictions; every woman able to make her own moral decisions about her fertility and family size. 

Celebrate Roe today.  Get back to work tomorrow. 

My dear friend and colleague Dr. Doug Kirby died last weekend at the age of 69 while hiking a mountain in Ecuador.  According to his guide, he stopped for a drink of water, looked out at the moonlit landscape, said, "Isn't life great!", clutched his chest and died instantaneously.  The autopsy said it was a heart attack and stroke. 

Doug was a giant in the sexual and reproductive health field.  He did the first national study of sexuality education in the late 70's and the first national evaluation of school based clinics in the 1980's.  In 1988, he moved to California to become the director of research at ETR Associates, where he was working until his death.  He was one of the hardest working people I know.  We often talked about his cutting back: in our last conversation, he said, "I'm just accepting it's genetic. I'm never going to stop working this hard." 

Doug's impact on the world is enormous.  His evaluations led him to created the characteristics of effective sexuality and HIV prevention programs.  His monographs No Easy Answers and later No Emerging Answers taught us all what was effective prevention and which programs work and he taught us all how to use new logic models to improve our work.  His work formed the basis for the national programs list that is funded by the federal government.  In the past decade, he began his international work, completing the evaluation of AIDS prevention programs in Uganda, and working with the World Health Organization, UNESCO, USAID, and UNFPA on improving programs around the world.  He spoke to the House of Lords in London, Presidential Commissions, the ministers of health from around Latin America...and even more. 

He and I first worked together at the Center for Population Options (now Advocates for Youth) from 1984 to 1988.  He was the Director of Research, I was the Director of Education.  I referred to him as my "office husband"; we had lunch together nearly every day when we were both in town.  I think we must have had a thousand slices of pizza together.  We didn't always agree and we had long long discussions about the impact of some of his findings on advocacy.  He was a steadfast researcher with an unswerving commitment to data, and no one was happier than he when he finally found sexuality education programs that did change contraceptive behaviors and the research that allowed him to say that existing abstinence only programs did not.  I had wanted him to say so earlier; he would not. 

We moved from CPO at about the same time, I to New York to be the head of SIECUS, Doug to Aptos, California.  Fortunately, we were often at the same conferences and so continued to have time together.  Doug always made the effort to drive to see me if I was speaking anywhere in California; and we often had meals and shared time together when he was working in New York City.  We explored Cuba and Puerto Rico together.  We shared countless meals where we were the last people at the restaurant as we hungrily caught up on each other's personal and professional lives. 

And we took walks.  Anyone who worked with Doug or was friends with Doug knows the importance of those walks.  Dinners out were less important to Doug, although desserts -- especially chocolate desserts -- were very important.  My husband and I were once with Doug and his dear wife Gail in Puerto Rico and we had spent the day hiking in a rain forest.  We all wanted pina coladas at the beach; Doug had us stop at a Wendy's first so he could have a chocolate milk shake.

Doug introduced me to the Unitarian Universalist church while we were both in Washington.  He encouraged us to come, saying a line I have repeated to so many others, "Try it, but you have to commit to coming twice.  Some weeks aren't as good as others."  He also, as I struggled with my call to ministry, aid to me on one of those beach walks, "Debra, you can start seminary part time.  Just start."  Those two moments changed my life.

Doug was infinitely curious about people and I have been so struck by how many people in the past week have said how close he was to them.  He made people feel special because he was so interested in them.  He always asked questions about people's lives before he turned to the work at hand.  That so many people felt Doug was a close friend surprised me because he never gossipped, he never shared one's confidences.  He was a mensch in the fullest meaning of that word.

Doug's last gift to me was for his 69th birthday.  He told Gail that he wanted to eat chocolate ice cream for this birthday and to send me a generous check for the Religious Institute.  His note to me, that I will forever cherish, said, "We've eaten the ice cream and here is the check."  I cried when I received it; now that card will be his final gift.  We spoke by phone for the last time in early December for a long time:  about our work, about our now grown children, about how excited he was for my daughter's engagement, about his upcoming trip to Ecuador, about our need to make a plan to see each other more in 2013.  I promised I would fly to Washington next time he was there.  We as we did in almost every conversation marveled about the work we are both so privileged to do in the world, and like every conversation we had, said, "I love you" before we hung up.

The world has lost an amazing man.  Gail, Kathryn, and Cameron, have lost their beloved husband and father. 

I read these words this morning by Abraham Joshua Heschel:  "I did not ask for success.  I asked for wonder."  That was Doug.  May you rest in peace, dear friend.  I will hold you in my heart for ever. 

I am appalled to learn the National Review ran an article blaming the Newtown tragedy on women's leadership of the Sandy Hook Elementary School.  Mike Huckabee blamed it on abortion.  Westboro Baptist Church blamed it on Connnecticut's legalization of marriage equality.

A deranged young man with an assault weapon caused the Newtown massacre.  Sexual justice had nothing to do with it.

I live and serve a church 15 miles from Newtown, CT.  My heart breaks for the families there, for the teachers, for the children lost, and for the survivors.  This past weekend, at three different church services, I read the names of those murdered.  My heart broke every time I read, "age six" after the name of the victim.  Although all of my congregants were spared directly losing a relative, none of us were untouched.  

I've spent the last thirty five years advancing sexual rights, first as a sexuality educator and now as a religious leader.  I am convinced, as I know you are, that full inclusion of women and LGBTQ people makes the world more just.  Liberty and justice for all is not a slogan; it's an aspiration.

The Religious Institute works every day to assure sexual rights in faith communities and society.  Please join us.  Take a stand against gun violence and for comprehensive mental health services.  Take a stand for women and LGBT people.  Go to www.religiousinstitute.org/donate to support our justice-seeking leadership today. 

Another heart stopping school shooting.

This time at an elementary school not far from where I live, work, and worship.  The senseless violence is closer than ever, even in a bucolic Connecticut town.

I've already been asked about how or if to talk to children about it.  I remember too well the day I picked up 6 year old Greg from school on September 11, 2001.  He already knew that something was wrong.  There were teachers and parents crying in the halls.

A lot of parents then wanted to avoid talking to their children about it.  They hoped that their children might not have heard. 

They'll hear about this too.  Even the kindergartners and first graders need to hear from you, their parent or trusted adult, that you are there for them.  They need to know that this type of tragedy is very very rare and that schools are safe.  They need to know that there are procedures to keep children safe in schools and that's why there are things like fire drills and hall monitors and crossing guards.  They need to know that you too feel sad hearing about children who were hurt and killed and that this type of violence should never ever happen.  They need to know your values about guns.  They need to know about all of the adults who came to help: the teachers, the police, and the concerned towns people.

They may need a chance to write or draw or play act their feelings.  You might want to light a memory candle at dinner or look for a community candle light vigil or religious service. Remember to tell your children how much you love them and that you want them to talk with you about their feelings. 

With older children, start by asking what they know.  Listen to their feelings.  Share your feelings and values.  Think about what you can do together, like writing your elected representative about gun control or reaching out through your congregation to families in Newtown.

And pray.  Pray for the families that will never be the same.  Pray for the families that were observers.  Pray for the children who survive.  Pray for the souls of all the victims, including those that caused the violence.  Pray for mental health services for those who need them and laws to ban handguns and assault weapons.  Pray for an end to senseless violence. 

It was a very long tense election night.  But ultimately, hope and love won. Misogyny, racism, homophobia lost.  The people of the United States voted, and on sexual justice issues, we are the new moral majority.

Sexual justice seeks to uphold the experience and expression of sexuality as life giving and pleasurable, in a social context marked by mutual respect, equality, and accountability.  Sexual justice fosters physical, emotional, and spiritual health and accepts no double standards and applies to all persons.  It encompasses reproductive justice for women and the full inclusion of women and LGBTQ people. 

There are so many ways that sexual justice triumphed on election night.  The future of the Supreme Court was likely decided for generations to come, and it  will I believe continue to support the precedent of Roe v. Wade and ultimately decide that the Defense of Marriage Act as unconstitutional.   Richard Mourdock and Todd Akin were roundly trounced from office, following their inane and disrespectful comments about rape victims.  Eighteen women were elected to the United States Senate, including several remarkable feminist political leaders and the first out lesbian.  Maine and Maryland became the first states where the majority of voters supported marriage equality; Minnesota rejected a ban on same sex marriage; and Washington is likely to support marriage equality as well.  Fifty five percent of the voters resoundingly defeated an anti-abortion measure in Florida. 

These victories did not come easily, and they represent the work of thousands of people of faith across the country.  We know that people of faith came together to work for marriage equality and abortion rights in every state where they were debated.  We know that the values of compassion, full inclusion, equality for all triumphed.  We know that young people, people of color, Latinos, and many Catholics and evangelicals helped bring about these social and sexual justice victories.  We will learn more as the pollsters and analysts do their work in the coming weeks, but I’m convinced that there will be a new understanding of what it means to be a values voter. 

The hymn that is going through my mind this morning is “May Nothing Evil Cross This Door.”  It resonates with my hopes – I hope all of our hopes. despite which candidates you supported yesterday – for the future of the United States and the world:

“With laughter drown the raucous shout, and though these sheltering walls are thin, may they be strong to keep hate out and hold love in.”

And so may it be. 

I love everything about voting.  I love standing in line with my neighbors at the local elementary school; I love the PTA bake sale; I love going into the voting booth and pulling the levers; I love wearing the little "I voted today" sticker.

Tomorrow's election is probably the most important election we've had on sexual justice issues in at least three decades.  The party's platforms couldn't be more different on these issues.  Four states are voting on marriage equality.  Several states have policies on abortion access.  The future of the U.S. Supreme Court is likely to be affected.

I have readers from across the political spectrum and across the values spectrum.  Whatever you believe, please go out and vote.  Make sure your neighbors vote.  Make sure your older parents and your adult children vote.  Be an informed voter.  Our future depends on it. 

I wasn’t surprised to read that the Vatican has published a response to the September 18th announcement of a tiny piece of papyrus that includes a dialog where Jesus refers to “my wife.” It is, in their words, a “clumsy forgery.” I only wonder what took them so long.

As you have no doubt read, Dr. Karen King, a professor of early Christianity at Harvard Divinity School, released findings last week regarding a newly found original document that offers evidence suggesting Jesus was married. It was front page news and lit up social media, with some claiming that it provides support for women priests and a married Roman Catholic clergy. 

Veracity of the fragment aside, this wasn’t news to those of us who think about sexuality and the church.  More than forty years ago, William E. Phipps wrote a book entitled “The Sexuality of Jesus,” in which he postulated that Jesus would have been betrothed by his parents during his teen years as was the custom for Jewish men based on the mores of the time. With an average age of marriage of 14, Phipps argued, Jesus was in all probability married. By the time we meet Jesus again at age thirty, when the Gospel story introduces him as an adult, he was likely a widower. (Women on average died in the first century at the age of 25, most often in childbirth.)

As a Jewish Unitarian Universalist, it’s hard for me to fully understand why a married Jesus causes such dismay. Regardless of one’s beliefs about the humanity and divinity of Jesus, the embodied Jesus would surely have been sexual from birth to death as all humans are. There is nothing in the Gospels that suggests that Jesus was asexual or celibate his entire life—something that would have been so extra-ordinary that surely it would have been mentioned by their authors. Indeed, the ideal of a celibate clergy was not decided until the late seventh century: the Quinisextine Council in 691 was the first to decree that clergy couldn’t marry after ordination, although previously married men could become clergy.

Rather than decrying the idea that Jesus was married (and therefore most likely sexually active with at least one woman), perhaps the discovery of the papyrus fragment will reopen the too-often missing dialog about sexuality in those denominations that would rather wish it away. If sexuality is one of God’s gifts to us, if sexual diversity is part of God’s blessing, if people of all genders are created in God’s image—then surely there is the possibility that Jesus too enjoyed this good gift.

     This summer, I celebrated my 37th year working in sexual and reproductive health and rights.  My very first publication in the field was a 1976 pamphlet for the Population Institute titled, “Does Your Campus Offer Birth Control?”aimed at extending contraceptive services to college students.  In 1971, the U.S. Supreme Court had affirmed family planning for unmarried women, and more and more universities were recognizing that their health services needed to include prescribing contraceptives.  Indeed, during my time at Wesleyan University, I had helped organize the movement to provide gynecological services at this previously all male school.

    I never would have predicted that nearly four decades later that birth control would once again be controversial.  After all, nine in ten heterosexually active women use family planning, nine in ten Americans believe that birth control use is morally acceptable , and three quarters of voters in 2012 agree that “we should do everything we can to make sure that people who want to use prescription birth control have affordable access to it.”
    
    Yet, during the past two years, there have been efforts to pass so called “Personhood Amendments” that would criminalize hormonal methods of birth control, the federal government almost closed down because of an attempt to defund Planned Parenthood, and contraceptive coverage in health care reform is being challenged by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, calling its inclusion an attack on their “religious liberty.” Given these efforts, coupled with increased restrictions on abortion and politicians’ ridiculous statements on how pregnancy does and doesn’t occur, terming this a “war on women” seems all too apt.

    I am proud to tell you that this morning, 38 nationally recognized religious leaders are joining me in affirming safe, affordable, accessible, and comprehensive family planning services.  They include current and past heads of denominations, such the Rev. Geoffrey A. Black (United Church of Christ), the Rev. Wes Granberg-Michaelson (Reformed Church in America), the Rev. Peter Morales (Unitarian Universalist Association), and the Rev. Dr. Sharon E. Watkins (Christian Church (Disciples of Christ)); presidents of seminaries such as Dr. Philip A. Amerson (Garrett Evangelical Theological Seminary), the Rev. Dr. Serene Jones (Union Theological Seminary), and The Very Rev. Katherine Ragsdale (Episcopal Divinity School); organizational heads such as Dr. Richard Cizik (the New Evangelical Partnership for the Common Good), the Rev. Harry Knox (Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice), and Jon O'Brien (Catholics for Choice); and nationally recognized theologians such as the Rev. Dr. Tony Campolo, the Rev. Dr. Larry Greenfield, and Dr. Mary Hunt. They have all endorsed the Religious Institute’s new “Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Family Planning” [www.religiousinstitute.org/olfp]

    The Open Letter was developed at a Religious Institute colloquium held this spring.  A dozen Christian (mainline, Evangelical, and Roman Catholic), Jewish, and Muslim theologians created the Open Letter in a day of dialog and discussion.  They affirmed that, “in a just world, all people would have equal access to contraception.  The denial of family planning services effectively translates into coercive childbearing is an insult to human dignity.”  They called on hospitals and health services, regardless of religious affiliation, to provide or refer to contraceptive services, and reminded those who would oppose such services, that “no single faith can claim final moral authority in domestic or international discourse.”  They urged religious leaders to “advocate for increased U.S. financial support for domestic and global family planning services”.

    There is nothing new about religious leaders supporting family planning.  In 1929, the Central Conference of American Rabbis (Reform Judaism)  and in 1930, the Lambeth Conference of the Anglican Communion  passed the first religious organization policies supporting it.  Today, at least 14 major denominations, including the Church of the Latter Day Saints (the Mormons) (http://religiousinstitute.org/statement/birth-control), the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America, [http://www.religiousinstitute.org/statement/human-sexuality-and-sexual-behavior-a-social-statement-of-the-american-lutheran-church-a--1], and the Seventh Day Adventist Church [http://www.religiousinstitute.org/statement/birth-control-a-seventh-day-adventist-statement-of-consensus] have policies supporting contraception.

    As people of faith, we must resist those who would deny individuals the ability to make their own personal decisions about their families and reproductive lives; indeed we must resist the political attempts to make such decisions and such services controversial when they are not.  As the Open Letter states, “contraception allows for a fulfilling sexual life while reducing maternal and infant mortality, unintended pregnancies, abortions, and sexually transmitted diseases.”  Surely as the wide range of endorsers of the Open Letter demonstrates, family planning is common ground.

    If you are a religious leader, please add your name to the list of endorsers by clicking www.religiousinstitute.org/olfp.  Read the Open Letter and view the endorsements there as well.   If you are a member of a faith community, please ask your religious leader to add their name.  Help us spread the word about the new Open Letter on Facebook and Twitter. 

    Let us demonstrate to all who would once again limit contraception that people of faith understand that “contraception saves lives, promotes human flourishing, and advances the common good.”  

I'm just back from two weeks of vacation where I stayed away from the electronic world and most of the news. 

I did manage to catch Dan Cathy of Chic-fil-a's comments about same sex marriage, the day of protest by anti-LGBT so-called Christians, and the news of the kiss in.  There are no chick-fil-a's in Martha's Vineyard (and no fast food at all, except for one Dairy Queen), otherwise I would have been happy to been there to kiss people while in my clerical collar.

I dislike what is called proof texting, but Cathy is just wrong when he talks about biblical marriage as one man, one woman.  The fact is that marriage has changed dramatically since Biblical times, when polygamy was the norm and women were regarded as property.  Remember that Biblical texts also forbid divorce and require women to be subservient to their husbands as well. 

And of course, Cathy conveniently forgets all of the other statements in the Leviticus Holiness Code that he most likely ignores, including serving milk products with meat or bacon on anything. But more importantly, he seems to have forgotten that the overriding messages of the Scriptures are love, justice, and inclusion.  As our Open Letter on Marriage Letter states, "scripture neither commends a single marriage model nor commands all to marry, but rather calls for love and justice in all relationships." 

My colleague Ken South has compiled this list of what the Hebrew Bible says about marriages and has given me permission to reprint it here.  I somehow doubt that it is what Cathy has in mind.

ives, Ahinoam of Jezreel, and Abigail of Carmel, Nabal's widow.

1 Samuel 30:5 David's two wives also had been taken captive, Ahinoam of Jezreel, and Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel.

1 Samuel 30:18 David recovered all that the Amalekites had taken; and David rescued his two wives.

2 Samuel 2:2 So David went up there, and his two wives also, Ahinoam of Jezreel, and Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel.

2 Samuel 5:13 And David took more concubines and wives from Jerusalem, after he came from Hebron; and more sons and daughters were born to David.

2 Samuel 19:5 Then Joab came into the house to the king, and said, "You have today covered with shame the faces of all your servants, who have this day saved your life, and the lives of your sons and your daughters, and the lives of your wives and your concubines,

1 Kings 11:3 He had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned away his heart.

1 Kings 11:4 For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods; and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father.

1 Kings 11:8 And so he did for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and sacrificed to their gods.

1 Kings 20:3 'Your silver and your gold are mine; your fairest wives and children also are mine.'"

1 Kings 20:7 Then the king of Israel called all the elders of the land, and said, "Mark, now, and see how this man is seeking trouble; for he sent to me for my wives and my children, and for my silver and my gold, and I did not refuse him."

2 Kings 24:15 And he carried away Jehoiachin to Babylon; the king's mother, the king's wives, his officials, and the chief men of the land, he took into captivity from Jerusalem to Babylon.

1 Chronicles 4:5 Ashhur, the father of Tekoa, had two wives, Helah and Naarah;

1 Chronicles 8:8 And Shaharaim had sons in the country of Moab after he had sent away Hushim and Baara his wives.

1 Chronicles 14:3 And David took more wives in Jerusalem, and David begot more sons and daughters.

2 Chronicles 11:21 Rehoboam loved Maacah the daughter of Absalom above all his wives and concubines (he took eighteen wives and sixty concubines, and had twenty-eight sons and sixty daughters);

2 Chronicles 13:21 But Abijah grew mighty. And he took fourteen wives, and had twenty-two sons and sixteen daughters.

2 Chronicles 21:17 and they came up against Judah, and invaded it, and carried away all the possessions they found that belonged to the king's house, and also his sons and his wives, so that no son was left to him except Jehoahaz, his youngest son.

2 Chronicles 24:3 Jehoiada got for him two wives, and he had sons and daughters.,

Daniel 5:2 Belshazzar, when he tasted the wine, commanded that the vessels of gold and of silver which Nebuchadnezzar his father had taken out of the temple in Jerusalem be brought, that the king and his lords, his wives, and his concubines might drink from them.

Daniel 5:3 Then they brought in the golden and silver vessels which had been taken out of the temple, the house of God in Jerusalem; and the king and his lords, his wives, and his concubines drank from them..

When I tell people what I do for a living, some times people respond by saying, "Wow, you work on the most controversial issues of our time."  People use phrases like "hot button issues" and "wedge issues" to describe the movements for full inclusion of LGBT people, marriage equality, and recently, contraceptive coverage.

Except that the reality is that they are not.  At last week's London Summit on Family Planning, sponsored by the Gates Foundation and the British Government, donor governments and foundations promised to provide an additional $4.6 million so that an additional 120 million women can receive family planning services.  The vast majority of people in the U.S., including women of all faiths, use and support contraception.  The trumped up Fortnight to Freedom campaign by the U.S. Catholic Bishops tried to make contraception a controversial public policy issue failed to garner much public attention, especially as compared to the U.S. Nuns on the Bus campaign against draconian budget cuts.

The American public is also increasingly in favor of LGBT rights.  Recent polls show that the majority of Americans now support marriage rights, and more than three quarters support legislation protecting lesbian and gay people from employment discrimination.  It is indeed shameful that the Boy Scouts of America just reaffirmed its position against openly gay Boy Scouts or Boy Scout leaders, at a time when the vast majority of young people the ages of those engaged in those programs support gay rights.  There simply is no justification for discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity -- and Americans agree. 

We need to actively resist those who would marginalize issues of sexual justice by labeling them as "too hot to handle."  One can only hope that the platform committees of both parties are listening. 

July 11 is World Population Day.,

July 11, 2012 is the historic Family Planning Summit in London, England.  Sponsored by The Gates Foundation, its goal is to develop and commit to new strategies to provide 110 million women around the world with contraceptive services they currently do not have.  It is estimated that 222 million women, mostly in the developing world, lack access to birth control.

I agree with my colleagues at Population Action International that family planning is essential but not enough.  These 222 million women need access to a broad array of sexual and reproductive health services, including safe and legal abortion.  We need to be advocating for reproductive justice writ large not population control, an argument that I thought we had won in 1994 in Cairo at the ICPD conference.

Nevertheless, there are strong religious foundations for affirming safe, affordable, accessible and comprehensive family planning services.  Access to contraception allows for a fulfilling sexual life while reducing maternal and infant mortality, unintended pregnancies, abortions, and sexually transmitted infections.  Every individual adult, no matter where they live, is a moral agent with the right and responsibility to make their own decisions about procreation, including family size and the spacing of their children.

There can be no question that in a just world, all people would have equal access to contraception.  We stand with and pray for those in London today to affirm reproductive justice for all.

     The Catholic Bishops have begun a two week campaign leading up to July 4th with a centerpiece of removing contraceptive coverage from health insurance reform.  Of course, the Supreme Court any minute now may end or modify the Affordable Care Act, which may make this debate moot.
  
     They are calling it a “Fortnight for Freedom” and cloaking their objection to modern methods of contraception in a religious liberty argument.  It is a classic example of those on the religious right who would restrict individual freedom to make private sexual choices co-opting language to confuse and gain supporters.  It is reminiscent of the right’s coinage of “partial-birth abortion” for abortion procedures after 20 weeks and “death panels” in health care.

    As a religious leader and as a person of faith, I of course support religious freedom.  So does the U.S. Constitution and so I presume do you.  To me, and millions of people of faith, religious freedom means that all persons should be free to make their own personal decisions about their sexual and reproductive lives, including their decisions about when, whether, or if to have children.  These decisions are optimally informed by their conscience, faith tradition, religious beliefs and families, but ultimately they are deeply personal decisions that individuals can and should have the freedom to make. 

    Religious freedom means that the government should not privilege the teachings of one religion over another or deny individual religious freedom.  Individuals must have the right to accept or reject the principles of their own faith without legal restrictions.  The Bishops do not speak for all faith traditions on contraception; indeed they don’t even speak for the people in their pews who use and support family planning in overwhelming majorities.  It is past time for the Vatican and the American Bishops to understand that they cannot claim final moral authority in domestic – or as we saw in Rio last week international – discourse.

    It is up to each of us to not allow the Bishops or anyone else to co-opt religious freedom.  Universal access to family planning does not require anyone to use contraception – rather it assures that individual moral agency and conscience are respected.  Supporting religious freedom means supporting the right of all of us to make our own moral decisions.  We know a wolf in sheep’s clothing when we see it. 

The news is full of the twin horrifying trials in Pennsylvania of men who have allegedly perpetrated sexual abuse against children -- one directly of children in his care, the other by not removing priests who had abused children from direct involvement with other children.

There have been many articles and blog posts about these trials, but I have been struck that none of them have been aimed at helping parents protect their own children from possible abuse.  The "solutions" to these alarming stories have discussed legislation and registries, but not how we can empower children.

In my book "From Diapers to Dating: A Parent's Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children" I provided detailed information on how to educate your children to prevent sexual abuse.  Even preschoolers need to know that their bodies are good, that their bodies belong to them, that they have the right to tell someone not to touch  any part of their bodies, and to tell right away if an older child or adult has made them uncomfortable in any way.  Make sure you screen nannies and babysitters, and that your preschool does background checks on everyone who works with the children, including part time teachers, babysitters, and custodial staff.

Elementary age children need to know that sexual abuse occurs when an older, stronger, or more powerful person looks at or touches a child's genitals, and that a person who is sexually abusing a child may tell the child to keep the behavior secret.  Make sure they understand that a child is never at fault if an older child, teen, or adult touches them in a way that is wrong or uncomfortable.  Tell them that most adults would never abuse children, but children are generally hurt this way by people they know who act as if they are special to them.  Tell them to tell right away.   

Make sure that the school, Scout troops, soccer leagues, and yes churches and synagogues are doing background checks on anyone who will work with your child.  Watch out for adults who seem too interested in your child, and don't let your child spend alone time with adults one on one unless you know them well.  Empower your children to say no to requests for kisses or hugs from anyone, including relatives.  Let them know that they have the right to say no to any unwanted physical contact.

Most important, know that you may not always be able to protect your child from the first time of sexual abuse, but you can stop the second IF your children are educated to tell you right away and that they can count on you to take action.  Over and over again in these trials, we have heard adult men say that they were too afraid to tell.  Make sure your children know you want to know immediately. 

The Sandusky and Lynn trials, while traumatic to watch, are providing you with a teachable moment.  Don't let it pass for your children's sake.

Growing up Jewish in the 1960’s  my understanding of nuns was shaped by Sally Field as Sister Betrille, the Flying Nun, and Audrey Hepburn as Sister Luke in The Nun Story. They were both passionate, courageous and authority defying, as well as loving, caring, and dedicated to the poor.

I didn’t actually know any nuns until I began my seminary studies, when I had the privilege of taking a class with Sister Mary Boys at Union Theological Seminary, spending time at the Peace Council with Sister Joan Chittister, and being guided in an independent study by Sister Margaret Farley at Yale Divinity School (YDS). These Roman Catholic theologians inspired me with their brilliance, their deep understanding of ethics, and their unending compassion for their students and the world.

Two weeks ago, my adviser at YDS, Sister Margaret Farley was publicly condemned by the Vatican for her 2006 book, Just Love: A Framework for Christian Ethics. They said it could cause “grave harm” to the faithful, in presenting a sexual ethic based in justice.  My denomination, the Unitarian Universalist Association, actually encourages our candidates for ministry to read this book for grounding in sexual ethics. Ironically, the Vatican’s action means that Farley’s book now has an audience much larger than ever before: it’s gone from being a somewhat obscure read for seminary students to apparently selling out its print run on Amazon.
 
The statement against Farley follows the Vatican’s public crackdown on the Leadership Conference on Women Religious, an organization that, according to their website, includes 80% of American nuns and whose mission is to “further the mission of the Gospel in today’s world.” The Vatican has called for a full-scale overhaul of the LCRW, because they have not done enough to speak out against abortion and same sex marriage—an accusation that could be leveled at the Gospels as well since neither issue is ever mentioned in them. The Board of the LCRW went to Rome earlier this week to speak directly to the Vatican officials, calling the charges “unsubstantiated accusations and the result of a flawed practice that lacked transparency.”

This attack on American nuns is nothing short of incongruous by the all-male, celibate Roman Catholic hierarchy. On the one hand, they are censuring Farley because of her public stance on sexuality; on the other hand, they are trying to take over the LCRW because of their lack of a public stance on sexuality. This should come as no surprise after the U.S. Roman Catholic Bishops declared earlier this spring that removing contraception from health care reform would be their number one public policy priority, even though overwhelming numbers of American Catholics find birth control morally acceptable. As Roman Catholic theologian Mary Hunt notes, “The Roman men are hell-bent on reining in American nuns, if only to prove that they can rein in somebody in a world that pays them increasingly little heed.” There seems to be no end to the Roman Catholic hierarchy wanting to prioritize sexuality issues.

Except perhaps among their own ranks. Ironically, just as the news of Farley’s censure was being reported, so was a news story that the Milwaukee Archbishop had paid sex-abusing priests to leave the priesthood, rather than holding them accountable for their actions. The U.S. Roman Catholic Church has spent millions of dollars settling cases of priest sexual misconduct with children and adolescents. No other religious denomination has been tainted by such widespread abuse of children, cover up of cases, or moving abusing clergy to other parishes.

Meanwhile, the Sisters are speaking truth to power and standing for the full inclusion of women in religious life.  I am hopeful that the Sisters who went to Rome let the Vatican know that it is way past time for the male hierarchy to cease seeking to control Roman Catholic women, either secular or religious.

I noted in my Huffington Post piece that the LCRW posted a prayer on their website that ends with these words:

May we continue to faithfully live the
questions of our time and witness to
the people of God that we are women
at home with mystery and filled with
fierce hope for our shared future.

So may it be during these upcoming days. The prayers of the Religious Institute are with these Sisters.   

I'm pleased to tell you that today the Religious Institute, a multi-faith organization dedicated to sexual health, education and justice, issued a statement regarding The United Methodist Church’s decision General Conference not to remove the doctrinal language that states, “the practice of homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching.” Twenty-three major mainstream religious leaders joined with me to endorse the statement, which reads:

“As religious leaders, we are speaking out against the decision of The United Methodist Church’s General Conference not to remove the doctrinal language that states, “the practice of homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching.” Using the Bible to exclude or attack people violates the very spirit of our traditions and is morally unconscionable. We affirm sexual and gender diversity as gifts people offer to their congregations and communities. We stand in solidarity with those United Methodists working to transform their denomination into one that celebrates sexual and gender diversity as a blessing that enriches all.


“Too many religious institutions have failed to embrace sexual and gender diversity. Some have mistakenly called homosexuality sinful, when the real issue is heterosexism or the unjust privileging of heterosexuality. Silence, misinformation, and condemnation of differing sexual and gender identities have created despair, destroyed relationships, and led to violence, suicide, and even murder. Sexual and gender oppression can no longer be portrayed as virtuous and morally defensible.


“Loving, just communities embrace everyone; they are strengthened when all people are able to live fully and express their gender and sexuality with holiness and integrity. There can be no turning back from the goal of the full participation of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people in our faith traditions and communities. Surely, that day is coming soon.”

Rev. Dr. Michael J. Adee
Executive Director
More Light Presbyterians

Dr. Ellen Armour
Director of the Carpenter Program in Religion, Gender, and Sexuality
Vanderbilt University Divinity School

Karen Barr
Moderator of Council
GLAD Alliance

Meredith Bischoff
President, Board of Directors
Welcoming Community Network

Francis DeBernardo
Executive Director
New Ways Ministry

Marianne Duddy-Burke
Executive Director
DignityUSA

Yolanda Elliott
President
SDA Kinship International

Rev. Yvette Flunder
Presiding Bishop
The Fellowship of Affirming Ministries

Dr. Sharon Groves
Director, Religion and Faith Program
Human Rights Campaign

Rev. Debra W. Haffner
President
Religious Institute

Dr. Alice W. Hunt
President
Chicago Theological Seminary

Dr. Mary E. Hunt
Co-Director
Women's Alliance for Theology, Ethics and Ritual (WATER)

Rev. Dr. Jay Johnson
Senior Director
Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies in Religion and Ministry
Pacific School of Religion

Rev. Dr. Serene Jones
President
Union Theological Seminary

Dr. Joel L. Kushner
Director
Institute for Judaism, Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity
Hebrew Union College - Jewish Institute of Religion

Andrew G. Lang
Executive Director
United Church of Christ Coalition for LGBT Concerns

David Lohman
IWR & Faith Work Coordinator
National Gay & Lesbian Task Force's Institute for Welcoming Resources

Jon O’Brien
President
Catholics for Choice

Marilyn Paarlberg
Executive Director
Room for All (Reformed Church in America)

The Very Reverend Dr. Katherine Hancock Ragsdale
President
Episcopal Divinity School

Rev. Michael Schuenemeyer
Executive for Health and Wholeness Advocacy, Wider Church Ministries
United Church of Christ Office for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Ministries

Howard Solomon
President
World Congress of GLBT Jews

Rabbi Arthur Waskow
Director
The Shalom Center

Rev. Dr. Nancy Wilson
Moderator
Metropolitan Community Churches

Rev. Dr. D. Newell Williams
President
Brite Divinity School

(List in formation)

I had the privilege of hearing Rev. Dr. James Forbes preach last week at the 175th anniversary of Union Theological Seminary.  He chose Genesis 12 as his reading, and using God’s command to Abram to “go forth”, he inspired us to reflect on Union’s faculty and graduates impact on the world.

The sermon touched my soul – not just as a proud Union alum and adjunct professor – but because of the journey I have been on for the past two months.  Rev. Forbes reminded me that Abram set out on his journey because God called him to make it, without experience in the destination.  So did Moses, so did the Israelites in the exile, so did Jesus and the disciples.  Called by God, to go first into the chaos or the wilderness, they went forth because they had no other choice but to obey God’s call.

When we discovered just 8 weeks ago that all of the monies of the Religious Institute had been used by its fiscal agent without our knowledge or permission, we were plunged into the darkness and the wilderness.  I had no idea how or if we would survive, but I did know that the ministry of the Religious Institute was too essential, too unique not to try.  I knew deep in my bones that I would have to work harder, be stronger, be more resilient, be braver and be more faithful than perhaps I had ever been before.

God’s yes, God’s go forth, was louder than any internal desire on my part to just give in or give up.

And so here we are, two months later, with 90% of the money for 2012 raised or committed. We have not been alone in the wilderness.  More than 550 individual donors and eight foundations have become part of our re-birth.  We are a newly incorporated organization with its own board of directors, on our way to becoming an IRS recognized 501 c 3 organization.

In a way that I could not begin to imagine on that terrible day when I learned about the betrayal of the Religious Institute, we now know that we have survived this financial tsunami and we have emerged as a stronger organization, with greater support than ever before.  We are reborn because of all of the people who have stepped forward to make sure that we would.  Your prayers, your donations, your volunteering, your cards and notes have kept us going through the wilderness. 

We are far from done, but we are on our way and we can see the other side of this journey.  I have felt the Holy Spirit’s presence in the darkest moments and in the signs of spring that have also emerged during these two months.

I have reminded myself often of Goethe’s words:  "Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom, but we hope it, we know it.”
Because of your support, we have once again begun to blossom and we hope, indeed, we know, we will once again blossom.  Thank you for being part of our rebirth. 

I wanted to give you an update since my blog a few weeks ago.

I am now more confident than ever that the Religious Institute (now formally Religious Institute, Inc.) has survived a financial tsunami and that we are ready to move on.

I am pleased to report that the Religious Institute, Inc. is now legally incorporated in the State of Connecticut, obtained its own EIN, and has a new Board of Directors. The first meeting of the Board took place on March 9, 2012, and bylaws were adopted. We are just about finished with our IRS papers, seeking 501 c 3 status. We expect to have that by September.

People and organizations have been supportive beyond words and expectations. Within 2 days, I had raised $40,000 to cover the debts we were left and staff salary for two payrolls. By the time I’m writing this, in just five weeks, we have commitments for more than two thirds of a scaled down 2012 budget. We have had office volunteers, people bringing us lunch, the most lovely letters and notes, and infinite generosities. I can honestly say that I have now experienced the worst of people and the best of people in new ways.

Our 2012 work will continue because it must. Even during this crisis, we have continued to speak out on reproductive justice, LGBT equality, and sexuality education on television, radio, and in print media. In a few weeks, we are convening an amazing group of theologians to develop a new Open Letter to Religious Leaders on contraception. We are moving ahead with our plans for the Rachel Sabbath Initiative on Mother's Day weekend, and I'm backing to co-writing our new guide for congregations on the Internet.

If you had considered donating, but were waiting to see if we would make it, please know how grateful I would be for your tax deductible contribution. You can do it online at www.religiousinstitute.org/donate or mail us a check to 21 Charles Street, Suite 140, Westport, CT 06880. Let me know that you are one of my blog readers.

P.S. If you want to know what's going on with the investigation that's public, google search my name and "news." There's going to be an article on Sunday that will tell you more. Please know that we continue to work with authorities at the local, state, and federal level on their investigation so that justice will prevail.

The Religious Institute -- and I - am in the fight of our life.

I believe with all my soul that the Religious Institute (www.religiousinstitute.org) must survive having its parent organization close down and the loss of all of our funds.

In last week's post, I told you that The Unitarian Church in Westport (www.uuwestport.org) immediately became our new fiscal sponsor. On Monday, with the assistance of the Probono Partnership, we will begin filing to be an independent organization and becoming our own 501 c 3.

We are accepting tax exempt donations immediately. You can donate at www.religiousinstitute.org/donate or send a check to TUCW/Religious Institute to 21 Charles Street, Suite 140, Westport, CT 06880.

If you are local, you can volunteer. We need at least one volunteer a day to do clerical work. Please call first as our offices are tiny.

If you believe in our mission promoting sexuality education, sexual health, and full inclusion of women and LGBT in the life of the faith community, you can ask your friends through FB, twitter, or blogs to "like" us on FB, take the Faithful Voices Pledge at www.religiousinstitute.org, or send us donations.

You can send a card or a note to the Religious Institute offices for our staff and advisors. Every kind word is making a difference. Use the address above.

Please know that the Religious Institute has contacted every possible local, state, and national authority and they are investigating. Please know that I am working 15 to 18 hour days to survive -- and to do things like write CNN blogs and appear on radio and TV shows on current sexuality issues where our religious voices is desperately needed. Please know that our program work is continuing but that our usual 24 hour turn around time on requests for assistance is slowed down.

During crisis, whether this kind or in a personal tragedy or loss, people have often told me that they don't reach out because they don't know what to say. What we need to hear is simple: "I'm sorry. What can I do? Your work is valued." (If you are reading this and don't know about our ministry, please go to www.religiousinstitute.org)

The kindness of loved ones and of strangers has been uplifting. We know we are surrounded by prayers. My church is doing all they can. Our web site designer is hosting us free for a year. A seven year old sent in $1.45. Churches are holding special plate collections. My chiropractor has offered a free session for all of our staff. A hair dresser even offered me a free blow out. People have brought lunch to the office for us. A church sent the office spring flowers.

I am confident we will survive. YOU can help us survive. Please make your most generous donation (again www.religiousinstitute.org/donate is the quickest way) and please PRAY.

Rev. Debra W. Haffner

Dear faithful blog readers:

I need your help. I need your prayers. I need your support and I need you to help spread the word about the vital ministry of the Religious Institute. If you can't read all of this, please go to www.religiousinstitute.org/donate for a short version.

I am in the fight of my life. The Lenten season is upon us, I have been betrayed, we are in the garden, and we need you to stay awake for us.

My regular readers know that I am the director of the Religious Institute, a multi-faith organization that I co-founded in 2001 to promote a progressive religious voice on a broad range of sexuality issues and to help faith communities address sexuality issues.

On February 21, 2012, the Religious Institute received shocking news from its fiscal agent, Christian Community Inc., that it had ceased business operations, and that it was shutting down immediately. In its capacity as fiscal agent, Christian Community Inc. was responsible for processing all donations to the Religious Institute as well as managing its financial obligations. At that time, we were notified that all of the Religious Institute funds for fiscal year 2012, and all of the Religious Institute reserves and fund balance, were gone. All ties between the organizations were immediately ended at that time.


The shock and the betrayal are beyond words. All authorities -- local police in several jurisdiction, state attorney generals offices in several states, U.S. Attorney, and the FBI have been contacted and are investigating. We have filed reports, given statements and documents, and I've been asked to let them begin their investigation.

I am working 15 hour plus days, harder than I ever have in my life. I have ceased having a salary. The staff of the Religious Institute -- Marie, Blanca, and Michael -- have been AMAZING. We pray, we cry, we hold each other, we feed each other, and we work incessantly. I have never felt so loved. And I have never known how strong I can really be. We are in the wilderness, but we WILL survive.

The response so far (and it's only been a week) has been remarkable. A probono law firm has agreed to take us on as a client and will help us become our own independent 501 c 3. My church, the church I serve as a community minister, The Unitarian Church in Westport (TUCW) immediately voted to become the new fiscal agent for the Religious Institute.

In this role, it will process donations to the Religious Institute. (I have served this congregation as a Community Minister since 2003, and have been a member since 1988.) Additionally, the Religious Institute has started the process of being recognized by the IRS as an independent nonprofit organization, and is managing its own finances. Once the Religious Institute receives IRS recognition as an independent nonprofit organization, it will no longer need the services of TUCW.

The kindnesses people have offered demonstrate to me how loved we are, how we can get through anything with enough love and support, and concrete actions. Our website host has dropped all fees for 2012. My chiropractor has donated free sessions to the staff as has my spiritual director and a psychologist. Members of my church are volunteering their hands and their professional expertise. Churches are taking collections for us.

I've raised one third of what I need to keep us open for the next ten months so we can re-establish ourselves. You can help us get to that goal.

And through it all, I have continued my ministry. In this past week of horrors, I've also done the Geraldo ABC radio show to defend contraception in health care reform, written an article for the Albany Times, provided technical assistance to a church where a staff member was arrested for child sexual abuse, and created a plan for an international meeting on maternal health and family planning. The ministry must survive -- indeed, it is more critical than ever.

Donations to TUCW on behalf of the Religious Institute are fully tax-deductible to the extent allowed by law. Donations can be sent to the Religious Institute at 21 Charles Street, Suite 140, Westport, CT 06880, or can be made online at www.religiousinstitute.org/donate

A seven year old boy sent $1.45. One of my friends sent $10,000. Your $25, 50, 100 to $1000 will make the most vital difference. If you have ever thought about supporting our ministry, now is the time. Tell your friends who have resources that you are committed to helping raise a progressive religious voice in the world and ask them to help.

And most of all, please pray for us. God is with us in this struggle. God and love will get us through this. Thank you for whatever you can do.

Rev. Debra W. Haffner
www.religiousinstitute.org

I am in disbelief that contraception has become a political football this electoral season.

Today, I am proud to report that the landscape at U.S. seminaries, divinity and rabbinical schools is shifting towards increased sexuality education. The Religious Institute announced this morning that twenty seminaries now meet a majority of the criteria for a sexually healthy and responsible seminary, or twice what we found in 2009 in our original "Sex and the Seminary" report.

During the past three years, the Religious Institute has partnered with these seminaries to ensure that tomorrow’s clergy are prepared to minister to their congregants, and to be effective advocates for sexual health and justice. These twenty seminaries now provide coursework on sexuality, policies that support sexual health, a commitment to an environment safe from harassment and abuse, and leadership that is committed to activism on sexuality issues. We have designated these twenty institutions as Sexually Healthy and Responsible Seminaries.

The twenty seminaries represent 9 denominational schools and several inter/nondenominational schools in 12 states.

Some of the improvements in the past two years include the following:

• Brite Divinity School, a Disciples of Christ seminary in Fort Worth, Texas now offers a full-semester course on sexuality and pastoral care issues; has revised their community inclusion statement to be inclusive of sex, gender identity, and orientation; and requires all field education supervisors, students, and lay committees to address sexuality-related training needs. Additionally, Brite has developed a model for seminary-wide conversations on lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) ordination within Christian denominations.

• The Jewish Theological Seminary developed two full-semester courses on sexuality issues, and now requires at least one full-semester sexuality-related course as well as clergy sexual misconduct training for all rabbinical students prior to graduation. Going forward, almost all Conservative rabbis in the U.S. will have at least one full course on sexuality issues, including education on sexual orientation and gender identity, as well as professional sexual misconduct training—all as a direct result of this project.

• Union Theological Seminary dedicated its alumni days to “Sex and the Church,” instituted a required sexual misconduct class, and greatly increased its curricular offerings on sexuality issues.

• Yale Divinity School now requires students take at least one of sexuality-related course prior to graduation. Yale also revised their Master’s of Divinity required ministerial misconduct workshop to include broader sexuality topics, including LGBT issues and sexual health.

These changes come at the same time that denominations have begun to require that their ministerial candidates demonstrate competencies in sexual health and sexuality education, and to take sexual misconduct prevention classes. The Unitarian Universalist Association and the Metropolitan Community Churches now require all of their ministers to be prepared to address congregations’ sexuality issues. Other denominations, including The United Methodist Church, are currently preparing stronger requirements on sexual ethics and misconduct prevention.

These changes are occurring amid a backdrop of denomination struggles around the full inclusion of gay and lesbian persons and the increasing recognition that clergy sexual misconduct is far wider than just the Roman Catholic Church. Today’s clergy are faced with ever-complex sexuality issues, ranging from congregant online affairs to welcoming transgender people. The sexuality issues that clergy must sort out over the course of ministry aren’t going to go away. As more sexually healthy and responsible clergy successfully meet these challenges, it is my heartfelt desire that we continue building on this progress, moving towards a time when all seminaries meet these criteria.

Happy New Year to you all.

Here are my top 10 predictions on sexuality, religion, and public life for 2012. Tell me what you think!

10. The Republican candidate for President will run on an unambiguous anti-choice platform.
Regardless of who the candidate is, this isn't too much of a stretch. All of the candidates in the Republican race are anti-choice; the only question is HOW anti-choice the candidate will be. Rick Santorum, who came in second in the Iowa Caucuses, even would be willing to let availability of contraception become a state issue.

9. The White House will disappoint pro-choice supporters, again. We will see a return to more pronouncements about reducing the numbers of abortions rather than the NEED for abortion.
Despite assurances from the White House that they are pro-choice, in 2011, the Secretary of DHHS stopped Plan B from being available without a prescription to adolescents and access to abortion was stripped from health care reform. The White House will continue to reach out to conservative voters by not standing strong on access to abortion services.

8. The Republican candidate for President will be anti-full equality for LGBT persons and will speak out against same sex marriage. See my comments under #10. It is only a matter of degree.

7. The President will NOT support same sex marriage in 2012. Despite being the most pro-lgbt President in history, the President in courting conservative voters will not speak out for marriage equality -- despite what I believe must be his support in his heart.

6. Several major political and/or religious figures will be involved in extramarital sex that will be exposed publicly. In 2011, we learned about Anthony Weiner and Herman Cain and more than we cared to about John Edward's bad decisions and actions. It will keep happening in 2012.

5. Child sexual abuse in faith communities, universities, and schools will continue to be exposed -- and continue to happen. Despite -- or maybe because of - - the national teachable moment on Penn State, more allegations of child sexual abuse by people in authority will be revealed. I hope that more attention will be paid to child sexual abuse PREVENTION in 2012.

4. The issue of full inclusion of lesbian and gays will continue to be debated in mainstream denominations, and The United Methodist Church General Assembly will be focused on this issue. I fear that once again The United Methodist Church will narrowly defeat changing its position on homosexuality to one of greater inclusion and welcome.

3. Marriage equality will continue to move forward in 2012. The American electorate will continue to support marriage equality in increasing numbers. Washington State will pass marriage equality, following yesterday's support by its governor. Attempts to roll back marriage equality will not be successful.

2. The teenage birth rate, which reached its lowest level in 2011 in 70 years, will continue to decrease. Teenagers will continue to act more responsibly about their sexuality, as they have increasingly done in the past decade.

1. Progressive religious voices that support sexual justice will continue to grow in the public debate. More and more religious leaders will speak out for sexual health, sexuality education, and full inclusion of women and LGBT people in 2012 -- at least if the Religious Institute has anything to do about it. More seminaries will meet the criteria of a sexually healthy seminary, more denominations will require sexuality education of their clergy candidates, and more congregations will address sexual health. Stay tuned for progress on this one.

Happy New Year!!

On Christmas Eve this year, I offered a homily on Jesus at the Unitarian Church in Westport. That might not be unusual in most churches on Christmas Eve, but it's the first time, I've devoted a sermon to exploring who Jesus might be to Unitarian Universalists, who Jesus is to me, a Jewish Unitarian Universalist minister.

On this 10th day of Christmas, I offer excerpts of it here to you:

The most frequent question I am asked after I give the elevator speech on Unitarian Universalism, is “Do Unitarians celebrate Xmas?” When I answer “yes”, the next question often is “why would Unitarians celebrate the birth of Jesus?”

Or, do we celebrating the birth of Jesus? After all, most of us reject the ideas that we’ve been reading and singing about tonight – agreeing with the historical view of the Jesus Seminar, that “Jesus was not born of a virgin, not born of David’s lineage, not born in Bethlehem, that there was no stable, no shepherds, no star, no Magi, no massacre of the infants, and no flight into Egypt.” We also know that December 25th is an arbitrary date for Jesus’ birth, chosen some time in the fourth century.

So what are we doing here? For those of you from Christian backgrounds, the answer may be rooted in your family traditions and memories of past Christmases. Many of us love the Christmas traditions, the carols, the tree, the lights, and yes, church on Christmas Eve. For some of us from non-Christian backgrounds, including those of us who earlier tonight may have celebrated Chanukah in our homes, it may be the chance to share in what is now largely an American holiday, or to acknowledge that our more recently adopted Unitarian Universalist identity is rooted in Jewish and Christian tradition. Most of us are also here to celebrate the magic we make here on this night with its bells, candles, songs, family, and our beloved community.

But, I’d like to think that for many of us it does have to do with Jesus…not the Christ, but Jesus the mystic, rabbi, teacher, prophet and exemplar.

Now I didn’t know much about Jesus growing up. I’ve told you about how in second grade, bullied by my Catholic classmates into learning the catechism, I went home and asked my parents, “how come you haven’t told me about the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost?” I remember being called a “Christ killer” by a fellow third grader and being completely confused. I remember being puzzled by the flowing haired picture of Jesus in some of my friend’s living room – a picture that was referred to in seminary as the Breck boy Jesus – often next to pictures of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. “Jesus Christ” was also a swear word used in my home; when a grown up was really upset, they might even say, “Jesus Christ Almighty.” The irony of my parent’s using that as an expletive with no context was lost on them and me.

I frankly wasn’t interested and when I think back about it, surprisingly uncurious about who this Jesus was and why he was important to so many. I didn’t really learn about Jesus until I started divinity school in 1996, when a professor suggested that I read the New Testament before I began his course in Christology. He suggested that I read it like I was reading it for the first time; the reality was that I was! Growing up I’m quite certain my Jewish parents would have preferred finding pornography in my room rather than a New Testament.

I liked much of what I read about Jesus in the New Testament – Jesus who stood up to the oppressors of his time, Jesus who told wonderful stories, Jesus who welcomed everyone and said to “carry one another’s burdens” to fulfill his law and to “love one another just as I have loved you.” When I discovered the work of the Jesus Seminar, a group of theologians and historians who are trying to separate the historical Jesus from the myth, I liked their portrait of Jesus as a revolutionary and humanitarian even more. I remember saying to a Bishop friend of mine, “I think I would have followed Jesus in the original.”

Right after my first semester at divinity school, I was attending a conference that included many evangelical leaders. About 30 people were part of a group discussion on religion and politics in everyday life. Millard Fuller, the President of Habitat for Humanity, was there, and at one point in the discussion, he said:

“I really pray for my Jewish friends. Even though they are good people, I know they are all going to go to hell.”

I was stunned. How could this man who was doing so much good in the world state something so anti-Semitic so boldly? The conversation moved on, but my blood ringing in my ears, I just had to say something. I raised my hand.

“Mr. Fuller, I am just beginning seminary and I am really enjoying learning about your Jesus. But as a person from a Jewish background, when I hear comments like your’s, it makes me want to have nothing to do with the practice of a religion that excludes people like me.”

Hushed silence, like in the old E.F. Hutton commercials. Finally, Rev. Tony Campolo, a leading evangelical theologian, spoke up. He said something like, “You know, Millard she’s right. Remember what Jesus says in Matthew 25 about who will get into the kingdom of heaven: that all will get in who gave me food when I was hungry, drink when I was thirsty, welcomed me when I was a stranger, gave me clothing when I was naked, took care of me when I was sick, and visited me when I was in prison. They answered him, “Lord when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food or thirsty and gave you something to drink.” And Jesus responds, “Truly I tell you, just as you did to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.” And Tony looked at me and then at Mr. Fuller and said, “I don’t think you need to worry about your Jewish friends.”

It was indeed a Christian moment, in the way that I have to come to understand and love what Jesus stands for. . Loving your neighbor as yourself. Radical hospitality and radical inclusion of all. Speaking truth to power. Taking care of those who are less fortunate. Working together to heal a broken world.

And I believe it is that Jesus we celebrate as Unitarian Universalists on Christmas Eve and that fifteen years into my ministry, I still want to know more about. May we be blessed to follow Jesus’ example and love one another. May together we bless the world. Blessings to you this holiday season. Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas.

And may I add, Happy New Year. All blessings for a healthy, peaceful 2012.

Tonight is the first night of Chanukah.

I have to admit that each year I have to remind myself of the details of the historical story. It's more complicated than the nativity story, but just as compelling.

So here it is from last year's blog:

In 167 b.c.e., a Greek leader named Antiochus attempted to institute a Greek state religion. He ordered the takeover of the temple in Jerusalem, had a statute of Zeus built on its altar, and called for ritual sacrifice there and in other Jewish temples throughout the countryside. Mattathias killed the first Jew who came forward to offer a sacrifice as well as a state official, and he and his five sons were forced to escape to the hills. Together, they organized first a small band of rebels to resist Antiochus, which grew to a 6000 person army that retook Jerusalem and the Temple.

Three years from the day that Zeus was erected, the 25th of Kislav, Judas Maccabeus and his followers rededicated and purified the Temple in an 8 day celebration. Chanukah has been celebrated more or less continuously for 2,176 years.

According to a very short passage in the Talmud, the Maccabees came into the temple and after purifying it, went to relight the eternal flame. They only had enough oil for one day. Pressing new oil from the olive trees would take another week. Miraculously the oil lasted for the entire eight days.

The Rabbis who wrote the Talmud transformed this historic military battle into a story of God’s miracle and grace to the Jewish people. They moved it from a story based on the facts to a story based on the universal need for faith and hope and redemption. The oil lasting 8 days is a truth story, and most likely not a true story.

Chanukah is a holiday then about religious freedom, diversity, and hope. It's also a reminder that to paraphrase Margaret Mead's famous words, a small group of people can change the world; in fact, it's the only way that happens. As we light the first candles tonight, let us praise the heroes, those who stand up to oppression, and let us rekindle hope in our hearts for everyday miracles.

Happy Chanukah!

A new report from the Centers for Disease Control released yesterday found that one in five women report they have been the victim of sexual assault, more than half when they were teenagers.

I'm one of those women.

I was a victim of date rape once at college and once in my early twenties. Except at the time there wasn't a term for "date rape" -- it was more understood as "that's what you get if you are alone with a man in a bedroom." I reported neither. In today's world, I would have reported both.

I'd like to think that in today's world they wouldn't happen -- that young men know that "no means no" and that in the second situation, I would have screamed and fought back sooner.

But the story coming out of the University of Vermont indicates that things may not have changed as much as we'd like to think. A fraternity there did a poll last weekend asking, "who would you like to rape?" Not, who would you like to go out with, get to know, even have sex with, but RAPE. My heart chilled as I read that story.

The young men there have been censured and said it was just a joke. But, rape is never a joke. Just ask one in five women you know.

I've written similar blogs before on public figures who find themselves mired in public revelations of their sexual behaviors and relationships.

The list of "men behaving badly" seems almost endless and of both party affiliations, conservative and progressive, straight and gay. It also goes back in time and to the Bible -- just reread David and Bathsheba's story.

The latest allegations that Herman Cain had a thirteen year affair that he ended just as he entered the Presidential race certainly seem plausible to me. Men don't generally make 4:30 am phone calls to women they barely know. More will be revealed.

RH Reality Check asked me to comment, so I dusted off my "Sex Education for Politicians" article (first published here on Eliot Spitzer) and updated it. You can read it here:

http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/article/2011/11/29/sex-education-for-politicians-%E2%80%93-herman-cain-edition

It would be great for you to comment there or re post it. Maybe even send it to a public figure you know.

Dear friends:

I wanted to share this link with you to the piece I wrote for today's Washington Post.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/on-faith/post/what-weve-learned-from-penn-state/2011/11/22/gIQAtPcKmN_blog.html

It's more about what I think we've learned from the sex abuse scandals at Penn State and now Syracuse University -- as well as abuse by clergy.

But, today is also an opportunity to share my gratitude with you -- for your support, your ideas, your feedback, and your interest in all things sexuality and religion.

May this Thanksgiving you feel gratitude in your heart and in your soul.

May you feel loved and may you love.

May you take the time to share your gratitude with those who ennoble your life.

May it be a day of peace and blessings.

I am grateful for you.

The high profile Penn State case of associate football coach Jerry Sandusky abusing children in his care over a ten year period should be shocking, but sounds all too familiar to those of us who work on sexual abuse prevention. Children are primarily abused by adults who know them well; people who abuse children look for opportunities to be with children and groom them as trusted adults getting to know them, as Sandusky did at his center; too many times other adults look the other way.

What is shocking though is to think that when reported, officials perhaps all the way up to Coach Patierno and even perhaps the President looked the other way rather than hurt the football program. I hope that isn't true, but it certainly reminds us of the Roman Catholic Bishops and Cardinals who did just that when faced with allegations against priests.

So, what does this remind us to do? First, to report any adult we suspect of child abuse.

And second, to use this as a teachable moment to 'abuse-proof' your children. Make sure that the programs your children attend -- scouts, soccer, school, church or synagogue -- have a strong policy on keeping children safe, including screening and background checks for volunteers and employees and never being alone with children. Make sure that your child knows that most people would never hurt children, but that an older, bigger, stronger person should never touch a child's genitals. Make sure your child knows that adults don't ask children to be their friends or keep secrets, and that if someone makes them feel bad, funny, or uncomfortable with their touch or their words, they should tell you. Tell them that their body is wonderful, it belongs to them, and that they can say no to unwanted touch. And finally, tell them to come and tell you if someone does touch them. You may not be able to prevent the first case of abuse, but if your child is equipped with language and this information, you can prevent the second.

It's been a week of teachable moments in the news, with Herman Cain and Penn State. I hope you are using them.

(For more ideas on preventing sexual abuse of children, you might want to read my books "From Diapers to Dating" or "What Every 21st Century Parent Needs to Know."

As I listened to NPR this morning, I heard a report that Herman Cain said he was having a hard time remembering the details of the accusations (and settling) of sexual harassment charges. A male respondent I heard on CNN had said something like, "that happened twenty years ago; why is it even an issue now?"

I felt my blood boil. I was a victim of sexual harassment by a faculty member in 1976. I remember every minute of it, including having a professor hand me a room key, and finding the note on the door when I next came to my TA job, "your services are no longer needed." I also remember the woman faculty member who I went to saying, "It happens to women; we'll find you another TA job."

I remember exactly how I felt watching Anita Hill testify against Clarence Thomas, and how every detail of my own experience came flooding back. I remember how I felt when there was finally a federal law and definition of sexual harassment, so that future generations of women wouldn't experience what I had.

This week, I did the first required training ever for the staff of a national religious denomination on sexual harassment. Sexual harassment, because of the law, may no longer be as blatant as it was when a faculty member fired me for not having sex with him. But it still exists; workplaces including faith based organizations still need training on sexual harassment prevention; and women and men need to know that they can come forward and be taken seriously.

I'm hoping that Mr. Cain learns that lesson this week.

On Saturday, I returned from a vacation to Kenya. My first visit to Africa was unforgettable, the game parks were lovely and the safari rides thrilling. But, I am haunted by the images of the cities, villages, and reservations we passed through on our way to the game parks.

Like many tourists, we visited a Masai village. We sat in a mud and cow dung constructed hut, little bigger than the office I am writing in now, that housed 10 people in two beds. We watched mothers nursing newborn babies, covered with flies. We were told about teenagers, both boys and girls, going through circumcisions and women having babies attended only by their mothers-in-law. When I asked, I was told that “only” about one in ten women in the village die in childbirth. The cities outside of Nairobi we drove through on barely passable roads were filled with children begging when our 4 by 4 vehicles stopped for traffic, with corrugated aluminum tiny homes dotting the roads.

These so-called optional tourist excursions broke my heart and brought home the reality of the need to address poverty, maternal mortality, and access to family planning. It provided me with a renewed commitment to the Religious Institute’s Rachel Sabbath Initiative to engage religious leaders and faith communities in working for U.S. support to reach the Millennium Goals worldwide.

I know that Kenya is not the poorest country in Africa, and compared with its neighbors, it is relatively peaceful. But, still, one in 38 Kenyan women will die in childbirth, 26% of women will marry before adulthood, and female genital mutilation is still widely practiced.
The average woman in Kenya has six children, while her desired family size is four, although in the Masai village I visited fertility was much higher -- yet this marks substantial progress from an estimated 8.1 children per woman in the late 1960s). Fewer than half of Kenyan couples use contraceptives (46%), although that marks a significant increase compared to the 39 per cent reported in a 2003 study. According to the CIA World Factbook, the urban population in Kenya is “growing at an alarming rate as many Kenyans migrate from their rural homes to urban centers,” which has led to a scarcity of jobs and opportunities.

World population growth stops being an abstract idea when confronted with individuals and whole communities suffering without enough food, shelter, sanitation, health care, and economic opportunities. At the end of this month, the world's population will reach 7 billion. It was 4 billion when I first started working thirty five years ago.

The Bible calls us to be stewards of the earth and caretakers of our neighbors. I hope you’ll join us in rededicating ourselves to living out our faith through renewed action on behalf of all the people of the world.

This morning, for the second year in the row, the Religious Institute, is calling on the nation’s clergy to speak out in support of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth at services near National Coming Out Day, which is October 11th. The recent suicide of Jamey Rodemeyer, a 14 year old gay youth who in the spring made his own It Gets Better video, demonstrates the sad urgency of this call to action, which remains as necessary as it was in the wake of multiple teen suicides in September 2010.

All of us have teens and young adults who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender in our congregations, many who are suffering in silence and are at risk. One study found that 14% of teens in religious communities identify as something other than heterosexual. Almost nine in ten of them have not been open about their sexuality with clergy or other adult leaders in their faith communities.

Studies show that almost six in ten clergy from mainline denominations support the full inclusion and acceptance of LGBT persons, yet other studies have found that eight in ten of even the most progressive clergy don't have programs in their congregations to support LGBT youth.

We have known for more than thirty years that at least one third of all suicides to teens are to gay youth. Our young people are dying because we are not speaking out for them. Ask yourself honestly, do the LGBT youth in your faith community know that you welcome and support them? What have you done to make sure that these youth know they are loved and supported, to demonstrate that you understand that they, too, are God's children?

The Religious Institute has created new worship resources in support of National Coming Out Day. They include a responsive reading, prayers, a collect, a prayer litany and more, available at www.religiousinstitute.org/lgbtqworship.

Can you work with your local rabbi, minister, imam, or lay leaders to speak out for LGBT youth in the next few weeks? In this case, silence can equal death. Please help.

As a Jewish Unitarian Universalist, my family (and my congregation) observe the major Jewish and Christian holidays. Tonight is Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. My extended family will gather to eat and share and laugh, and to hope together for the year to come. Some of us will gladly put down some of the challenges we have faced in the past twelve months and look to the future. We have people who have passed who we will mourn and joys to celebrate.

This is the prayer I will offer, that I wish for you as well.

The Days of Awe begin with us tonight.

May the next ten days be days of reflection, introspection, and peace.

May we prepare ourselves for the changes in the year to come.

May it be a good year.

May it be a healthy year for all of us.

May we have the strength to face the challenges that are sure to come this year, like every year.

May we have compassion and patience, for ourselves and for each other.

May it be a year of peace for all of us, in our homes, in our communities, all around the globe.

May it be a year of peace within ourselves.

May we live our lives with integrity, service, and love.

May we be blessed with the strength of community, of our families, of our friends.

May we remember what it truly important in life.

May we remember to be grateful every day.

May we all be inscribed another year in the Book of Life.

La Shana Tova!

The "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" heterosexist unjust law is history as of yesterday morning. Today, service people everywhere who are gay or lesbian or bisexual can affirm their sexual orientation publicly without reprisal. People dismissed from the military because of their sexual orientation can reapply. People can come out to their colleagues, friends, and family members.

I've known several gay and lesbian members of the military. Some put pictures on their desks of people of the opposite sex to represent their girlfriend of boyfriend back home. Some went to significant events including their own promotions without their partners. One went so far as to marry a person of the opposite sex to guarantee that her female partner would be guaranteed her survivor benefits if she died overseas through a complicated legal arrangement with her legal husband.

I remember when President Clinton signed "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" as a compromise measure and how angry both the gay and lesbian community and the sexologist community felt. To mandate people denying their God-given gift of sexuality to others was just wrong.

And now, it's over.

I saw this YouTube video of a soldier calling his father to tell him he was gay this morning:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVAgz6iyK6A&feature=aso

He plaintively asked several times, "Do you still love me, Dad?" Dad, thankfully, answers quickly and strongly, "I still love you." It's the only answer we should ever give our children. It's the answer that we should give everyone as we celebrate sexual and gender diversity.

I'm often asked by people why I believe that belonging to a faith community is important. Sometimes people say something like, "I can pray at home alone." Some people say, "I have a book group, I don't need a faith community."

Those discussions came to mind this morning when I watched the Today show piece on the emerging 9/11 memorial in advance of the 10th anniversary this Sunday. I found myself teary as they unveiled the memorial and the new building that is emerging.

And like I'm sure most of us who remember that day, I was brought back to that beautiful blue crisp morning, a morning with weather not unlike today. I was still a seminary student, driving to a UU minister's meeting, when I heard the first news. By the time I got there at 9 a.m., the first tower had fallen. We sat together in stunned silence around a radio at that church, one of the ministers, Rev. David Bryce led us in a very short worship service, and we all knew we had to go directly to our own congregations and wait for what was to emerge.

We learned fairly quickly that two of our congregants -- brothers -- had been killed in the towers, and our senior minister, Rev. Frank Hall, went directly to their parents' home. My close friend Rev. Barbara Fast, then our associate minister, and I knew we had to do something but we didn't know what. We send out an announcement that the church would be open that evening, and that we would offer an opportunity for people to gather for as long as they wanted and needed. We closed the doors at midnight after dozens of people came in and out. We didn't know what to do or say, but we knew that we needed to be together, in community, at this tragic time. It is an evening I will never forget.

And that's really the answer to the first question above...that we need each other, that a faith community provides a place where we can search together for our own answers to the big questions and to the joys and tragedies of life.

So, I am glad that the 10th anniversary is also our church homecoming service this year. We will gather together again on our front lawn, greet each other, and process into our beautiful sanctuary. And there, we will celebrate our homecoming and pay tribute to 9/11, and we will do it together, in community.

We all remember the uproar about the Octomom and her eight children conceived by ARTs.

I couldn't help but think about the vast difference between her and the man who was reported in the news today to have fathered more than 150 offspring.

A few years ago, the Religious Institute published an "Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Assisted Reproductive Technologies" which recognized that "the broad spectrum of assisted reproductive technologies calls for deeply personal and complex moral decisions that are unprecedented in human history." Although the letter does not address the number of sperm or egg donations, it does raise the issues of the impact of ARTs on families and children, including advocating for regulations to safeguard health (both physical and emotional) and prevent negative outcomes.

I can't help but think that the children of this man on discovering their more than 150 plus half siblings won't be affected, and that religious leaders and theologians need to be part of considering what the limits should be.

What do you think?

The Religious Institute co-founder and current Advisory Committee member, Rev. Dr. Larry Greenfield, shared with me this piece he wrote for Protestants on the Common Good, on the current attacks on women's health services. I liked it so much that I asked him if I could share it with you:

“Re-introducing Corporal Punishment”

As I approach my seventieth birthday, I’m spending more time remembering how fortunate I was to have been raised in a loving family, where, as an only child, I was treated as something special.

For health reasons, my mother was explicitly told not to risk what would likely be another unsuccessful pregnancy. But throwing caution to the wind, and desperately wanting to have a child of their own, mom and dad gave it one more try.

My birth was treated, literally, as a gift from God.

Well, almost all the time. The exceptions, of course, had to do with those occasions in which I seriously misbehaved – that is, those times when I caused my parents to question whether the divine gift had a good bit of the devil’s contribution in the mix.

When that happened – and it had to be a very serious offense to cause this particular punishment – the razor strap came out (my dad was a barber at a time when facial shaves were a regular feature of his trade) and I was given a truly stinging whipping.

That corporal punishment I still see, all these years later, as an exception, a deviation from, my parents’ love. Even then I recognized that their anger against me caused them to draw on the worst parts of their otherwise compassionate and caring personalities. (And I can only hope that my own children recognize that when I inflicted corporal punishment on them, it was a similar departure from who I was as the father who loved them.)

I have the sense that my parents, at that time, weren’t exceptional in reverting to corporal punishment when angry with a child’s behavior. As far as I can tell, it was the norm.

But that started changing when more and more parents over time heard about, read, and took to heart what Dr. Benjamin Spock proposed in his book “Baby and Child Care” (1946) and other writings: be verbal not physical in disciplining the child, and all within the context of expressing love, even if it had to be tough love.

Now twenty-nine countries outlaw corporal punishment in the home, twenty-two of them in Europe. In the United States it remains legal, but here too there are limits to what is acceptable physical punishment.

I can see that transformation operating in the way my own grandchildren are being raised.

It has taken decades to achieve, but even here in the U.S. we’ve changed.

Or have we? Might it be that we’ve only changed the way we administer the corporal punishment?

Charles Blow, columnist for the New York Times, recently (8/27/11) made that case in a “striking” (but non-corporal) way.

He referred to a Guttmacher Institute report that indicated unintended pregnancies have increased 50% since 1994, yet politicians are passing laws to restrict abortion at a record pace: 80 this year, compared to 23 in 2010 – more than three times as many so far this year compared to all of last year.

What has this got to do with corporal punishment, when supposedly it is the mother (almost never the father) that is being punished for her sexual behavior? Mr. Blow answers: “Even if you follow a primitive religious concept of punishment for sex, as many on the right seem to do, you must at some point acknowledge that it is the child, not the parent, who will be punished most by our current policies that increasingly advocate for “unborn children” but fall silent for those outside the womb.”

(While Mr. Blow doesn’t mention it, there is an irony that some of the anti-choice legislation includes the de-funding of Planned Parenthood, which often provides the contraceptive education and resources that reduces the number unplanned pregnancies, and thereby ultimately diminishes the likelihood of neglect and abuse of unintended children.)

But it isn’t just in the area of sexuality where we’ve found new ways of inflicting physical harm on children. Mr. Blow also quotes from a new report of the Annie E. Casey Foundation: “the official child poverty rate, which is a conservative measure of economic hardship, increased 18 percent between 2000 – 2009.” (Remember that many years in that decade were considered periods of abundance.)

And if that weren’t enough, Mr. Blow draws from a U.S. Department of Agriculture study that “the number of children facing food insecurity in 2009 soared to nearly one in four.” Then there is also an ABC News report that “49 percent of all children born in this [United States] country are born to families who receive food supplements from the federal Women, Infants and Children assistance program.”

What is the consequence of that kind of malnutrition brought on by child poverty and child hunger? What is the corporal punishment that is being inflicted?

Delayed growth and motor development. Lower I.Q.’s. Severe behavior problems. Attention deficit hyperactivity. Deficient learning capacities. Lower educational achievement. The list goes on and on.

All that punishment inflicted against children for the sin of being born into families guilty of being poor.

Members of the Republican party, as well as many Democrats and Independents, express what seems to be genuine concern about the national debt that today’s children will have to bear as adults. But in their 2012 budget proposal the Republicans, in particular, want to reduce spending for nutritional programs. Mr. Blow comments: “They want to hold the line on tax breaks for the wealthy, not paying attention to the fact that our growing income inequality, which could be reversed, continues to foster developmental inequality [among children], which is almost impossible to reverse.”

Since in this country we don’t have laws condemning the old forms of parental corporal punishment, there’s probably no chance of passing legislation that would assign some form of appropriate punishment to politicians and members of society-at-large who engage in this kind of neglect and abuse of our nation’s children.

But couldn’t those of us in the Christian community at least take guidance from the procedure Jesus recommended to his church when one member sinned against another? He instructed (see Matthew 18: 15-17) that if one fails to get the attention and confession of the offender in a face-to-face meeting, the circle of witnesses ought to be widened, and, failing that, the offense ought to be brought to the whole community for judgment and then, finally, punishment.

That punishment apparently was exclusion from the community of faith. Maybe that’s what the church today needs to do with its child neglectors and abusers in public office.

And, of course, the electorate could do something similar when it’s time again to choose its leaders.

Like many ministers, I face an occupational hazard when I go to see movies, watch television, read a book. The stories so often form as future sermons in my mind, that I some times feel all entertainment should be a tax deduction.

But, last Friday night, a friend and I went to see Crazy. Stupid. Love, seeking a complete diversion and an opportunity to laugh.

And I did laugh -- as well as cringe at some of the sexual messages, especially the attitudes about casual sex and the lack of any visible signs of contraception or STD prevention, no less sexual negotiation or limit setting. But, it was the end of the movie that really upset me, in that it portrayed illegal adolescent behaviors.

I contacted my friend Nell Minow, who is the "Movie Mom" for Beliefnet.com as well as hundreds of radio stations around the country. (Read her at www.blog.beliefnet.com/moviemom

She encouraged me to write Steve Carell, the producer and star. I thought you might enjoy reading the letter I sent him. Even better, write him one yourself. I'll let you know if I receive an answer!

Mr. Steve Carell
Carousel Productions
4000 Warner Blvd
Bldg 144
Burbank, CA 91522

Dear Mr. Carell:

I am writing to you as a certified sexuality educator and an ordained Unitarian Universalist minister who is concerned that your new movie, “Crazy, Stupid, Love” models behaviors for teen and tween audiences that puts them at risk for legal action. I am the author of several books for parents on talking with their children and teens about sexuality, and I have worked with adolescents on responsible sexual behavior for many years.

There are several sexual messages in the movie that I disagree with, but I am most concerned about 17 year old Jessica giving 13 year old Robbie nude photos of herself that she took. It is illegal for anyone to create sexually explicit images of a minor, to possess such images, or to distribute them. Although it may seem nonsensical, several states have passed additional laws that make it illegal for teens to take and distribute such pictures of themselves to other teens. Indeed, because of their age differences, depending on the age of majority in the state, Jessica might also be charged and convicted as a sexual offender for exposing a minor to child pornography. In some states, she could face life in prison or have to register as a sex offender for life. Further, the gender of the characters reinforces a stereotype that teen boys cannot be victims of child sexual abuse, when in reality, a boy is most likely sexually victimized by a teenage girl.

These are fictional characters – but their actions may well be repeated by young people in your audiences. I know that your movie is out in general release, and I don’t know what can be done by Carousal Productions at this point to get out the message, “don’t’ try this at home”. But, I do know that PG-13 movies shouldn’t be modeling criminal behaviors as harmless or worse, acts of generosity.

I would welcome hearing a response from you. Please let me know if I can provide you with additional information.

Sincerely,

Rev. Dr. Debra Haffner

Yesterday, I performed a legal marriage ceremony in New York City for two 87 year old friends of mine who have been together as a couple for 56 years.

Six years ago, I led a ceremony for them celebrating their 50th anniversary. I promised them that I'd do all I could to help create the day that I would be able to do their legal wedding.

Yesterday was that day.

Kenneth, Peter, two witnesses, and I signed the marriage license in the middle of the ceremony. All of us present, including me, had tears in our eyes when I said, "By the power vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and husband, legally wed."

I blessed them in part with these words, "Peter and Kenneth, we all know that your holy union of two lives, two souls, two hearts is far greater than a legal union sanctioned by the state. But we are grateful that this day for equality has finally come. We are grateful for the blessings that brought us to this day, and ask for continued blessings on your home, your health, your companionship, your friendship. May we all hold these moments, this moment, in the blessed spirit of all that is holy."

May I invite you dear readers, along with those who were present with us yesterday, to bless them with your "Amen."

Last week, I wrote about the good news.

Today, I want to share with you this news about the new law in North Carolina, that is about the most draconian restrictions on women's right to choose abortion I can imagine.

I can't imagine what it would be like to be required to have and view an ultrasound of a fetus and listen to its heartbeat that I knew for my very own personal reasons would be a baby I would never know. And then have to receive state prescribed information and then being asked to wait to have the procedure for 24 hours.

This article says it will change some 27,000 women's minds who will go on to have babies that they had initially believed they were unprepared to raise. One wonders what North Carolina is prepared to do to support those children -- and those mothers -- after those births.


Here's what happened in North Carolina yesterday:

Women will get more information and face new restrictions before having an abortion in North Carolina after the state Senate passed the regulations into law Thursday over Democratic Gov. Beverly Perdue's veto.

The Republican-led Legislature completed its veto override when the Senate voted 29-19 to approve the bill requiring women to receive counseling and wait 24 hours before an abortion. The House agreed to the override earlier this week.

The only Republican who voted against the measure when it initially passed the Senate last month, Sen. Stan Bingham of Davidson County, did not vote on Thursday. With one other Republican missing this week, the GOP had just enough votes to override Perdue's veto.

Based on the impact of similar laws in other states, the restrictions would cut the more than 27,000 abortions and result in about 2,900 additional births per year, legislative fiscal analysts said. That will cost taxpayers about $7 million a year, mostly because nearly half of the births would be funded entirely or in part by Medicaid, the health program for the poor.

North Carolina had been one of 16 states that don't require specialized counseling before an abortion. Half of all states require counseling, then a waiting period.

The law prohibits an abortion unless a woman is provided with state-specified information about the physician at least 24 hours in advance. Women also would get information about the likely stage of development of the unborn child, the medical risks of having an abortion and giving birth, and the availability of abortion alternatives.

The new law also requires that an ultrasound be presented along with a chance to hear the fetal heartbeat. Women do have the choice to look away.

Majority Republicans said the measure is designed to give women more information about what happens in an abortion and who is providing it. Social conservatives praised the bill, which also requires a woman consider an offer to see the shape of the fetus and hear a heartbeat.

I've been teaching at Pacific School of Religion all week. It's been a wonderful class of fifteen diverse students, from 7 different faith traditions, ranging in age from 21 to 60. It's been a 20 hour intensive introduction to sexuality issues for religious professionals.

The apartment we've been living in doesn't have TV, so I'm a little behind on my daily news watching. But, it's been a remarkable week for sexual justice.

The Institute of Medicine just recommended in a new report that contraception be available at low cost or free as part of health care insurance plans. And it looks like DHHS will include it as a covered prescription medication.

Leon Panetta just announced tonight that he will announce the end of Don't Ask Don't Tell and that gay and lesbian people will be able to serve openly in the military.

And the President has announced his support for Senator Boxer's new act that will overturn the Defense of Marriage Act.

All of these are overdue, from this minister's perspective, and all are still far from the law of the land. Nevertheless, they indicate that despite the rhetoric of those on the right, the arc of the universe is indeed bending towards sexual justice.

Perhaps I should step away from the news more often.

My first job after college was at the Population Institute as a secretary. It was the summer of 1975. I remember writing a piece about how the world population had just hit 2 or maybe 3 billion.

In July 1987, the first World Population Day was celebrated -- the world's population was 5 billion.

Today, the world's population is 6,948,317,241.

It's expected to hit 7 billion on October 31, 2011.

It's hard to grasp that it has more than doubled since I began my working life in the sexual and reproductive health field.

Our understanding of population growth and the needs of the world's environment have grown exponentially since 1975. But some basic facts are still true: too many of the world's women don't have the contraceptive services they need and want to control the number of children they want to have. Too many women are denied basic civil rights, including the right to education and equal employment. The developed world still consumes far too many of the world's resources. The earth has limited ability to sustain uncontrolled population.

Genesis calls us to be stewards of the earth. There's still time for us to do more.

WWJD about lgbt people? Welcome them.

Five years ago, I presided over a 50th anniversary celebration of two men friends of mine in their New York City apartment. I promised them that one day soon I would be able to marry them legally. I prayed to myself that they would live long enough.

Last night, New York made history, as the Republican Senate voted 33 to 29 to approve marriage equality, and Governor Cuomo signed the bill almost immediately.

You all know I've been working for marriage equality for the past decade. I am celebrating with all my heart those who have done so much to bring about today. As I say in a press release you can read at www.religiousinstitute.org , I believe that New York will be the tipping point for marriage in this country.

My heart is full this morning, as indeed the arc of the universe bent one step closer to full inclusion for all.

Peter and Kenneth, name the date and time. I'm there.

Congressman Anthony Weinter joins the long line of men in public office who have risked their familieis and careers for sexual indiscretions. It's been a solid month of high profile men behaving badly, very badly: John Edwards, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dominique Strauss-Kahn.

There's not much new about this. There have been many heterosexual well known men who have potentially risked everything for a sexual encounter or thrill. Think Gary Hart, Marv Alpert, Bill Clinton, Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggert, Bill Cosby, Elliot Spitzer, Bill O'Reilly, and Mark Sanford. Mr. O'Reilly and Mr. Cosby continue on with their work and Mr. Spitzer got a TV show; others have not been so lucky. It remains to be seen what will happen to Mr. Weiner, although one has to wonder whether tweeting yourself in underwear or facebook chatting with women you don't know is really grounds for resignation. Surely though his vast abilities and his championship of many of the causes I hold dear are now severely compromised.

But these men have either forgotten or never learned some basic rules for sexually healthy adults. So here they are:

Honor your commitments to your partner. A sexually healthy marriage is based on honesty and trust; only you and your spouse know what you have agreed to, but don't put her in the position of having to stand by you at a microphone while you confess to the entire world. Keep that picture in your head as you are considering your behaviors. And, if you can't honor the commitments you've made, you're better off staying single.

Understand that you can have a sexual feeling without acting on it -- without even telling anyone about it. Think about it -- if Bill Clinton had thought to himself, "Cute Intern. Too Young, Too Risky" and moved on, he would not have been impeached. If your partner isn't interested in exploring a particular part of your eroticism with you, the safest thing is to explore it only in the confines of your mind. No one has ended up on the front pages because of a privately held fantasy.

Nothing, really nothing, is ever private between two people. Someone always tells someone. And the less the other person has to lose, the more likely they are to tell more people. In fact, unless it's your life partner, only have sex with someone who has as much to lose as you do. Sex workers don't. Neither do women or men in their twenties. And sexual bantering, sexting, tweeting, emailing and Facebook messaging are NEVER private. We tell our teens don't post anything you don't want your grandmother to see. To men in public office, don't post anything you don't want to see on the front page -- anywhere or ever.

Sexually healthy adults discriminate between sexual behaviors that are life enhancing -- for themselves and their partners - with those that could be destructive (of themselves or their partner(s). If there's a chance that the behavior could cost you your partner, career, reputation, just say no. Visiting a sex club, a sex worker, having sex with an employee, tweeting a sexual photo or sexting, soliciting someone in a public bathroom or park: chances are it's going to land you on the front page and you'll lose your job and probably your marriage. It's even worse if you've campaigned or worked against other people doing the same things. At least Congressman Weiner isn't for curtailing other people's sex lives while exploring the dark side of his, a la Vitter.

Remember that a moral sexual relationship is consensual, nonexploitative, honest, mutually pleasurable and protected. Does the relationship meet those criteria? Mr. Weiner says he never touched any of these women: I guess that makes them protected. I'm wondering though about the other four. If you can't answer yes to these, say no.

Always ask if the behavior consistent with your values, expressed and internal. If you're found out, will you be accused of hypocrisy? More importantly, can you live with yourself?

Of course, this ethic applies to all of us, not just people in political power. May we once again be reminded that sexuality is both sacred and powerful, and we need to honor its role in our lives.

This week is the 8th anniversary of my ordination to the Unitarian Universalist ministry.

Saturday, May 24th, 2003 was one of the most magical evenings of my life. Surrounded by family, friends, colleagues, and congregants, I felt a golden light descend from the highest point of the glass church roof and fill the congregation at the very moment that the members of the congregation said, "we pledge our continuing relationship and support in all aspects of your ministry. We welcome you and affirm your ministry."

I don't know if that golden light was my imagination...or the Holy Spirit...or just relief for this moment that I had worked so hard for for so many years. It doesn't matter...it was real to me.

As I read the program tonight, my eyes fill again with tears at the words, "We the members of the Unitarian Church in Westport hereby ordain you, Debra Wynne Haffner, to the ministry of Unitarian Universalism." It still feels awe-filled to me that God has brought me to this work and all the amazing moments of these past 8 years.

I answered them in words, that I recommit myself to again, this week on this anniversary:

"It is with joy and appreciation that I accept this ministry to which you ordain me. I will serve faithfully, with humility and courage, mindful of both the privileges and responsibilities this ministry brings."

Humility and courage...privilege and responsibility. Yes it requires both...yes it is both. And I am deeply grateful every day to be doing this work. Thanks be to God.

On Saturday, May 14, 2011, I received the Doctor of Public Service, h.c. from Widener University and was privileged to offer the Commencement Address. Here's what I said:

Good morning, President Harris, members of the Board of Trustees, faculty and staff, parents and family, and most of all to the 846 graduating students.

I am moved almost beyond words by having my life’s work recognized by this prestigious university. People have asked me how it is that Widener, a university in Pennsylvania, heard of my work to award me this honorary doctorate. I've told them that when it comes to graduate training in human sexuality, you are the premier university in the country. One of my most important teachers and mentors, the Rev. Dr. William Stayton was a co-developer of the program, which began at the University of Pennsylvania in 1977. When Penn decided to close the program in 1999, Dr. Stayton brought it to Widener. Under the leadership of President Harris, and the direction first of Dr. Stayton and now Dr. Betsy Crane, the human sexuality program has grown to be the most outstanding preparation for sexuality professionals in the country and I am intensely proud to now be among its degree holders. Thank you from the deepest part of me.

I am deeply honored to have been asked to be your commencement speaker. To be honest, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed about it, as your previous commencement speakers have included your Congressman, a former Surgeon General of the United States, and then Senator Joe Biden. I can imagine that some of the students and parents are thinking “who is Debra Haffner and why didn’t we get a famous person to speak?” My mother and children who are here today are probably wondering that as well!

It has been said that every minister and rabbi really only has one sermon in them, and that every sermon is merely a variation of that theme. If I had to describe mine, it would be in the title of the second sermon I ever gave, “Life is Not a Dress Rehearsal.” Regardless of your individual eschatology (a word that I learned in seminary that means your understanding of what’s to come after our time in THIS world ends), that regardless of our individual beliefs, this the one life we for sure know we have been given, and it is up to us to create it as fully as we can.

You all probably remember the fairy tales that you were read when you were little. They often involved a prince and a princess, who met, fell in love, got married, and …(lived happily ever after…) When I read those stories to my own children when they were little, I would change the ending: they met, fell in love, got married…and it was a lot of work.

I wish I could promise you happily ever after, but like marriage, life is both wonderful and a lot of work.

Some of you may remember the Billy Crystal 1991 movie, “City Slickers”, about the middle age men on go on a cattle drive for a vacation? Curley, the crusty owner of the Ranch says,
Curly: Do you know what the secret of life is?
[holds up one finger]
Curly: This.
Mitch: Your finger?
Curly: One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that….

So, I thought about just standing up today and saying, “just one thing” and sitting down. Dr. Harris told me that one of the most successful commencement addresses he ever heard was a young CEO of a company who stood up and said, “I was only a so so student at Widener. I graduated, started a company, made millions, retired at 35, and if I can do it, you can do it too” and sat down to a standing ovation.

For me, part of the “just one thing” is discovering your passion in life. Presbyterian minister Frederick Buechner defines finding your passion, your call in life as the intersection of discerning “where the world’s greatest need meets your greatest joy.” Sexuality education and now sexuality and ministry are my calling.

I could not have imagined how my life would have turned out at my own college graduation, 35 years ago this spring. I was on my way to an internship in Congress in DC, on my way to law school, and what I hoped would be a career as first an attorney and then as an elected politician. If someone would have told me that 35 years later, I would be a sexologist minister – I would have laughed. It would be a little like telling me that 30 years from now, I’d be an astronaut!

My career has taken me to the most amazing places: to the set of the Golden Girls with then Surgeon General Koop to talk about Hollywood and the AIDS epidemic, to a meeting with the House of Lords with all of them in robes and wigs to talk about abstinence, to debating Bill O’Reilly on national television about whether the word uterus would damage kindergartners, to Thailand for the Peace Council. I could never have imagined any of these.

It’s also been about the quiet moments of ministry: blessing a newborn baby, conducting weddings including several of same sex couples under the threat of arrest, to holding someone’s hand as they lay dying and being with their family after, to the glorious night 8 years ago when I was ordained to the Unitarian Universalist ministry.

The point is that you cannot possibly know today what life will evolve for you. I hope that each of you will find what you love and then find or create a way to make a living doing it. Oscar Wilde famously said, “Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.”

When I asked a young friend of mine graduating this spring for advice about today’s talk, she wrote me this on Facebook:
“Honestly, all of us are scared of the "real world". Just tell them we're all gonna be ok, and just to not let fear stand in the way of anything.” It reminded me of Julian of Norwich, the 14th century English mystic, who was the first woman to write a book in English. She wrote, "…All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well"…and indeed, I want you to know it will be.

I also want you to know that it is more important to be happy than it is to be successful, and that the most important parts of your life will take place not in your workplace but with the people you love and who love you back. I’ve heard the principles of Buddhism described with these four simple statements, that I try to use to guide my life:

Show up…Speak the truth….Do what you do with enthusiasm….Don’t get attached to the outcome.

Of course, the last is the hardest. It is especially at those moments of greatest change that we need to do the first three – show up, speak the truth, do what you do with enthusiasm -- and trust that the rest will work out. Graduation is one of those moments, but so is falling in love, changing jobs, moving away, thinking about retirement…Sometimes, we have to be willing to trust that all will be well.

But, we can help ourselves along the way. Some of you may know about the relatively new field of study called positive psychology. We now know that there is a genetic component to happiness. But the research also tells us that happiness in life is even more based on our daily choices and actions than genetics. People who are happier:

Exercise, spend time in nature, Do good deeds and serve others, take the time for daily reflection, through journaling or meditating, have a strong support network including family and friends, belong to a religious community, and express gratitude each day.

Meister Eckardt, a thirteenth century mystic, wrote,
“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough”.

Today is a day for immense gratitude. I hope that at the end of the ceremony, you will say thank you to your parents and other family members who did so much for you to reach this place of graduation, remembering for many of you, you are the first people in your family to graduate from college. I want to say thank you to my husband and children today for the sacrifices and support they have given me to make today possible for me. The only prayer we ever need is thank you.

I want to end with a story of a small village a long long time ago. In that village, like in every village a long time ago, there was a wise old woman, who the people in the town revered and who helped them with their problems and questions. The teenagers in that town, like teenagers ever since, doubted their elders and sought to discredit the wise old woman. The leader of the pack of teenagers came up with an idea.

“Let us go to the wise old woman with a bird in our hands. We will say to her, “Wise woman, is the bird in our hands dead or alive? If she says alive, we will crush the bird with our hands and show her the dead bird. If she says dead, we will open our hands, and the bird will fly away. “

And they climb the hill, go to the wise woman’s home, and knock on the door. She comes out, and the leader says to her, “Wise woman, if you are so wise, is the bird in my hand dead or alive?”

She looked at them for a long long time and was quiet, so quiet that the teenagers could barely stand still. And then she spoke, “The answer is in your hands.”

Find your passion, show up, speak the truth with enthusiasm, be open to the adventures life offers you. The answer is in your hands. May you choose wisely and well throughout your lives. Thank you again for honoring me, and blessings to each of you on this graduation day.

Last night, the Twin Cities presbytery passed the 87th vote that will allow the Presbyterian Church USA to ordain gay and lesbian clergy persons. It is a watershed moment in the history of the Presbyterian Church USA (PCUSA). Over the past months, presbyteries have been voting on whether to amend the denominations’ constitution, comprised of the Book of Order along with the Book of Confessions, (http://www.amendment10a.org/) to change the standards for ordination. Here is the new, replacement language:

Standards for ordained service reflect the church’s desire to submit joyfully to the Lordship of Jesus Christ in all aspects of life. The governing body responsible for ordination and/or installation shall examine each candidate’s calling, gifts, preparation, and suitability for the responsibilities of office. The examination shall include, but not be limited to, a determination of the candidate’s ability and commitment to fulfill all requirements as expressed in the constitutional questions for ordination and installation. Governing bodies shall be guided by Scripture and the confessions in applying standards to individual candidates.

The language is important, because it removed the following restrictions:

“Among these standards is the requirement to live either in fidelity within the covenant of marriage of a man and a woman, or chastity in singleness.”

“Persons refusing to repent of any self- acknowledged practice which the confessions call sin shall not be ordained and/or installed as deacons, elders, or ministers of the Word and Sacrament.”

In other words: All who are called to serve may now answer that calling, without regard to sexual orientation, sexual experience, or marital status.

Last night's vote bases the review of each candidate’s calling, gifts, preparation, and suitability for the responsibilities of ordination, rather than on sexual orientation or marital status.
With this vote, the PCUSA joins such denominations as the Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations, the United Church of Christ, and the Union for Reform Judaism, all of which removed restrictions to lesbian and gay people serving as clergy in the 1970s. They join the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America that did so for coupled gay and lesbian people in 2009, and the Episcopal Church, which elected their first openly gay bishop in 2003. They join the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches, a denomination with an official stance allowing non-celibate gays and lesbians to be ordained.

Loving, just communities embrace everyone; they are strengthened when all people are able to live fully and express their gender and sexuality with holiness and integrity. Faith communities benefit when they recognize the gifts of all people, without regard to sex, gender, age, bodily condition, marital status or sexual orientation. Step by step, our faith communities are moving towards sexual justice and welcoming all who are called to serve.

We joyfully celebrate with our colleagues in the Presbyterian Church who have worked so long and so hard for today. We hope that The United Methodist Church may soon follow their lead. There can be no turning back.

Yesterday, the U.S. House of Representatives passed the most restrictive federal abortion law yet,HR 3, “The No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act. As people of faith, we must speak out to assure that the Senate rejects its draconian measures.

According to the National Network of Abortion Funding:

"If enacted, this bill would have a devastating impact on millions of women and families. Every woman, whether she gets her health care through a safety-net program like Medicaid or private health insurance, deserves to make her own decision about whether and when to have a baby.


HR 3 would make permanent bans on federal funding of abortion, bans that Congress should eliminate in the interest of fairness and women’s health. “Every single day we talk to women who have been denied the ability to make their own decisions because of these bans on abortion coverage,” says Stephanie Poggi, Executive Director of the Network.


HR3 reinforces health disparities by withholding abortion care from low-income women, women of color, and immigrant women. Because of racial inequalities in the United States , women of color are more likely to use Medicaid for their health care, and bear the burden of funding bans.


In addition to permanently banning the use of federal funds in Medicaid and other federal health programs, the bill would deny once again “home rule” to the District of Columbia to use its own money to pay for abortion care for women in need, prohibit abortion coverage in the new health care exchanges set to launch by 2014, and drive up the cost of health insurance by denying tax credits to individuals and small businesses that purchase insurance plans that include abortion coverage. The bill shows complete disregard for a woman’s health by denying funding even when continuing a pregnancy could lead to paralysis or interfere with cancer treatment."

As a faith leader, I seek to create a world where abortion is safe, legal, rare, AND accessible. HR 3 will deny women the right to make their own moral decisions about their own personal circumstances. Nothing in HR 3 will promote moral decision-making or flourishing families. I pray the U.S. Senate and the President "just say no."

Today is Good Friday and the fourth day of Passover. As a Unitarian Universalist, I celebrate both.

I've been reading both Exodus and the Gospels this week, and I am moved by how much these stories are also about us. Who among us has not felt like we were in the wilderness or pleading with God when all feels overwhelming, "take this cup from me." We know how it feels to be lost, to be persecuted, to be betrayed, to be done with suffering. It's part of being human.

But, we also know and trust that renewal and indeed resurrection happens. From my window, I am watching the pink buds strain to open, the forsythia already in bloom. Spring is returning to the earth.

Our work at the Religious Institute is about helping alleviate the suffering that too many feel because the sacred gift of their sexuality has been denied, abused or exploited. But it's also about the hope of restored relationship. And yes, there are signs of change all around us. Just this week, for example, I learned that only seven more Presbyteries need to ratify the amendment that will allow gay and lesbians to be ordained in the PC-USA. Spring is coming.

A colleague forwarded me this beautiful piece on passion week and sexual injustice this morning. I found it breathtaking
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2011/04/17/a-sermon-for-passion-week Take a look.

May this Passover and Easter Season bless you with liberation and hope.

I watched CNN late last Friday, transfixed as news broke that the government shutdown had been averted and that forty policy riders had been dropped, including the amendment to ban Planned Parenthood affiliates across the country from receiving federal funds. I had just returned from a day in Washington with the Planned Parenthood Federation of America’s Clergy Advisory Board, including an interfaith breakfast attended by hundreds of Planned Parenthood supporters of faith. I had been stunned all week to think that the government shut down, in Senator Harry Reid’s words, might come down to the House leadership using the budget to attack women’s access to health care services or environmental protection.

Last week demonstrated what many of us already knew: the Tea Party is only the latest version of the religious right in new wineskins. Following the November 2010 elections, studies from both the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life and the Public Religion Research Institute found that “the Tea Party rank and file are not in fact secular libertarians, but are social conservatives largely drawn from the ranks of the Christian Right.”

I am angry: angry as a woman, as a mother, as a Planned Parenthood staff veteran, and as a member of the clergy. And like tens of thousands of people of faith across the country, I’m doing what I can to make my voice heard. Last week, the Religious Institute joined Planned Parenthood Federation of American, NARAL Pro-Choice America, and more than twenty other leading organizations to take part in the Stand Up For Women's Health Rally in front of the U.S. Capitol. We stood together to show our legislators that faith-based and sexual and reproductive health organizations support access for women and men to the health services they need to lead healthy and responsible lives. It is immoral to use family planning and reproductive health services—vital services that save women’s lives in the United States and abroad—as a bargaining chip in politicized budget debates.

In collaboration with colleagues from other faith-based organizations, we helped to develop the “Interfaith Statement Opposing Restrictions on Women’s Health Care Options” distributed to members of Congress and endorsed by organizations as diverse as the National Council of Jewish Women, the Episcopal Women’s Caucus, and Muslims for Progressive Values. As the Religious Institute’s Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Maternal Mortality and Reproductive Justice states, “The sacredness of human life is best upheld when women and men create human life intentionally and women are able to have healthy pregnancies and childbirths.” Publicly funded family planning services help women prevent STDs/HIV, provide cancer screenings, and offer access to contraception. In 2006, publicly funded family planning services helped women avoid 1.94 million unintended pregnancies, which would likely have resulted in about 860,000 unintended births and 810,000 abortions. According to the International Planned Parenthood Federation and the Guttmacher Institute, doubling current investments in family planning and pregnancy related care could save the lives of 400,000 women and 1.6 million infants each year. To put it bluntly, access to reproductive health services is a matter of life and death.

I am relieved that sanity prevailed in Washington, D.C. and that the President and many Congressional leaders refused to trade women’s access to gynecological services, pap smears, HIV testing, and, yes, birth control, for a budget agreement. However, I am angry that once again the District of Columbia will not be able to use its own funds to support abortion services. As more details about the budget cuts are released, they will most certainly hurt the most marginalized and vulnerable among us. I made a donation to the DC Abortion Fund on Monday morning, letting them know I was a faith leader.

Some time this week, the House and the Senate will vote on whether federal funds can support Planned Parenthood affiliates. The guess is that the vote to ban them from providing FAMILY PLANNING (not abortions as some news has incorrectly inferred) will fail. But your voices are needed, and I hope you've been in touch with your Congressperson to "JUST SAY NO TO PENCE."

These are the worst attacks on women's health that I've seen in my 30 plus years as an activist on these issues. The voices of people of faith who support women's sexual and reproductive rights must be heard.

"The Religious Declaration debuted as a full page ad in the New York Times in January 2000, surrounded by the names of 850 endorsers. Since that time, more than 3500 religious leaders from more than 50 faith traditions from every state and 12 countries have endorsed its message that faith communities must break the silence about sexuality and be truth seeking, courageous and just.

As might be expected, the religious right was not amused – indeed six months after it was published, Focus on the Family’s Citizen Magazine ran a cover story called, “Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing” about the Religious Declaration, with a side bar about my decision to go to seminary they titled, “The High Priestess of Immorality.”

Ten years ago, Rev. Dr. Larry Greenfield and I had lunch upstairs in the Refectory to talk about what we might do next with the Religious Declaration and its network of endorsers. We sketched out the goals of a new organization on a napkin – to grow and support this new network of religious leaders committed to sexual justice – to help faith communities, including congregations, seminaries, and denominations become sexually healthy and responsible communities – and to bring a progressive authentic religious voice on sexual justice into the public square. A fellow student came up and asked what we were doing so intently. We looked at each other and said, “Perhaps creating history.” I don’t think we could have imagined today.

It was a time to act and a time to build. Victor Hugo wrote centuries ago, “There is no greater power than an idea whose time has come.” The time for a new multifaith movement on sexuality and religion had come.

There has always been deep hunger for a greater understanding, a greater acceptance of the relationship of sexuality, spirituality, and faith. We need only think of the eroticism of the young unmarried couple in the Song of Songs, the voices of Julian and Jovinian resisting calls to celibacy, the ecstatic poetry of the saints, even Augustine’s plaintive cry in the Confessions, “Give me chastity, but not yet.”

It is a hunger that continues today. As a minister I know that many people of faith are seeking to understand how they can act morally and still embrace their sexuality. They want to be good and they want to be sexual. As a man in his thirties said to me with tears in his eyes last year, “I’ve been taught I can either embrace my sexuality or my religion. Not both. Can you help me?” A newly married 24 year old Southern Baptist asked me, “Rev. Debra, my whole life I was taught that sex was a sin. And now that I’m married, I’m supposed to forget all that and just enjoy myself. It’s killing me not to be able to do that with my husband.”

I know that many of us experience brokenness about our sexuality – a brokenness that is often suffered in silence in our faith communities. Some of us were sexually abused as children; some of us have been forced to have sex against our will; some of us struggle in abusive relationships; some of us struggle with how to improve sex and intimacy and some of us have given up on love and sex completely. We are so grateful to the seminaries and denominations who are working with us to assure that future religious leaders have the training they need to help with sexuality issues.

Unitarian Minister Theodore Parker first said, "The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." The past decade has seen more and more faith communities making a commitment to sexual health and justice. Ten years ago, no woman led a denomination; today at least five do. Ten years ago, only the Unitarian Universalist Association and the United Church of Christ had welcoming organizations promoting the full inclusion of lesbian and gay persons. Today, Jewish, Muslim, Roman Catholic, evangelical, and every mainline Protestant denomination have a welcoming organization. During the past decade, more and more denominations are ordaining openly gay and lesbian, and in some cases transgender, clergy persons, with the Presbyterian Church (USA) poised to become the latest this year.

A vivid display of change came in the mail this week. Have you seen the cover of this week’s Christian Century? Sex a Sacramental View is the cover headline. Even for the Christian Century, sex sells. The lead article proclaims the need for, “a rich, candid, ongoing ecclesial conversation about sex as both an earthly pleasure and a heavenly treasure, a feast and a gift, a delight and an honor and therefore a breathtaking responsibility.” It’s hard to imagine this cover story possible a decade ago.

Sexual justice issues are moral issues that demand a public progressive religious response. Our commitment to the most marginalized and our understanding that it is because life is so precious, we must do everything possible to make sure it is not created carelessly means that we must support contraception and sexuality education. Our commitment to the moral the moral agency of women means we must articulate that abortion is always a moral decision and that each woman must have the right to make that decision without government interference. Our theological commitment to the dignity and worth of all persons and our understanding that sexual and gender diversity is part of God’s blessing, means that we must stand up for full inclusion of GLBT persons. We must articulate that the sin is never sex but sexual exploitation. The sin is not homosexuality but homophobia and heterosexism. The sin is violence and discrimination against women and GLBT persons. The sin is when any of us, whether heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual, make sexual decisions that exploit others.

Today the Religious Institute enters its second decade with a renewed commitment to assuring that in the next decade, all faith communities will be sexually healthy, just, and prophetic. In a few minutes, we will ask you to join your voices and your hearts to affirm that you will stand with us as members of our Faithful Voices Network.

Robert Kennedy Jr. wrote (and I have changed his pronouns a bit!) "It is from …diverse acts of courage and belief that human history is shaped. Each time people stand up for an ideal, or act to improve the lot of others, or strike out against injustice, they send forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance."

Today, may we remind ourselves that we can be those ripples of hope. It is time to speak, time to act, time to build, time to rejoice, and time to recommit ourselves together to creating a world of sexual and spiritual wholeness and hope."

Last week, I invited you to send in your picture to be part of the Religious Institute's 10th anniversary celebration and the commissioning of the Faithful Voices Network. If you get us your picture by noon today (Tuesday, March 29th), we can still include you: www.religiousinstitute.org/pics But, we've also just arranged for you to watch the worship service live from your home or office. It starts at 12:00 p.m. EST, and will feature several members of the Religious Institute advisory board and the world premiere of a new hymn by Patrick Evans, commissioned just for the 10th anniversary. You can watch it here at www.religiousinstitute.org/streaming Come join us for worship on Thursday, March 31st and celebrate with us!

The Religious Institute was born in April 2001 in the Refectory at Union Theological Seminary in New York City. We sought to advance the goals and vision of the then-new Religious Declaration on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing.

It has been an amazing ten years. Our network has grown to more than 5200 religious leaders from more than 70 faith traditions and thousands of people of faith support our Faithful Voices Network. Our ministry to clergy, congregations, denominations, and seminaries have helped create sexually healthy faith communities. What's more we have helped changed the dialog about sexuality and religion.

I began this blog in 2006, and although I now also blog for the Huffington Post and the Washington Post (as well as Facebook and Twitter @revdebra) my readers here have been a constant source of inspiration and encouragement (and some times hearty disagreement.) We'd like you to be able to be with us virtually at the 10th anniversary celebration.

Please go to www.religiousinstitute.org/pics and download a picture of yourself holding the Faithful Voices Network sign. Or "Like us" on our Facebook page and we'll do it for you with your facebook picture.

We'd love for you to also leave your message of support, either here or on Facebook.

Celebrate with us!

UPDATE: I have been contacted by the Naming Project, who let me know that the staff at the camp are Lutheran ministers and lay leaders who are openly gay. I am sorry that I missed that in my observations about the piece. Please see the Comment from Ross in the Comment section for more more information about the Naming Project.

I just happened to see an ad that the Oprah Winfrey Network Lisa Ling show was titled "Pray the Gay Away?" last night.

You can see a trailer at http://www.facebook.com/OurAmerica

The first 30 minutes of the program was filming of an Exodus ("ex-gay") conference, and an un-responded to statement that the Bible is anti-gay (although Ling does point out that there are only six explicit verses.) Two pieces examined the troubled childhoods of two gay individuals reinforcing the myth that parenting makes people gay. There was a short piece on the naming project, a camp for queer Christian young people. It wasn't until 55 minutes into the program that we heard an adult man who said he was gay, Christian, and happy.

I kept waiting for them to interview religious leaders who understand that sexual and gender diversity is part of God's blessing -- with the exception of the camp counselor, there was none. I was hoping that they might mention that many denominations in America, including the UUA, the UCC, and the Union for Reform Judaism, are fully welcoming and inclusive. They did not. I wanted them to talk with some of my colleagues from the large number of denomination groups working for full inclusion -- or someone from among the thousands of gay and lesbian clergy I know. They did not.

I tweeted to my followers (@revdebra) that it is a MYTH that you can't be happy, gay, and Christian (or any other faith.) I reminded my followers that God loves them, that we are all created in God's image, and that as one of our Open Letters, endorsed by more than 2700 leaders says, "sexual difference is a blessed part of our endowment."

Oprah and Lisa, I expected better from you.

Yesterday, Rev. Richard Cizik and I released an op ed column on our joint support for domestic and international family planning.

You may remember Rev. Cizik as the head of the National Association of Evangelicals, a position he became after Rev. Ted Haggard had to step down after being discovered having sex and buying drugs from a male escort.

Rev. Cizik has gone on to head a new organization, the New Evangelical Partnership, which is a coalition of more mainstream evangelical organizations committed to the common good. Here's a piece of part of what we said:

As religious leaders, we are both called to respond to the needs of the most marginalized, the most vulnerable, and the most likely to be excluded. Both of our organizations are committed to Goal Five of the United Nations Millennium Development Goals, calling for improved global maternal health by reducing maternal mortality by three quarters and achieving universal access to reproductive health. Both of us are committed to helping create a just and equitable world where no woman will die giving birth to the next generation.

Although we hold differing moral values about abortion, we share a commitment that because life is sacred, it should never be created carelessly or unintentionally. That is why we both support the Title X family planning program, which helps avert nearly one million pregnancies in the United States annually. That is why we have a shared belief in international family planning programs, because we know that maternal mortality around the world could be reduced by more than 70 percent by improved access to reproductive health services. We support domestic and international family planning because we know it reduces neonatal and maternal morbidity and mortality, including deaths attributable to unsafe abortions--and it helps build strong families and lives.

As religious leaders, we are called to improve women's and children's lives. It is simply inconceivable to either of us that those who oppose abortion services also have voted to cut or eliminate family planning, prenatal care, mother and infant nutrition programs, and community health services. We stand together in calling on people of faith across the religious spectrum to stand up for the needs of low-income families and their children. We are pro-faith, pro-family, and pro-child.

As people of faith, we call on the U.S. Senate to reject the draconian and ultimately immoral cuts proposed by the U.S. House of Representatives. As religious leaders called by God to co-create a better world where all may flourish and thrive, we can do no less.

You can read the whole piece at www.washingtonpost.com/onfaith

Later today, the Maryland Legislature is likely to pass marriage equality legislation for same sex couples.

Yesterday, Hawaii's governor signed a same sex union bill, giving same sex couples all the rights of marriage in the state. A few weeks ago, the Illinois governor need similarly.

And, the President of the United States told the U.S. Justice Department to stop defending DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act, even as it continues for some inexplicable reason to defend "Don't Ask Don't Tell" in the courts following the signing of its repeal.

I'm celebrating all of those.

But, I can't help wonder how it is that these bills are moving ahead with such alacrity while at the same time attacks on family planning and abortion are at the highest levels I can remember in my 35 years in this field. As I'm sure you know, last week, the House of Representatives voted to defund the federal family planning program, eliminate most funding for international family planning, and specifically ban Planned Parenthoods from federal funds. (I wrote about support for domestic and international family planning in last week's Washington Post.)

People across the country are speaking out against these cuts, and you can add your name to a petition that is receiving tens of thousands of signatures. Rallys are planned for many cities, including New York City this weekend, and I intend to be there.

I'm struggling to understand how rights for lesbian and gay people are advancing while reproductive rights for women are so precarious. Is it that the religious right has abandoned their fight against homosexuality because they know that the culture has tipped and they will lose? Is it that reproductive rights are taken for granted as they've been in place for the past 40 years so the activists have not made inroads into the mainstream and perhaps these latest assaults will be a needed wake up call? Is it the difference between state laws and legislatures which vary widely and the U.S. House which has so precariously tipped conservative? Is it that gay votes are seen as more important than those of women? Is it that in a troubled economic time, poor women are seen as marginal? Is it that the LGBT movement is better organized and better funded?

It could be all of this. I'd like to know your thoughts.

What I do know is that sexual justice shouldn't be siloed. That at its core my commitment is to sexual justice for all -- and that includes women, LGBT people, sexuality education, family planning and abortion access, and marriage equality. I hope you will join me in speaking out for all our rights.

In some ways, Valentine’s Day is a perfect holiday for me. The legend of Valentine’s Day is unique among secular holidays in its connection of religion and sexuality. Its history is both pagan and early Christian.

The Roman festival “Lupercalia” was a pagan holiday in mid February to assure the fertility of both women and crops. Young men pulled slips of paper with the names of young women out of boxes to learn who would be their sexual companions for the next year, sort of an early match.com.

In 496 c.e., Pope Gelasive turned the festival into a minor Christian holiday, naming it for St. Valentine. The names of saints replaced the names of young women on the slips of paper in the boxes, and men were supposed to emulate the saint on the slip they had chosen for the next year. (One can only imagine this must have been a hard sell after the previous custom!)

St. Valentine was a priest in the third century (or maybe a composite of several priests.) The Emperor Claudius had outlawed marriage for young men so they could serve in his military without family obligations. The priest Valentine continued to marry young couples in secret. Discovered, he was sent to jail and sentenced to death for disobeying the Emperor. The legend continues that he fell in love with the jailor’s daughter, and wrote her a note, signed “From Your Valentine”, prior to his beheading on February 14, 270. This of course was when priests were still allowed to marry.

Quite a history for a day that's now celebrated with Hallmark cards and boxes of candy. It's early pagan origins remind us of the centrality for many people of having a sexual partner in their life. St. Valentine's story reminds us that marriage was once not available to young men, and that he began his own marriage equality movement in protest.

I like that so many sexual justice organizations celebrate Valentine's Day as a day of justice. It's Freedom to Marry week, it's Standing on the Side of Love Sunday, it's even national condom week.

And it's a day and a week to celebrate love -- all the types of love that grace our lives. For those of us with a partner, it's a time for a "recommitment ritual", a time to remember what makes our relationship special and holy. For those of us with children, it's a time to remember our special bonds of love. For all of us, it's a time to be grateful for the people who we love and the people who love of us, just the way we are.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Rep. Christopher Smith (R-NJ) and 173 co-sponsors introduced a heinous bill, "No Taxpayer Funding for Abortion Act."

It goes further than any other previous legislative proposal to make abortion less accessible, less available, especially to low income women. Jessica Arons from the Center for American Progress presents a comprehensive review of what's so wrong with this legislation at www.rhrealitycheck.org

There are so many reasons to oppose this bill, but it's the provision that redefines rape that has me the most upset. For decades now, there has been an agreement even by the most anti-choice legislators that poor women who become pregnant because of rape or incest should have access to abortion services.

Rep. Smith and his friends have now decided that only women who are victims of "force-able rape" would be "worthy" of being able to have an abortion. Not women who were coerced, not women who are minors and victims of statutory rapes, not women who were drugged -- just those who are forced.

This issue isn't just political to me, it's personal. I was date raped twice as a young woman. There were no guns or knives --just men who didn't listen as I yelled "no" and went ahead anyway. Back in the mid 70's, there wasn't a term for date rape; in fact, I had several older women at the time tell me that there wasn't anything to be done, it just happened some time to women who were alone with men who didn't listen. I was fortunate that I didn't become pregnant either time -- and I've been happy that on today's high school and college campuses young people are routinely taught about date rape and that "no means no."

And so, I am furious that Rep. Smith has decided that once again it's not rape unless there's force involved. I'd like the GOP to listen to those of us who are survivors who will tell them that the only definition of rape is sex without consent of both partners - no adjectives involved.

The Washington Post asked its On Faith panel this week to reflect on a Catholic hospital's decision to not offer sterilizations and the excommunication of a nun who had courageously helped a woman who was dying having an abortion that saved her life.

You can read my response and other panel member's reactions here:

www.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/index.html

Most of the comments that follow my blog are predictably anti-abortion and feel to me that they miss the point of my column. I support the rights of individual providers to not perform services that they find morally objectionable as long as they refer women to the safe and legal services they need. Supporting reproductive justice is not just about legal services, it's also about safe services as illustrated so dramatically about the news of an unregulated provider in Pennsylvania.

I'd love you to leave a comment at the Washington Post blog to support women's rights to legal, safe, and accessible reproductive health services, regardless of where they live.

Saturday is the 38th Anniversary of the Supreme Court's Roe v. Wade Decision.

I had the good fortune to attend the Connecticut Coalition for Choice dinner last night, marking the Roe anniversary and honoring the doctors who perform safe and legal abortions to women in Connecticut.

The dinner included an award to Dr. Leroy Carhart, one of the nation's few doctors who perform abortions in later pregnancies. Dr. Carhart worked closely with Dr. George Tiller, the doctor who was murdered as he attended church in 2009, and told us that they had promised each other that if something happened, the other would continue the work. Dr. Carhart shared some of the heartbreaking stories of the women he serves. He told us that yes, he is cautious about his security, but he is not afraid, and that he believes in saving women's lives and futures, he is doing God's work.

I think so too.

The Reverend Maria LaSala, minister at the First Presbyterian Church in New Haven, offered the Benediction. I was deeply moved by her words, and asked her for permission to share them with you. She prayed,


"Let us remain steadfast in our commitment to ensure that women of all ages, races, and economic realities, have the right to legal, safe, and affordable abortion.

Let us remain steadfast in our support of the doctors, nurses, and health center staff who, morning by morning and day by day, affirm women’s choices to terminate a pregnancy and provide the necessary medical procedures to keep women healthy and strong.

Let us remain steadfast in our commitment to honor the choices that women who face unwanted and unplanned pregnancies make, knowing that any decision concerning women’s reproductive health is never easy.

On this night, let us remember Dr. George Tiller, Dr. Bernard Slepian, Shannon Lowney, Lee Ann Nichols, Dr. David Gunn, Dr. John Britton, James Barrett and John Sanderson, and all those who lost their lives or were injured due to abortion related violence. On this night we give thanks for Dr. Carhart, whose perseverance and commitment to proving abortions in the face of ongoing threats and dangers, is ever a blessing. We ask that God watch over all those who work in women’s health care centers, that no harm might come to them.

And now, may the love and compassion of the Holiest of Holies surround us. May the strength of all that is holy be with us."

On this 38th anniversary of Roe, may it indeed be so.

At 11:00 am today, I will heed President Obama's call, light a candle and invite the Religious Institute staff into a moment of silence and then an opportunity to talk about their feelings about the shootings this weekend in Arizona.

We are all collectively reeling from the horror of 20 people being shot on a Saturday morning at the grocery store. And our hearts go out to Congresswoman Gifford as she struggles for her life, the families of those who were killed and wounded, those who witnessed the event, and the family of the young man who for reasons yet unknown killed and maimed them.

Yes, reasons yet unknown. The airways, the blogosphere, and our inboxes are overflowing with people who are using this tragedy to further their own interests and points of view. I'm guessing you've received many of the emails from organizations expressing their sympathy AND going one step further to capitalize on the situation. I've received e-cards from civil rights, mental health, Jewish, Christian, and political organizations and a wealth of commentators on the left and the right with their particular points of view. The posts on my facebook page from gay organizations on the heroism of the intern - who happens t0 be gay -- made me shake my head. (Interestingly, the only organizations I have yet to receive something from are the handgun control groups, which to my mind are the organizations which have something to say now regardless of what we learn about the shootings.) Some of the organizations have included DONATE buttons on their e-cards.

The experts and and people getting their 15 minutes of fame are all out in force. In the first hour of the Today show, we met two men who helped sit on the gunman and a woman who took a class with him last spring. REALLY?

I understand that we are all seeking to make meaning out of this senseless tragedy and that it raises intense fears for the safety of our leaders -- and ourselves. We need to talk about it -- with our loved ones and in our religious communities and in our places of work.

But I can't help but wish that all the experts, the talking heads, the organizations would take not just a moment of silence, but the next few days to pray, to think, to understand and resist the urge to use this moment as an opportunity for promotion.

I'm just back from a week's vacation...but I know you join me in celebrating the end of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." I can't wait to watch the President sign its repeal tomorrow.

This significant vote in both the House and the Senate, by a majority of Congresspersons, is the beginning of the end of government supported homophobia and discrimination against people based on their sexual orientation and gender identity.

Call me an optimist, but I believe that the repeal of DOMA and the passage of a trans inclusive ENDA can't be far behind.

The arc of the universe DOES bend towards justice.

It's been almost 30 years since I first met someone with AIDS.

It's been twenty five years since I gave my first speech on AIDS prevention.

It's been twenty two years since I created Teens For AIDS Prevention in Washington, D.C.

It's been twenty years since I lost my first friend to this dreadful disease.

It's been too many years for HIV prevention to not be in every school, every clinic, every faith based organization, every country in the world.

And so on this World AIDS Day, I recommit myself and the Religious Institute to speaking out and working for an end to this now global largely preventable pandemic.

And I light this virtual candle to the people who died too soon, in my life and in yours. Bill, Billy, Danny, Marjorie, Lacey, Stewart, Damien, Bill, Michael, & Jim, may yours be an everlasting memory, an everlasting name.

The Washington Post On Faith Blog asked this week, "What beliefs support the ban on gays in the military?"

I was tempted to just write a three word column: Ignorance. Bigotry. Homophobia.

Instead, I wrote the following column:

http://onfaith.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/panelists/debra_w_haffner/2010/11/its_dont_ask_dont_tell_thats_immoral_-_not_homosexuality.html

I'd love for you to leave your comment there.

I long for the day when this question will seem as out dated and outrageous as asking "what beliefs support the ban on women" or "what beliefs support the ban on blacks and whites serving together" do now.

I just completed two mornings of training with future Rabbis and Cantors.

One of the topics included adolescent sexuality education and what teens needed from their religious communities. I asked the group had they ever heard about concerns about middle school students and oral sex at Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebrations and all of them had.

I've long argued in my books (see side bar to order my book, Beyond the Big Talk) that oral sex in the middle school is largely NOT happening. I've said that I can remember the name of the girl in the eighth grade who was offering oral sex, and that perhaps today there might be a few more, but my sense from working with teens around the country is that most middle schoolers are still worrying about kissing and that oral sex scandals in middle schools is largely a media myth.

There's new national probability data from Indiana University that backs that up. The new IU study finds that only 13% of 14 and 15 year old boys had received oral sex, matching pretty closely the 12% of girls those ages who say they offer it. One in ten girls that age say that they have received oral sex, also challenging the myth that girls are always the ones performing, boys receiving.

The numbers jump once teens are juniors and seniors in high school, but still only a minority of teens ages 16 and 17 have had oral sex ever. One third of the boys and 23% of the girls had received oral sex; one quarter of the girls and 20% of the boys had offered it. Few had had same sex partners. Teenagers are just not as sexually experienced as most adults believe.

Surely we need to be concerned about the youngest teens engaging in intimate sexual behaviors with a partner, and these studies do not look at the context of the relationships. Young people need our guidance and support to make healthy sexually decisions and set sexual limits. Parents, schools, and faith based organizations all play an important role. But, these numbers indicate that we need to be much more cautious in accepting media stories or rumors designed to alarm us that don't reflect actual young people's lives.

My blog on the "It Gets Better" Project. Please comment and pass on.

I delivered these comments to open a Vigil in Norwalk, CT on the recent suicides of several lesbian and gay youth.

I bring you greetings from the Unitarian Church in Westport, where I serve as the community minister, and the Religious Institute, the organization I lead of more than 5000 religious leaders from across the United States. I stand here tonight as a clergy person, as a mom, as a neighbor, as someone who works every day for the full inclusion of us all, and someone who loves many many gay and lesbian people.

Tonight we come together with heavy hearts to commemorate the lives of the at least seven teenagers who took their lives because of bullying and harassment: Bill Lucas, Seth Walsh, Asher Brown, Tyler Clementi, Raymond Chase, and Aiyisha Hasan.

The only thing we know for sure these young people had in common was that they were perceived to be gay or lesbian.

We come together tonight to say, “Enough. Never Again. Enough.”

There is nothing new about bullying. Forty five years ago, here in Norwalk, I was bullied and physically attacked as a second grader at Fitch School up the street from here because I was Jewish. Many of the grownups here were probably bullied for a whole variety of reasons as well. Teachers and parents often ignored it, thinking it was a children’s problem to take care of. For those of us who carry the scars from elementary school, middle school, high school, we know that we’ve struggled with those feelings of not being accepted, not being welcome all of our lives.
People who are LGBTQQI, teens and yes, adults – that means lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, and intersex – are often harassed and bullied throughout their lives. An anti-bullying initiative will fail as long as WE fail to stand up to the homophobia – the hatred directed at LGBT people – that still exists in our schools, on our streets, in our workplaces, in our laws, and in our society.

To the LGBT people here, both teens and adults, I am here to tell you that God loves you just the way you are …and that sexual and gender diversity is blessing to us all.

To the LGBT teens here, I want to say that you are loved, worthy, and accepted just the way you are. That God made you, that people love you, and that suicide is NEVER the solution. If you are being bullied, TELL SOMEONE, ASK FOR HELP, REACH OUT. Yes, as the YouTube project says, it does get better, but I want it to be okay for you right now. And I want you to know that there are adults who can help.

To all of the teens here, I beg you to become the generation that no longer accepts bullying as a fact of life in middle school and high school, but says NO MORE. Standing up for people who are being bullied, telling someone a joke is offensive, asking fellow students to abandon “that’s so gay” as a universal put down, is not tattling or not being able to take a joke – it’s courageous, it’s intervening, and it may save someone’s life. Teens must take a stand.

To the religious leaders here, I ask you, I implore you to use your pulpits to proclaim a life saving message that God loves us all. That while we may all not agree about what four passages in the Bible say about same sex sexual relationships, we know that the overarching messages of our Scriptures is Love Your Neighbor as Yourself. All of Our Neighbors. In response to the question to our Christian neighbors “What Would Jesus Do about Homosexuality?” I am quite sure the answer would be Love Them. Include Them. Welcome Them. And take the log out of your own eye about other people’s sexual behavior. In too many cases, religion has fed cultural homophobia, and left people feeling alienated and ashamed. If religion has been part of the problem, we must become part of the solution, and that includes speaking out against those who hide their homophobia, their own fears of their sexuality, behind four verses.

To the government leaders, school officials, police, and teachers here, I urge that you pledge to make our workplaces, schools, community agencies, and streets safe for every one of us, regardless of our sexual orientation or gender identity. And that means you too must intervene, speak out, and stop harassment at any level.

To those of you who are parents or neighbors or caring adults, thank you for coming out and please make a commitment to yourself that you will speak up, speak out for the dignity and worth of all people. Tell your neighbors and your co-workers that you were here tonight and ask for their help. The culture will change when we all say loudly and often that every one of us has the right to live and love free from harassment and discrimination.

During the height of the AIDS epidemic, there was a poster that read Silence = Death. Silence about homophobia and bullying and violence and discrimination has also meant death. Pledge with me tonight that you will be silent no more.

Say it with me. Enough. Never Again. Enough.

God bless you all.

Dear Clergy Colleagues:

It’s Tuesday morning, and you are probably not quite ready to think about next weekend’s sermon. Perhaps you’ve already announced the upcoming topic in your newsletter. I am praying that you might be willing to change it.

You may know that October 11th is National Coming Out Day, a day that encourages gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (GLBT) people to publicly state who they are. In light of the at least five gay youth who killed themselves in September, it’s time for us to come together as religious leaders and say, “Enough.”

I’m hoping that next weekend from your pulpits you will come out with your support for GLBT youth and adults. Yesterday, I issued this challenge to the nation’s clergy in a column for the Washington Post. You can read it at http://ow.ly/2Oj7l

In part, it read:

All of us have teens and young adults who are gay or lesbian in our congregations, many who are suffering in silence and are at risk. A study done by my colleagues at the Christian Community, found that 14% of teens in religious communities identify as something other than heterosexual. Almost nine in ten of them have not been open about their sexuality with clergy or other adult leaders in their faith communities. Almost half have not disclosed their sexual orientation to their parents. And nonheterosexual teens who regularly attend religious services were twice as likely as heterosexual teens to have seriously considered suicide. Our young people are dying because we are not speaking out for them.

What if next weekend all of us told them from our pulpits how heartbroken we are by Tyler Clementi’s suicide and that we want to make sure that no young person in our community would ever feel such despair? Or perhaps you can begin to develop sexuality education programs in your community for youth and parents that include education about sexual orientation and gender identity. Include books in your congregation library about new theological understandings of sexual orientation and pamphlets from LGBT persons in your vestibules. Invite LGBT adults in your congregations to lead worship or education programs and tell their stories. Tell your teens and young adults that you love them, that God loves them and that you will stand with them in the face of bullying, victimization, and harassment. Invite them, beseech them to come to you or other trusted adults if they are even remotely thinking about taking their own life.

As a member of the Religious Institute network, I know that you support full inclusion of LGBT persons. I hope you’ll join with clergy across the United States in speaking out this weekend. For worship resources, see our online guide, Acting Out Loud.

You may remember that Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil; God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” It is time for all of us to act.

In Faith,

Rev. Debra W. Haffner

Dear readers: I wrote this letter this morning to the Today Show, who ignored the reason behind Tyler Clementi's suicide, concentrating only on Internet bullying. Please consider writing them as well at Today@nbcuni.com And please talk to your children! Tell them nothing is worth taking their life over, that you love them, and that sexual diversity is part of God's gift to us. PLEASE.

Dear Today,

Your piece on Tyler Clementi's suicide focused almost exclusively on the dangers of webcams and internet posting, rather than addressing what drove Tyler to take his life.

If Tyler had been kissing a girl, this tape wouldn't have been made. If made, it wouldn't have been twittered and posted.

But, he wasn't. He was kissing another boy, and even in today's world, that made him the subject of ridicule and hate. And his shame at being outed drove him to end his life.

Homophobia and hate caused his death, and you inadvertently add to the problem when you don't even mention it.

Tyler's death is one of five gay teens and young adults in the last few weeks. Can we count on you for a segment on gay teen suicide? Can we count on you to get the word out about GLSEN, or It Gets Better, or the Trevor Helpline?

Let's make sure that Tyler didn't die in vain. Help us make this a teachable moment for parents and teens. Please call on me if I can be of help as you prepare this segment on the real issue that is causing so many young people to take their lives -- and how parents can make sure that their children know that they are loved and accepted without regard to their sexual orientation or gender identity.

The Reverend Debra W. Haffner

This coming weekend, more than 20 clergy in New London, CT will address sexuality from their pulpits. In Jewish, Protestant, Roman Catholic, Unitarian Universalist, and Muslim faith communities, congregants will hear that sexuality is sacred.

My colleague, Dr. Kate Ott, Deputy Director of the Religious Institute, has been a resource to the New London clergy association for the past three years.

The local paper, The Day, featured op eds from a variety of religious leaders on sexuality this past Sunday. You can read them here http://www.theday.com/article/20100926/OP03/100929776/1044

I'm excited to see this commitment by the New London clergy to bring sexuality into their churches, synagogues, and mosques. Let us know if we can help you!

The Religious Institute is committed to working towards a just, equitable, and inclusive world. On September 15th, as part of that global commitment, the Religious Institute is releasing its first internationally focused theological framework, the new Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Maternal Mortality and Reproductive Justice.

The Open Letter is being released to coincide with the United Nation’s High-Level Plenary Meeting on the Millennium Development Goals. In 2000, the leaders of 189 countries agreed to eight goals to eradicate extreme poverty. Goal Five calls for improved global maternal health by reducing maternal mortality by three quarters and achieving universal access to reproductive health.

Every year, more than 340,000 women and girls die as a result of the preventable complications from pregnancy and childbirth, almost all in developing countries. According to the Guttmacher Institute and the United Nations Population Fund, maternal mortality could be reduced by more than 70 percent by improved access to reproductive health services, including contraception, treatment for pregnancy and birth complications, and strategies to prevent or manage abortion related complications.

The new Open Letter recognizes that this is not just a public health crisis but a moral one. As the letter states, “the sacredness of life is best upheld when women and men create life intentionally, and women are able to have healthy pregnancies and childbirths.” Surely, people of faith from diverse perspectives can agree to work to create a world where no woman loses her life to create a new one.

The Open Letter calls on all religious leaders to:
• Educate themselves and their faith communities about the crisis of maternal mortality.
• Publicly advocate for increased support for maternal health and reproductive health services, domestically and globally.
• Work within their traditions to make the reduction of preventable maternal mortality a social justice issue.

You can help. If you are a religious leader, please become one of the endorsers of the new Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Maternal Mortality and Reproductive Justice. Become involved with the Religious Institute’s Rachel Sabbath Initiative. As a person of faith, join the U.N. Millennium Campaign.

The Open Letter ends, “We are called to bear witness to the harsh reality that without comprehensive sexual and reproductive health services, women and girls around the world suffer illness, violence and death. Our mission as faith communities compels us to work together to assure that all may flourish. We renew our call to sexual and reproductive justice. We make a solemn commitment to help create a just and equitable world where no woman will die giving birth to the next generation.”

May it be so.

I offered this chalice lighting at our homecoming services yesterday.

The first words spoken in the Hebrew Bible are, "Let there be light."

Let there be light today as we once again gather in community.

Let us feel the light of each others' lives.

Let us feel the light of the New Year, Rosh Hashanah, and the end of Ramadan.

Let us remember those we lost on September 11th.

Let this light remind us to bring our light into the world-our search for truth, appreciation of diversity and full inclusion.

Let it remind us to witness against those who would burn sacred texts, commit acts of terrorism, or deny that every one of us has inherent dignity and self worth.

Let this chalice represent what brings us back to our beloved community-the gifts of friendship, of wisdom, of insights, of encouragement, or support. Let this light remind us of our history, our knowing, our shared silence and our shared laughter, our shared tears, and our shared hopes for our futures.

May our lights be rekindled - as individuals, as friends, as family, as a church community.

Let there always be light.

This Saturday's Belief Column in the NY Times began:

"Sooner or later, every traditional faith has to confront sexual impropriety by its spiritual leaders: extramarital sex, or sex with the wrong people (members of the congregation, minors) or, for supposedly celibate clergy, any sex at all."

REALLY?

It is NOT inevitable that religious leaders will sexually act out...how sad that we have come to a place where that is viewed as a statement of fact.

Yes, dear readers, I know that there are legions of stories throughout the ages where spiritual leaders have done just that. But it doesn't have to be so.

In our classes and materials, the Religious Institute has defined the characteristics of a sexually healthy religious professional. In part, a sexually healthy religious professional uses power justly and recognizes the potential for the abuse of that power, and knows how to deal with sexual feelings appropriately, recognizing boundaries for relationships with those he or she serves. The Religious Institute recommends that every seminary REQUIRE a course in sexual misconduct prevention for every student studying for the ministry, and that denominations require such a learning experience for every ministerial candidate.


Sexual misconduct by clergy is preventable not inevitable. It's past time for seminaries and denominations and lay leadership to assure it.

When we look back at the history of marriage equality, yesterday will surely be a milestone.

Judge Vaughn Walker, chief justice of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California overturned Prop 8. The decision in part said:

"Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license."

From this minister's perspective, not a moral or religious one as well. The Religious Institute has supported marriage equality since its founding in 2001. More than 2200 ordained clergy have endorsed our "Open Letter to Religious Leaders on Marriage Equality." Several faith traditions have policies that support marriage for same sex couples, and more than two dozen denominations urged Congress to defeat the Federal Marriage Amendment way back in 2004.

There is surely to be much hand wringing by conservative religious groups this morning, and there is no doubt there will be an attempt to appeal Judge Walker's ruling (maybe even by the time you are reading this!) This is very likely to the first step in the sure to come Supreme Court ruling on marriage for same sex couples. What it is important for us is to keep reinforcing that many religious leaders, congregations, and denominations support marriage because we know that where there is love, the sacred is in our midst. As I wrote in my last blog, good marriages are based on responsibility, equity, and love, without restrictions based on biological sex, procreative potential, or sexual orientation of the partners.

So, for today, let's celebrate this latest decision and move toward equality! And know that tomorrow it's time to get back to work.

I am so pleased to be one of the religious leaders selected to be part of the Washington Post's On Faith panel. Organized by Sally Quinn and Jon Meachem, each week we are sent a question to consider answering.

This week's question was, "Should Religions Intermarry?"

The question was sparked because of Methodist Chelsea Clinton's upcoming wedding this weekend to a Jewish man.

You can read my response to the question here. In a nutshell, I said that people bring many differences to marriage, and that people's religion, gender, or sexual orientation don't define what makes a good marriage. I also shared some of what I've learned from being in an interfaith marriage for almost 30 years.

It's not interfaith marriage, interracial marriage, or same sex marriage. It's just marriage -- and it's a lot of work.

What do you think?

And blessings to all of the couples -- including Chelsea and Marc -- getting married this weekend.

I'm behind in blogging, as I just returned on Tuesday from a mini-vacation celebrating my dad's 80th birthday, and then had the second part of a root canal procedure. Apologies to my regular readers for falling behind! I am usually still on twitter though, so for quick updates, follow me there at @revdebra

It's been quite a week.

Good news on marriage equality. Argentina passed marriage equality for same sex couples. You have to wonder if they can do it there, why the U.S. can't do it here. The D.C. Court of Appeals decided by a slim margin to uphold marriage equality in the district. Last week, as you probably know, a Massachusetts court said that denying marriage to same sex couples is unconstitutional. That will probably be the basis for a future Supreme Court ruling.

Not so good news on abortion. The President yesterday inexplicably put out a ruling prohibiting abortion coverage for any reason in the new high risk pools being created. Going beyond the requirements of the Hyde amendment, it seems to be away to further mollify the right on reproductive health services for women. For greater analysis, you might want to check out NARAL or PPFA's web sites.

I was pleased however to read the President's new HIV/AIDS strategic plan, released earlier this week. You can read it at www.whitehouse.gov I'll close this post with its vision statement:

“The United States will become a place where new HIV infections are rare and when they do occur, every person, regardless of age, gender, race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity or socio-economic circumstance, will have unfettered access to high quality, life-extending care, free from stigma and discrimination”

May it be so.