I never really related

To Job and his wailing

He was so self-righteous

A lucky man

For much of his life

Thinking he deserved it.

So much better I think

To receive blessings later in life

When you can appreciate them

And know in your gut

How lucky you are.

Mazel Tov

On any journey, there are milestones.  They aren’t end-points, but a chance to catch your breath and realize how far you have come.  (Are we there yet, Mom?) This week, I made it into the Century Club. (I made that name up and am looking for more members.)

Since beginning this program a little less than a year ago, I have lost a total of 102 pounds.  Always an overachiever, I pushed myself this week to make sure I made it after one week of being so very close at 99.7 and another where I had a slight (.7) gain.  So with a bit more exercise and a little less food, I  got there this week.

This isn’t an end-point.  My journey is not done.  I still need to lose 5 more pounds before I can schedule knee surgery and 40 more pounds will get me out of the “obese” category.  But really, 100 pounds is a lot!

It is kind of hard to realize I was lifting that much weight, each and every day, all day long.

I am lighter, but learned this week that I am also less buoyant.  We opened the pool last week

and when I got in, it felt like I sunk like a stone.  I kept getting water up my nose.  Apparently all the fat kept me afloat and could just flail my arms and legs to move through the water.  Now I need to really swim.  For now, I am using my snorkel set because I hate water up my nose.  I understand it is used as a form of torture.

It was another small group last night, with only seven of us there.  Since I’d reached my milestone, the facilitator asked my to share some of what has allowed me to succeed.  I see it that way, as something “allowed” not just accomplished.  It is mainly a gift of circumstance, with some luck and a lot of grace thrown in.  And yes. it has also been mixed with some fairly gritty determination and strong motivation.

Weird thing is, it is getting easier.  I now know what my body needs to be healthy.  I understand the science – and the math.  Those last 5 and 40 pounds may just melt away.  Not that I am going to relax my focus and concentration, because my old habits could come back.  But one hundred pounds in one year is something to celebrate.  Can I get a hallelyah?

L’Chaim!

(My stats for the last week – Down 3.8 pounds, drank at least 7 gallons of water and exercised for over 655 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 102.7 pounds.)

“Women operate as support staff even at the executive level.” Rev. Lynn Hopkins, Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Montgomery #WomenWhoLead #ConvoAtKressASF

One of the motivational tools Kaiser uses in the program is the “Passport.”

You earn “stamps” for attending the weekly meetings, exercise (420 minutes or 70,000 steps each week), and recording your daily food/calorie intake.  Once you get 18 “stamps,” you can turn the completed passport in and once a quarter there is a drawing for $20 Whole Foods gift cards.  I love prizes; they can help motivate me.  I increased my exercise minutes in order to earn that “stamp” each week.  The other two (meetings and recording) I was already doing.  I have actually been recording what I eat each day since August 18th of last year.  Yes, some guesswork is involved, especially when eating away from home, but I record every single bite.

So…..this last quarter was the first time I had completed passports included in the drawing………………………………………………………….

and the winner is….

Yay!  Of course, $20 at Whole Foods would be worth $30 at any other grocery store, but who am I to argue with free?

We opened the pool this week and I went swimming twice.  I think I will also continue at least some time of the exercise bike as it will help get my legs ready for knee surgery.

This week class was again tiny, with only 6 people showing up.  We had a good discussion though, mainly about making contingency plans when challenges surface.  Do we avoid movies because the popcorn smells are hard to handle?  We also had a long discourse on donuts, that ever popular office goodie.  Planning is critical.  We can’t change others or the world.  (Well, maybe we CAN change the world.  Activism has an impact.  Voting matters.)

But sometimes we plan, and the gods just laugh.  I was SO sure I would have achieved the milestone of a hundred pound weight loss this week.  I mean, I had only 1/3 of a pound to go.  But it wasn’t to be as my weight was actually up slightly this week.  Next week though, I hope to join the CENTURY CLUB!

L’Chaim!

(My stats for the last week – Up .7 of a pound, drank at least 7 gallons of water and exercised for over 650 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 99 pounds.)

I stand with Adam Schiff

Swim season is starting and while I haven’t found a new suit yet, I was able to take in some swim shorts which I can use with a swim top that has ties.  I am pretty sure it won’t fall off!

I have set a goal of 5000 steps a day – most of which I do by walking around the house.  It isn’t a whole lot, but is more than I was doing before, and it is what I can do with my knees.   Walking inside also avoids the risk of falling on uneven ground.  When you add in the stationary bike time, and, next week, the swimming, I will be burning a fair number of calories and hopefully getting in even better physical shape.

The group was tiny tonight, only 6 or so folks, but at least everyone got a chance to talk.  We talked about meal planning.  Everybody is different, and I am just going to continue doing what is working for me.  I have the same breakfast every morning of yogurt and fruit. I vary my lunch; a sandwich, eggs, or a spinach/shrimp salad.  I have a late afternoon snack, usually fresh fruit and some protein like low fat mozzarella cheese sticks.  I eat a Costco protein bar around 8:30 in the evening.  After I enter the calories for the day, my app adds all them up, and adds in an exercise “bonus.”  I  then I know how much I can eat for dinner.  I usually have 500-600 calories left, so dinner is my biggest meal.  I am rarely hungry except right before a meal.

Tonight was also an “almost milestone.”  I have lost almost 100 pounds since I began this journey 11 months ago.  Only 43 to go before I will no longer in the “medically obese” category.

L’Chaim!

(My stats for the last week – Down 3 pounds, drank at least 7 gallons of water and I exercised for over 635 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 99.7 pounds.)

Folks in PA! If like to join a Break Free Together Dinner Experience tomorrow (Thur) we’d love to have you! 6-9pm at Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Susquehanna Valley. Please RSVP in advance: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/BreakFreeTogether … https://twitter.com/pneumajustice/status/1110715896572641280 …

If any of you would like to join a Break Free Together Dinner Experience tomorrow (Thur) I’d love to see you! 6-9pm at Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Susquehanna Valley. You do need to RSVP in advance: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/BreakFreeTogether …

REMINDER! ONLY FOUR DAYS LEFT to RSVP for our annual fundraising dinner on Saturday, April 6th at Unitarian Universalist Church in Muncie, Indiana. Doors open 5:30, dinner at 6:15 pm. This event will feature a... https://www.facebook.com/awaken2002/posts/2287432314610989 …

There are many people at our local Unitarian Universalist congregation who would describe their religious core the same way. Having a community and shared principles (everyone has worth, honor our planet) can energize social justice.

I got a new, more accurate, scale this week, based on encouragement from the group last week.  Since I love high tech stuff, I got one that will sync with my FitBit app.  It averages my weight for each time and day that I step onto it, and generates a trend line so I know what direction I am going.  Ah data!  There can never be enough.

It probably wasn’t due to my new home scale, but at weigh-in tonight I was down 5.1 pounds from last week.  See?  Last week’s weigh-in with no loss wasn’t an issue at all.

My meeting with the knee doctor was somewhat disappointing.  He wants me to lose another 15 pounds before he will schedule me for surgery.  This is not a big problem as I can do that in another 2-3 months and I don’t want to do the surgery until the fall anyway.  In fact, after this last week, I am one third of the way there already.

The appointment still feels like a bummer, and I am not really sure why.  At least I can just email him when I reach the weight he wants and I won’t need to make another appointment before being scheduled for surgery.  And it also isn’t like I thought I was done with this weight loss journey.  I guess I expected him to just say,”wonderful, let’s get you on the list.” Managing hopeful exceptions is not always easy.

Neither is managing this weight loss.  Every time I lose a few pounds, my calorie budget goes down in all my apps (and in reality too!).  I am always either adjusting my intake with food or my expenditure of calories with exercise.  Flexible,  that’s me.  Hah!

Last night, based on a participant’s request, we talked about strategies for dealing with things like conferences and buffet lines.  One man said he doesn’t participate at all and tells his friends, “I am leaving during the meals because I would want to eat it all.”  I loved this.  No guilt, no shame – just honesty.  Another man talked about deciding to go the Sizzler, and to just enjoy that buffet.  AND he counted the calories and made sure to get back on track the very next day.  Others drank extra water during conferences, or decided before hand that they would only take protein, fruit, and veggies from the buffet line.  If you know your trigger foods, it can help to avoid them completely.  Buffet food is also rarely all that delicious, so becoming more discerning and only eating the highest quality items can help too. Mass produced desserts are rarely very good and are loaded with fairly empty calories.  Some people also took protein bars to substitute for some of the meals.  Good tips, all of them, and I think everyone learned something they can use in the future.

We also talked about accountability, and what it means to us. This blog is one way I stay accountable both to myself and to my circle of family and friends.  Writing about this journey each week helps me, and I hope it might help others.  We all need companions and supporters, cheerleaders even, along the way if we are going to get to where we want to be.

One small part of the conversation last night disturbed me.  One of our group was feeling bad, like a complete failure, because she had been gaining a lot of weight back.  I know it was not meant the way it sounded, but the facilitator made a comment later that “studies show that if you feel like a failure, you will fail.”  For someone feeling hopeless, this was not the best thing to say.

I also realized how protective I feel toward everyone in our group, even those I hardly know, but especially those I have grown to love.  Like I have said before, the bond is strong and my mama bear personna can get riled up in an instant.

Hope IS a powerful motivator, and I know that if we cannot visualize success or even progress, then everything becomes harder.  If you are feeling a lot of guilt or shame, odds are you aren’t liking yourself very much, and who wants to put in the energy to take care of someone they don’t like?  I hate all that.  I hate that it happens and that people are made to feel that way by our culture and by the thoughtless remarks by even people who mean well.

I also know this journey has been easier for me than for many people.  I don’t have the long history of dieting, of losing and then regaining, that so many others have experienced.  Failure is not something I expected to happen.  I wasn’t SURE it would work, but I had a strong faith that it could.  I also never felt particularly shameful or guilty about being fat.  (Although I was sometimes shamed by others).  I was also an over-eater but not a binge eater.  These things have made it much easier for me.  I am grateful for that relative ease, knowing also that “easy” is not what this has been like, even for me.

Damn, I just wish we could all love ourselves fiercely just as we are, fat, thin, whatever.  The God I believe in loves us in just that way.  Then, if we want to make changes, for our health or for whatever, we can do it in the spirit of love, do it for our bodies and for ourselves.

“How could anyone ever tell us, we are anything less than beautiful.”  If they do, we need to tell them to shut the F-up.

L’Chaim!

(My stats for the last week – Down 5.1 pounds, drank at least 7 gallons of water and I exercised for over 555 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 96.7 pounds.)

#daretocarerichmond with Candace Gorham ( @EbonyExodus ) on Saturday, April 13th at First Unitarian Universalist Church https://www.facebook.com/247739092068176/photos/gm.599562970467176/1207919242716818/?type=3&theater …pic.twitter.com/8oF1E7C8TJ

#daretocarerichmond with @Jeannepup, Senior Minister of First Unitarian Universalist Church in Richmond on Sunday, April 14th at @DiversityRVA https://www.facebook.com/247739092068176/photos/gm.599545420468931/1207833372725405/?type=3&theater …pic.twitter.com/e3HU69mtdK

You’re becoming a Unitarian Universalist?

I got a new jacket this week as my old one was so large it was ridiculous.  I got the new one a bit on the small side as I am planning to shrink-to-fit it better.  I am slowly learning how to shop for transition clothes.  Jeans only seem to fit for a few weeks before they threaten to fall off while I can still wear stretchy draw strings from when I was 90 pounds heavier. I really want a new swim suit soon, because I won’t be able to swim in any of my old ones.  They work OK in the hot tub where it doesn’t matter much if they are almost falling off.  If need be, if I don’t find a suit before we open the pool in the spring, it will have to just be a tee shirt and shorts for me.

Class was fun, although a LOT of people were missing this week.  Our regular facilitator was also out and Sarah, the program manager, led our group.  We did a very meaningful, go-around-the-room check-in and heard from a few people that rarely talk at all.  It was a pleasure watching Sarah draw them out.  We also did some stretching exercises, which reminded me that I need to get back into doing some of my physical therapy exercises for my arthritic shoulder.  It hurts, and not just because of the shingle’s shot I got this week.  A class member who recently had knee surgery kindly showed me some exercises I can start doing to prep for when I have it.  I see the knee doctor this Friday and hopefully will get on his schedule.  I am excited and a little apprehensive.

My weight this week was exactly the same as last week.  No worries though.  My exercise intensity was significantly less this last week, so it makes sense.  That I can blame on the shingles shot.  Excuses are sometimes valid.

L’Chaim!

(My stats for the last week – same as last week, drank at least 7 gallons of water and I exercised for over 515 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 91.6 pounds.)

Our annual fundraising dinner will be Saturday, April 6th at Unitarian Universalist Church in Muncie, Indiana. Doors open 5:30, dinner at 6:15 pm. This event will feature a delicious Afghan buffet, keynote speaker... https://www.facebook.com/awaken2002/posts/2268796839807870 …

I'm a Unitarian Universalist at heart, also a bit Taoist and mainly Episcopalian, but whatever. I don't have a problem with anyone doing whatever helps them be a better person and get through life, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else and they don't push it on others.

“We, the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association, covenant to affirm and promote: The inherent worth and dignity of every person; Justice, equity, and compassion in human relations; [...]” - The Unitarian Universalist Pocket Guide.

Unitarian Universalist Pocket Guide (probably)

I am getting back to my routine:  knowing how many calories I consume, exercising and noting the calories I am burning, and drinking lots of water.  This is all so much easier at home.  I admire the folks that do this program when they are still working or have small children.

My weight loss this week was almost too much at 2.6 pounds, but it was funny that at the weigh-in the scale first showed me 8 pounds down.  I was definitely a mistake, so I asked to do it again.  (I’d stepped on the scale before it finished cycling back to zero which confused it.  Ah technology – I love it.)

At group last night one man shared his 4 “W’s” which keep him on track so he doesn’t regain the weight he has lost.

• Water – drink lots of it.
• Weigh yourself – at least weekly.
• Watch what you eat – recording it is even better
• Walk – exercise

Easy to remember, but it can be harder to do.  I am doing really well on all of these, however, which must be why it is working.   According to my food app, I have logged everything I have eaten in the last 203 days.  My exercise stats are shown above.  Today I was tired, however, so only got on the bike for 30 minutes.  Every body needs a sabbath once in awhile.

L’Chaim!

(My stats for the last week – down 2.6  pounds, drink at least 7 gallons of water and I exercised for over 590 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 91.6 pounds.)

Between Two Worlds: Unitarian Universalist, CUUPS, and Pagans | Between Two Worlds: Unitarian Universalist, CUUPS, and Pagans - Patheos http://dlvr.it/R0P3KQ pic.twitter.com/M54ER3vVar

A gentle breeze on a hot day

Can be a welcome gift

A subtle rustling of refreshment

Drying our sweat

As evaporation works

Its miracle.

We give thanks for the wind.

On a hot beach

With a breeze less gentle

The sand blows into our eyes

The grit sticks to the lotion

We rubbed on to protect our skin.

We grumble and turn our faces away.

If we ignore the wind

Maybe it will stop.

The cold winter wind

Chills our bones

Our joints ache

As we pick our way

Down icy lanes

With coats, hats and gloves

A meager defense

So we claim a warm spot by a fire

And hunker down to hide

From the howling wind.

There are worse things the wind can do

Hurricanes blow our houses down

And bring the seas ashore.

Tornados turn everything to rumble

Splintering the lives

We once thought were safe.

We curse those winds

And wonder if our death is near.

Then a quiet day

Breathing in and out

Remembering that we are made

Of flesh and bone

Of water and of wind

A curse becomes a blessing

Filling our lungs with life

We give thanks, again,

For the wind.

someone needs to start an Unitarian Universalist meme page I need highly specific memes about our weird holiday pageants and dealing with rowdy 9 year old boys who like Minecraft running around at time for all ages

I am back from my trip, and pleased to report that while my progress slowed (only a 1.6 pound loss in two weeks) it did not stall or reverse.  I enjoyed myself and indulged in 3 very large-for-me meals, two desserts, one martini, a half glass of wine, and a large sake.  (Not all on the same day!). I sat most of the day during the conference, but the food choices on the buffet line allowed me to choose just protein and veggies.   In Austin, it was restaurants and home-cooked meals, most of which were high calorie, but I walked a ton (23 miles!) and I used the stationary bike at the hotel.  This trip let me see what maintenance might be like: being careful with food most of the time, exercising often, and able to have an occasional drink or dessert.

I bought some new jeans a month or so ago, and they are already too baggy to wear.  I know that can be a fashion statement for some teen-aged boys, but for a 69 year old woman, not so much.   I think I will stick to pants with drawstrings until I get to my stopping weight.  At least someone will get some barely worn clothes when I donate them.

A real win was not having to ask for a seatbelt extender on the plane.  I see the knee surgeon in two weeks and hopefully will be scheduled for surgery.  I understand there is a wait of a few months so I want to get into the queue at least.

The conference was amazing, my presentation went well, and I made some new friends.  The theme was GLBTQ history within Unitarian Universalism and included many stories from the early days after Stonewall.  Some of the stories brought me to tears.  I joined my home church in the mid-90’s, so I mainly experienced acceptance and a warm welcome.  Unitarian Universalism struggled with the issue of gay clergy back in the 70’s and although both homophobia and heterosexism are still deeply embedded in the wider culture, gay and lesbian clergy now have little trouble being called to serve our congregations all around the country.  Transgender ministers still face some challenges, but we are working on that too, through education.

My heart just breaks for what happened in the Methodist Church this week.  The God I believe in is one of an all-embracing love.  Love, in all of its dimensions and in all of its forms, is a sacred gift, a “reflection of grace,” and of God’s love for all of creation.

L’Chaim!

(My stats for the last week – down 1.6  pounds, drank maybe 5 gallons of water and I exercised for over 420 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 89 pounds.)

In 1961, the Unitarian and Universalist churches joined together. UUCOC was the first church established under the new UU. https://www.patheos.com/blogs/monkeymind/2019/02/all-beings-one-body-a-true-history-of-unitarian-universalism.html … https://www.patheos.com/blogs/monkeymind/2019/02/all-beings-one-body-a-true-history-of-unitarian-universalism.html …

I just returned from Texas where we attended the UURMaPA (Unitarian Universalist Retired Ministers and Partners) conference and spent a few extra days in Austin visiting the family of one of Anne’s Sicilian cousins.

What a trip it was!  It was only a week, but it was also a lifetime.  At the conference I told my life story, my odyssey, which wasn’t an easy thing to do. Like everyone, I have seen some hard times. It was emotional and difficult to speak of some of them.  The response from my colleagues in ministry and their partners was truly heartwarming.  The conference theme was on Unitarian Universalism’s history on GLBTQ issues.  And although we have been much more progressive on those issues than any other faith tradition that I know of, there was still a lot of pain expressed by ministers who came out in the early days. I loved the conference, and there were times I cried.  Tears are good though.

After the conference, we went to Austin to visit family that we had never met in person.  Frankly, we were a little nervous about meeting them.  They are religious Christians who attend a large Protestant church.  Would they embrace us for who we are, or simply tolerate us in “love the sinner, hate the sin” mode?  We were very moved by the warm welcome we received from them.  We also learned that one of the teenagers is president of the GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) at her school.  How assume is that?  It reminded me of our visit to Sicily where we were also nervous, and then we discovered that one of the young adult cousins was “Mr. Gay Europe” and that the family embraced him whole-heartedly.  Damn, I love our Italian family, and I am thrilled to now know the ones who live in Texas.   This warm and embracing family is yet another gift I have received from my marriage to Anne.

I tried to stay on-track with my weight loss program while I was gone, but it was hard.  I definitely drank less water.  The conference food had lots of good choices, but exercising was pretty much out as the programming started early and went into the evening.  Austin was a home-made Italian pasta dinner and a similar lunch, complete with impossible-to-resist pastry desserts.  They also took us out for an awesome steak fajitas lunch.  I skipped the rice and beans, but likely overate on the rest.  The meat was so tender and flavorful! The hotel had an exercise room, though, and we walked a lot touring around.  We will see what the scale shows this week, but my funky home scale doesn’t have a particularly frightening number on it.  It is all OK.  Everything is just grand in fact.  It is also good to be home.

L’Chaim!

.

The “Coffee House Concert Series,” presented by the Unitarian Universalist Community of Lake County, kicks off its third season on Saturday, Feb. 23. http://bit.ly/2Gw5qQY 

The “Coffee House Concert Series,” presented by the Unitarian Universalist Community of Lake County, kicks off its third season on Saturday, Feb. 23. http://www.lakeconews.com/index.php/arts-life/60064-coffee-house-concert-series-begins-on-feb-23 …

You know Beth Ferree and our awesome social justice team will be representing UUCOC! The Texas Unitarian Universalist Justice Ministry (TXUUJM) is hosting a Legislative Action Day in Austin on... https://www.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2498888180152360&id=112956552078880 …

I can get so dependent on technology.  My FitBit wasn’t syncing to my phone or to my computer one day this week and it really stressed me.  What’s the point of exercising if I don’t get “credit,” if the goal doesn’t turn green on my screens?  Luckily, I figured out how to fix it by searching help forums -basically I needed to turn my phone off and back on.  This technology stuff can be  frustrating, but I do love it when it works.  I also adjusted my calorie goals this as I had set them a little too low.  Even though I ate a bit more this last week, I still lost almost 3 pounds, which is maybe a little too much. I may have to get even more calories in so I can keep my loss rate healthy.  Eating enough is as important as not eating too much.  It is all about balance and health.

Last night we talked about body image which was very moving.  Our culture is so horrible that it can make us hate our bodies, particularly if we are young and female and don’t fit the “ideal” body type. I sang the group this song. “How Could Anyone” (Song here)

They did not seem to mind my less than stellar singing voice, but they got the message.  We are all beautiful.  I also told them that I loved them when I met them, and that I don’t love them more now because they are thinner.

Maybe it is because I gained most of my weight after my 40’s, or maybe because I am a lesbian in a very long term relationship, but I never really hated my “fat” body or was particularly ashamed of it.  It was just who I was, someone with an “Earth Mother Goddess” body.  If it wasn’t for the health issues, I would not have considered altering my body in any way.  I am also having some trouble adjusting to the thinner me. It is a little weird, and I feel somewhat less substantial, that it is just a little harder to “claim my space” in a crowd.  I will get used to it, and I am definitely appreciating the health benefits I have achieved through the weight loss.

Next week I am going to a conference for retired UU ministers and their partners.  It should be good, although I have a presentation to do so I am a bit nervous about that.  Ministers can be an intimidating audience.  And most retired ministers tend to have a lot more experience than I do, as I entered the ministry fairly late in life.  Once I get going, I know it will be fine; it always is.  The Spirit hasn’t let me down yet, so no worries.

The conference food is likely to be buffet style, so as long as there is protein and veggies I should be fine.  Finding time to exercise might be harder, as schedules tend to be packed.  I am also a bit nervous about the 4 extra days we are staying, as restaurant meals will be involved, and those can be harder to figure out.  But since I have been doing so well, it will actually be fine if I gain a bit that week.  So no stress!  Or at least not too much.

My life is getting better and I realize that is always how it has been for me.  The presentation I will give at the conference next week is on my life’s journey, my odyssey.  I wrote a poem about it this morning and will likely start my talk with it.  (the poem is here)

And, special for Valentines Day, the words I spoke to Anne at our legal wedding in July of 2013, (here)

(My stats for the last week – down 2.9  pounds, drank over 7 gallons of water and exercised for over 540 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 87.4  pounds.)

A church in Sherborn is honoring the 17 lives killed in the Parkland mass shooting one year ago today. 17 empty desks and chairs serve as a memorial to remember their lives. This display will be up until Saturday at Unitarian Universalist Church. #7News #MarjoryStonemanDouglaspic.twitter.com/bS8yUiHUql

Homer said that Odysseus

Angered a God

Which is why

His journey was so long

And hard.

He started as a prince

A wealthy man

But had trouble going home.

I think that’s right

I never read the poem.

Maybe it’s hard to start so high

That falling is a surprise.

I wouldn’t know.

That’s not my story.

I began in chaos,

My journey a hope-filled climb

As ever brighter vistas

Granted blessings on my way.

Sure, there have been dips and valleys

Times I’ve tripped and fallen.

But the trail keeps going higher

Where the sun has dared to shine.

Courage my companion

As love has been my guide.

On this stairway into heaven

A heaven here and now.

Maybe later too.

Who knows?

This has been enough.

Dayenu

At the Theodore Parker Unitarian-Universalist church this morning I learned a lot.

My sweat bands!  They came and they work super great.  Plus I had (most) of my hair cut off so it is easier to dry after a shower or the hot tub.  Once the weather warms up and I can start swimming again very short hair will be awesome as well.

I did OK on my exercise last week, not as good as the week before as one day I was just tired and took a break without getting my cardio hour in.  Still, with the sweat bands, I am now officially a jock.

Last night we talked about goal weights.  The ideal weight charts do much more harm than good.  What matters is our health, how we feel, how much energy we have, and whether we are reducing our risks for heart disease and diabetes.  I spoke about how I had changed my goal weight on my fitness apps, because the generated one was way too depressing.  As I calculate my calories in and calories out, I am looking for a deficit of 1000 so that I can continue to lose some weight while not losing my muscles.  Once I can get off a few more medications, it may be time to go for simple maintenance.  But it would be pointless to go to all this work and then go backward, sacrificing all the health benefit I have gained.  It is the reality that I will always have to pay attention to what I am putting into this body of mine.

My knees are still a mess and I am getting another cortisone shot today to help with the pain.  I will also see if I can now get on the list for knee surgery.  Once that happens, I may even be able to go hiking again!  That will feel like (another) miracle.

L’Chaim!

(My stats for the last week – down 1.8 pounds, drank over 7 gallons of water and exercised for over 575 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 84.5  pounds.)

SAVE THE DATE: Saturday, April 6th is our annual fundraising dinner! It will be at 5:30pm at the Unitarian Universalist Church in Muncie. More details to come. We are also looking for sponsors for the dinner! Each... https://www.facebook.com/awaken2002/posts/2213431318677756 …

I am a Unitarian Universalist and we welcome everyone.

Unitarian Universalist.

Our mantra last night was “it is a privilege to be able to exercise” because not every “body” can.  We do what we can in this life, and it isn’t always easy.  Sometimes, despite our best efforts, things don’t work out very well.

I have been taking advantage of that privilege lately, although the above statistics show stairs I did not climb.  It is apparently a glitch in the FitBit programming on the model I have.  The steps and active minutes are accurate though.  I will walk even more after I get my knees done, but for now it all feels pretty good.

I seem to be on a very positive roll these days, as I racked up another health improvement this week when my doctor reduced the dosage on some more of my medications.  One was for blood pressure.  I also learned from her that a heart medication I am taking slows my heart rate.  I will have to keep that in mind as I exercise.

I also decided I needed to get some sweat bands for my head.  The old bandana I have been using gets soaked too quickly. Who knew I would ever need something like sweat bands?  I am also watching my daily calorie burn and balancing it with my intake.  This is science!  I have always loved both data and science.  No “fake news” for me.  Knowledge and facts feed my brain and are helping me feed my body in much healthier ways.

This week I went from “Obese Category III” down to Category II.  It is not about the numbers I know, but so far my numbers are correlating well with the health improvements I am having.  Lets call it “progression analysis.” (That’s a math joke.)

L’Chaim!

(My stats for the last week – down 3 pounds, drank over 8 gallons of water and exercised for over 595 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 82.7  pounds.)

Giving Water to the Thirsty Now Officially a Crime: No More Deaths Volunteers Convicted - Unitarian Universalist Service Committee https://www.uusc.org/giving-water-to-the-thirsty-now-officially-a-crime-no-more-deaths-volunteers-convicted/ …

Attached media: https://web.archive.org/web/20211109165912/https://www.thefuun.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/The-Grace-Of-Calling-In-1.mp3

Introducing Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Cleveland! http://dlvr.it/Qxlytp 

I am lucky enough to live in very trans-friendly, progressive area of Cape Cod and to be a member of a Unitarian Universalist congregation, First Parish Brewster, which takes social justice, political activism, and LGBTQ rights very seriously. @lowercapeindiv @IndivisOC.

Reminder that our Imbolc Ritual is February 2nd at 11:00 a.m. Hope to see you there! — at Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Storrs https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=2486862601355584&id=115812861793915 …

I feel like I have turned some kind of corner, easing into this becoming an actual lifestyle rather than a tough program I am struggling to follow.  I am relaxing more about my food, feeling confident that I can do what I need to do.  I will continue to record everything I eat, because knowledge is power, but I can also decide to go over a few times and not stress about it.  Last week I asked Anne to pick up a half pound of  Molinari salami, my favorite comfort food, which was on sale.  She looked at me and asked if I was sure.  I said I wanted it and that I could handle it.  For the next 8 days I ate an ounce of the salami with a small orange for my afternoon snack.  In times past, I would have eaten all 8 ounces in one sitting.

We also went out to dinner and shared a dessert after a mostly sensible meal.  I am learning that I can sometimes just eat what I want, just not every day or for every meal.  I loved the dessert and I enjoyed the salami a lot, but it truly was enough.  (That “dayenu” refrain may become a recurring mantra for me.)

While I am easing off on my obsessive calorie counting, I am turning into an exercise nut.  I even started using a sweat band when riding my bike.  I check my Fitbit app often, watching for the various the goals to turn green when I have met them..  When I had my resting metabolic rate test, it came out at 1555.  Fitbit estimates 1677 based on my age, gender, and weight.  I will do another test at some point to see if there are changes.  But yeah, it is about figuring out what my body needs to be healthy.  I love data!

Our sweet facilitator has taken some of my (hopefully gentle) suggestions to heart.  We did a get-to-know each other exercise this week.  I do believe that members of a group have some responsibility for how the group functions.  Just like a congregation can lift up or tear down the minister (and I have experienced both kinds of congregations) so can group dynamics affect how well a facilitator does.  Connie is rocking right now, although the F-bombs my old cohort tends to drop seem to startle her a little.  I want to do whatever I can to help the group bond so we can support each other effectively, so I can get the support I need.  This isn’t something anyone can do alone.  Actually, there isn’t much of life that should be lived completely alone.  We all need some solitude and reflection time of course, but we are social animals.  We need each other.

We also talked about food behaviors that aren’t working for us and ways to change them.  Awareness, motivation, planning and rewards are all important.  With the food and exercise routines, I am on track, so I didn’t make any plans for myself other than keeping on doing what I am doing.  It was good to hear from others, though.

I changed the weight goals in my fitness and food apps yesterday.  For me, it has never been about the numbers, an ideal weight, or the size of clothes I can fit into, but about my health. So I just let the apps auto-select the goal numbers.  But it was starting to piss me off looking at a “to lose” number that is larger than what I have already done.  So I changed the number.  I know I need to lose more to take the enough pressure off my knees, so I somewhat randomly picked the number that will get me to the edge between the “obese” vs the “overweight” ranges for BMI.  When I get there, I can reevaluate, but it feels good to be more than half way there.

L’Chaim!

(My stats for the last week – down 2.1 pounds, drank over 8 gallons of water and exercised for over 610 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 79.7  pounds.)

Delivered by Dr. Martin Luther King. Jr. at the Unitarian Universalist Association General Assembly Hollywood, Florida May 18, 1966 "My own personal experience with Unitarian Universalism began... https://www.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2443864128988099&id=112956552078880 …

I am rising like a Phoenix

From old ashes once again

Life has so many valleys

Deep dungeons of despair

Perhaps you saw me there.

Or did you glimpse me on a mountaintop

Where sunlight kissed the highest peaks

I laughed and forged a pathway

Through the storms

Rising like a Phoenix once again

One more transformation

Shedding weights that held me down

So blessed to be reborn

Once more to dance with wisdom

Swimming in that river of mystery

Where grace awaits us all.

Mary Oliver, Prize-Winning Poet of the Natural World, Dies at 83. As a Cape Codder and Unitarian Universalist (I have frequently read her poems from the pulpit), I celebrate her life and mourn her death. https://nyti.ms/2Hinv6o?smid=nytcore-ios-share …

Robert Gould Shaw deserves to be remembered and Brook Farm is an important American legacy. I often attend the Theodore Parker Unitarian-Universalist Church when I am in the Boston area. There is much to learn. http://newbrookfarm.org/from-brook-farm-to-glory-a-life-of-robert-gould-shaw/ …

When I have attended Passover Seders, I have enjoyed singing the song Dayenu.

The word means,”it would have been enough” and the song has 15 stanzas representing 15 gifts from God. The first five involve freeing the Jews from slavery, the next describe miracles, and the last five are about closeness to God.  Each of the stanzas is followed by the word “Dayenu” (it would have been enough), sung repeatedly.

Last week I found out that I no longer have diabetes.  It would have been enough. Dayenu.

This week I got the results of a recent sleep study and found that my sleep apnea has gone from moderate/severe to mild.  I may be able to ditch my C-pap machine before much longer. It would have been enough. Dayenu

I don’t expect 15 miracles.  But these are only the most recent  two.  Earlier ones were:

Not having lymphedema in my legs anymore Dayenu

Marked improvement in the lipodermatoschlerosis which was also in my legs and very painful. Dayenu

So I am up to at least 4.   Dayenu

OK, maybe 5.  I am able to exercise a lot more. Dayenu Maybe I am turning into a “jock” now that I have a Fitbit to vibrate and tell me to move.

Last week’s report:

I have exercise goals which I am writing down here to keep me accountable:

Exercise seven days a week.

Do at least 60 cardio minutes at least 6 out of every 7 days

Walk at least 250 steps every hour for 9 hours every day.

I am not doing a step goal as my knee is still quite wonky.

Class was great this week!  We had a couple of new folks and we spent time going around the room with everyone participating.   I learn so much every time we do this.   One woman talked about how she is no longer afraid of working up a sweat when exercising, which brought home for me the fact that I can now exercise hard enough to sweat.  Success.  Sweat is good.

A few other people talked about how others in the group were their inspiration for both beginning and sticking with the program.  It reminded me of the 12th step:

“Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

This program has a spiritual component I think and helping each other is a part of the practice.

We also talked about our heart rates and exercise.

And I got 2 pairs of new pants this week.  They fit – but maybe not for long as I am still shrinking!

(My stats for the last week – down 2 pounds, drank over 8 gallons of water and exercised for over 565 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 77.6  pounds.)

Attached media: https://web.archive.org/web/20211109162648/https://theresauuco.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/img_2121.jpg

The pics are me in my exercise clothes.  I get real hot and sweaty on the bike and these help.

This journey has always been about improving my health, and not simply changing a number on a scale.  That said, the weight loss, the drastic change in my diet and regular exercise has yielded some real health results for me.  I was diagnosed with diabetes around 10 years ago and have been taking Metformin daily since that time.  I have kept my diabetes under relatively good control since I was diagnosed, watching my carbohydrate intake and limiting it to roughly 45 grams per meal.  I was not concerned about fats, protein, or calories though and continued to slowly gain weight.  My diabetes was stable, but I still needed the medication.

My A1c’s had been fine, always under the 7.  They were improving once I started this program, and began hovering between 5.9 and 6, very good numbers for a diabetic, in the “prediabetic range”.

Then, just yesterday, I got a call from my medical provider who told me my A1c (the test for blood sugar) was down to 5.4, which is in the normal range.    I was told I could stop taking the Metformin and that I now have a “history of diabetes” but that I am no longer a diabetic!  I did not even know this was possible, so I am both stunned and thrilled!  And yes, I have been working very hard, but some of it is clearly just luck, as others who work just as hard don’t have the same result. I am very grateful that my body is able to respond to my efforts and that my health is improving in this dramatic way.

Last week, when I wrote in anticipation about our anniversary dinner out, I said that I would have a martini but skip dessert.  Well, at the end of the meal, they brought our a piece of s’mores pie with two candles.  How could I not eat half?  It wasn’t that long ago that restaurant employees would assume we were just friends.  I clearly owed it to the GLBT community to eat that dessert with the love of my life! I did skip the crust, but the marshmallow, soft meringue topping and chocolate chunks were simply awesome and I enjoyed every bite.

I am learning that planning is important, but so is living life, adjusting as needed before and/or after.  I had exercised and saved up some calories earlier that day, and did the same the day afterward.  That one over-the-top meal did not impact my ongoing progress.

Last Sunday, I had the privilege of preaching again (sermon – here).  I love leading worship and it gives me energy.  It is interesting that I had over 6100 steps that day, more than any other day to date.  There are physical demands in preaching, part of why I had to give it up for awhile.  My knee was throbbing at the end of that day, but it was so worth it!

We had a substitute facilitator last night and it was a pleasure again to be with the woman who had guided us through the intensive phase of the program.  She was able to draw stories and examples from people in the group that she knew well.   The checkins were a bit deeper than usual as a result.  The issue came up of what to do when you are feeling bad about yourself, because guilt and shame are avenues that lead to failure and despair.  So many of us are raised to be such perfectionists, which can create a vicious cycle.  We try to be perfect and fail because perfection is impossible, then we simply stop trying and feel even worse.  I offered the following poem which a friend had posted online earlier this week and which helped me.

by Rev. Dick Gilbert.

In the midst of the whirling day,
In the hectic rush to be doing,
In the frantic pace of life,
Pause here for a moment.
Catch your breath;
Relax your body;
Loosen your grip on life.
Consider that our lives are always unfinished business;
Imagine that the picture of our being is never complete;
Allow your life to be a work in progress.
Do not hurry to mold the masterpiece;
Do not rush to finish the picture;
Do not be impatient to complete the drawing.
From beckoning birth to dawning death we are in process,
And always there is more to be done.
Do not let the incompleteness weigh on your spirit;
Do not despair that imperfection marks your every day;
Do not fear that we are still in the making.
Let us instead be grateful that the world is still to be created;
Let us give thanks that we can be more than we are;
Let us celebrate the power of the incomplete;
For life is always unfinished business.

The rest of the class was a discussion of artificial sweeteners. It was a good discussion but not very relevant for me.  I gave up my diet Coke addiction years ago, switching to water or unsweetened iced tea on hot summer days.  I have always tried to avoid overly processed foods and still cook from scratch with simple ingredients and sometimes complex spices.  I am just passing on the orange juice and leaving out most of the butter, cheese, pasta and bread that I used to eat.

The Fitbit is still keeping me moving.  I finished the “Valley loop” this week, one of the virtual adventures on the app for the device.

No longer having diabetes will take some time to sink in.  What an amazing result and so unexpected!

(My stats for the last week – down 1.4 pounds, drank over 8 gallons of water and exercised for over 510 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 75.6  pounds.)

At a press conference this morning regarding Miguel Ramirez Valiente, an undocumented immigrant from El Salvador who has sought sanctuary from deportation at All Souls Unitarian Universalist Church in Colorado Springs. @csgazette #Immigrationpic.twitter.com/RzAQt7p3kl

Took this religion quiz for one of my classes and my results say I'm a Unitarian Universalist ???

This month’s worship theme is on covenant.  A covenant is essentially a promise, but it is a deeper and more faithful promise than an ordinary one.  It is not easy or thoughtless.

Socrates, the ancient Greek philosopher that lived in 400 BCE is quoted as saying that “the unexamined life is not worth living.”

I am not sure that I completely agree with him on that. Life, all life, has value.  There are animals that do not have a capacity for self-reflection, but their lives are worth living.  Those of you who have shared your lives with special animal friends know this to be true.

But Socrates’ point is a good one.  Because we have thecapacity to examine our lives, it can be a waste to simply live them without ever thinking about their meaning.

The 20^thcentury Unitarian theologian James Luther Adams took Socrates’ statement in a different direction.  He said:

“An unexamined faith is not worth having, for it can be true only by accident. A faith worth having is faith worth discussing and testing…

No authority, including the authority of individual conviction, is rightly exempt from discussion and criticism.”

Adams was also pretty blunt when he said:

“The free person does not live by an unexamined faith. To do so is to worship an idol whittled out and made into a fetish. . . . the faith that cannot be discussed is a form of tyranny.” (Adams, The Prophethood of All Believers 1986, 48).

An unexamined faith is not worth having.

So how do we, as Unitarian Universalists, examine our faith?  How do we examine our lives and learn how to follow a principled path, one that makes us feel more alive and one that can help us make a positive difference for our world?

We don’t have a common creed, a set of particular beliefs.  As individuals, we have many different ideas about God, and we have a wide variety of opinions about almost everything.

We do have some things, however, that we have agreed upon.  Anyone want to hazard a guess as to what those things are?

Yes, we have our seven principles.

In case you can’t remember them, they are listed in the front of the grey hymnal.  It might be useful to turn to them.  Note the words at the beginning, “we the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association covenant to affirm and promote.”

The UU Congregation of Marin is one of those member congregations.  We have, as a religious institution, covenanted, or promised, to affirm and promote the seven principles.

Some people consider our seven principles a creed. Many of us when we first read them, said, “That is exactly what I believe!” I did that.

But let’s examine those principles. Note that the introductory line doesn’t say “we believe.”  It says that we covenant – that we promise to affirm and promote those seven things. As Unitarian Universalists, we make promises; promises to do things. The seven principles of Unitarian Universalism are not statements of belief, but rather constitute an action plan that we try to follow both as congregations and as individuals. Action plans! Don’t you love it?

What is your favorite principle? Call it out!

The majority of Unitarian Universalists are most strongly drawn to either to our first principle or to our seventh.   They are certainly the most often quoted in sermons and in conversations when you are trying to explain to someone what Unitarian Universalism is all about.

And while people can certainly have favorite principles, I believe it is also important to examine them together.

Our first principle uplifts the rights of the individual and asks us to respect everyone’s inherent worth and dignity.    The seventh principle, respect for the interconnected web, asks us to remember than we are all part of something much larger than ourselves.

(Holding up hands) The first principle is about the individual and the seventh is about community. Individual – community.  How do we hold those two in balance?  We can sometimes struggle with the tension between those two principles.  I know I did as a supervisor and as a new Unitarian Universalist.  I had to weigh the needs and problems of an individual employees with the needs of both the larger work team and the mission we were charged with accomplishing.

The tension between these two principles can also surface within our churches.

How does a congregation respond to an individual whose behavior is truly disruptive, maybe someone who makes racist, homophobic, anti-Semitic or sexist comments? If we can’t find a way to call them back into covenant and remind them of our first principle, what do we do?

Do we ignore it, or do we find ways to encourage them to change their behavior so that we can create the warm and welcoming religious community we all want and need?

Being welcoming to all does not necessarily mean being welcoming to all types of behavior.

Sometimes the balance has to shift from the individual toward the interconnected web, or community side of the equation.  It is never simple.  This isn’t an easy faith.

Sometimes it can feel like there is an inherent conflict between our first and seventh principles.  Maybe we should just choose one and be done with it.

It gets easier if you consider them in relationship with each other.

Isn’t part of respecting someone’s worth and dignity letting them know when they are doing something that diminishes or damages another person or group of people? Sometimes it is more respectful to speak the truth and offer the possibility of change, than simply saying, “Oh, that’s just the way they are; they always do that.”

Similarly, the seventh principle respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part is about a lot more than respecting the environment.

It says we are all connected.  It says every individual with all of their inherent worth and dignity is connected to every other individual.

Sometimes we forget that we have seven principles, not just two, and that they are all interrelated. The first and seventh principles are like bookends, and we need to take the time to read the books as well.

What’s in the middle of the bookshelf? What is our 4th principle?  It is OK to look it up.

Bingo. A free and responsible search for truth and meaning is the correct answer.

I would argue that the 4^thprinciple is the most important one and that the other 6 lead us there, supporting us on the path of examining our lives and our faith.

Our second principle, justice, equity and compassion in human relations points to the sixth, the goal of world community with peace, liberty and justice for all;

The second principle is about how we promise to treat individuals, while the sixth is what that means on a larger scale.  It is the same as the relationship between the 1^stand seventh. Individual — community.

The second and sixth also define the goals or mission that follow from the first and seventh principles: positive and respectful relationships between all people and all nations.

The third principle is acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations and the fifth is the right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;

Those two contain some of the specifics of the action plan.  Accept one another, encourage spiritual growth, respect the right of conscience and use the democratic process when making decisions.

They tell us what to do as we engage in a free and responsible search for truth and meaning.

Free (one hand) Responsible (other hand)

Individual – Community

Our principles contain the essence of dramatic tension. Everyone who wants to live ethically, in right relationship to other people and to the world, to examine their life and their faith, struggles with contradictions.  How do we search for truth and meaning?  How do we discover the meaning of our lives and what we are called to do with them?

Today is Epiphany in the Christian tradition.  One definition of epiphany is a, usually sudden, perception of the essential nature or meaning of something.  As we examine our faith and our lives, sometimes we are looking for an epiphany, an understanding that will help lead us on our life’s journey.

But how can we begin that search for truth and meaning?

The Buddha sat beneath a tree waiting for enlightenment. Moses climbed a mountain. Jesus went into the wilderness.  They were seeking truth and meaning, wondering what their lives were really about, what their “action plan” should be.

Haven’t we all experienced that feeling?  We wonder why we are here, if our life has any purpose, any meaning beyond whatever societal success we might attain or not.  What is the point?

Does it really matter what we do and how we live?

To find the answers to those questions, we have to go deep, very deep, inside of ourselves.  We have to look in the mirror and see our whole selves, our failings as well as our gifts.  Who am I? Why am I here?  What am I called to do?

Who are you? Why are you here?

What will you do with your one wild and precious life, as the poet Mary Oliver asks?

Sitting with those feelings can be scary.

Fear has so many dimensions: fear of failure, fear of success, fear of ridicule, fear of power, fear of the unknown.

But while we are sitting beneath the tree, while we are wandering in the metaphorical desert, while we are drawing in whatever wisdom we can find, we also need to be turning ourselves inside out, and finding a path into the world.

The Buddha did not stay beneath his tree, he was called by the suffering he saw around him to go back into the world.  Moses came down from the mountain to lead his people to the Promised Land.  Jesus came back from the desert and began casting out demons and healing the sick.  Harriet Tubman went back down south to free more slaves.

Howard Thurman said, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

There is a place, deep within each of us, that knows what will make us come alive. We can follow a principled path.

I will end with these words by Leslie Becknell:

“What kind of case could be made to convict you of full-fledged whole-hearted Unitarian Universalism? What do you do when life calls on you to live out your principles? When someone’s opinion is different than yours. When someone at the committee meeting interrupts and goes off on a tangent. When your beloved doesn’t take out the trash. . . . When you request that your employer make a policy change. When you are living your life every day.

I won’t challenge you to memorize the principles. I invite you to learn them by heart and be willing to back them up with the life you lead”

From: “Learning the Principles by Heart” Leslie Becknell

Amen and blessed be

I don’t want to sound like a commercial, but the Fitbit Anne gave me for Christmas is making a real difference.  I also paid the $30 (per year) to upgrade from the free version of Lose It so it could send my meal info to Fitbit.  I have always loved technology and this one is so fun.  Like Santa , it knows when I’ve been sleeping and tells me how much REM and deep sleep time I got the night before.  The exercise programs are a motivation and much easier than timing my exercise on my phone.  It tells me to take 250 steps every hour and it is hard to ignore a vibration on my wrist.  Best are the “adventure” challenges.  This week I virtually hiked the Vernal Falls trail in Yosemite, something I have done in real life at least 30 times, starting when I was a child and taking my own children there.  I know that trail in my bones although I haven’t been able to hike it in many years.  So fun to do it virtually and see the photos of places I know so well.  I start the “Valley Loop” today.  At 35, 899 steps, that will take me almost a week.

At group this week we talked about resolutions, goals, and intentions, and what the different definitions are.  I said that I like to use the language of covenant, which is a more of a sacred promise, something you come back to again and again, even if at times you falter.  (I am preaching on this topic this Sunday.)

I am trying to learn the names of the new-to-me people in our group.  It was easier this week as there were 3 men named John.  I try to use people’s names when I speak to or about them, and will try and model this more often in the group.  Knowing someone’s name is the first step in making a real connection.  In a support group, knowing each other’s names is critical I think.  It can be hard, because people drop in and out and the facilitator has lots of classes with lots of people.  It is kind of like congregational life, I guess,  and as a minister there were always people whose names I did not know.  But I’d rather ask for a name multiple times, than skip over what is a need-to know.

One of the John’s made a comment that struck me.  He said that now that he is no longer fat, he feels like he is who he was always meant to be.  Body and spirit both was the implication.  So much of our fat shaming culture eats away at our sense of dignity about who we are and/or who we have been.  I hate that.  There is virtue is setting a goal and accomplishing it, but there is no shame in failing.  This stuff is hard. Life is hard.

A colleague posted a question today about experiences with food and shame.  The following is what I wrote in response:

“Growing up working class, and having a large garden, there was always enough food although the quality declined as the month ended and the money grew tight. We celebrated with rich food when the money came in. Free food has always been particularly hard for me to resist, storing up for some intrinsic fear of scarce times I think.  I was thin until my mid 30’s, but eating has always provided some emotional comfort for me.  It started when I was a child eating potato chips or saltines with butter late at night when the house was chaotic and going out for pizza with my mom when my father was very drunk and we needed to get out of the house. It is funny, now that I am in a serious weight loss program (because of my personal health needs, NOT because being fat is inherently unhealthy!) for the first time in my life I am only hungry right before mealtimes. I have never felt a lot of shame about eating or my size, even when I was over 300 pounds, although I was frequently upset and pissed about others reactions to my size. It is OK to use. my name.  I am who I am.”

We are going out to dinner tonight for our 44th anniversary.  I will save up some calories so I can have a martini with the meal, but I won’t get dessert this year.  I will order a reasonably sensible entree, but if I go over in calories today I now know one meal will not sabotage my progress.  I am feeling good and it is time to get on the stationary bike and start walking the valley loop trail.

(My stats for the last week – down 1.9 pounds, drank over 8 gallons of water and exercised for over 510 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 74.2  pounds.)

Listening to Marie give our final sermon of 2018 and usher us into 2019 with some wisdom and meditation. — at Universalist Unitarian Church of Riverside https://www.facebook.com/13303797/posts/10101362239837374/ …

Just posted a photo @ Unitarian-Universalist Fellowship of Rocky Mount https://www.instagram.com/p/Br7tI3QHP_g/?utm_source=ig_twitter_share&igshid=1be2h63yd8sqm …

I have a truly amazing support system.  On Christmas Eve, “Secret Santa” from my group left the note above on my porch song with a goodie bag full of fabulous stickers, trinkets and small gifts, including a cute chicken kitchen timer and a fluid measuring glass.  Do I feel the love?  Yes, I do.

And my beloved Anne gave me a Fitbit (one that I can wear in the pool to track swimming too), a mini-colander to wash my morning blueberries, measuring spoons with size markings I can read, jogging pants that won’t fall off for a few more months at least, and Michelle Obama’s book, which I can read on the exercise bike.  I may be forgetting something, but do I feel the love? Yes, I do.

Weirdly enough, it seems to be getting easier in a lot of ways.  I am drinking more than a gallon every day now, finishing the jug by dinner and wanting more.  I did 420 minutes of exercise this week, and it was easier than the week before.  I had veal marsala and a martini on  Christmas eve, and ate a potluck dinner at a friend’s house on Christmas – and I still lost almost 2 pounds.

During class we talked about lessons learned this last year.  There has been so much!  For me personally, I think I now can relax just a little more, turn down the volume on my compulsiveness, and partake of an occasional treat.  As long as I keep my focus most of the time, it will really be OK  to plan to do something different once in awhile.  Planning is the key.  I knew I would have a martini this week so I ate a bit lighter earlier in that day.  I also knew I would be unhappy if I just got sauceless fish so the veal was a decent option that tasted fabulous.  The leftovers were good as well.  Watching people eat the bread and olive oil, and sharing a dessert was a little harder, but the veal and martini did it for me, and once it came, I did not feel deprived.

2019 will be a good year.  2020 will be even better if we can pull off a landslide election that will end this political nightmare we have been living in for forever it seems.

(My stats for the last week – down 1.9  pounds, drank over 8 gallons of water and exercised for 420 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 72.3 pounds.)

Tomorrow will be the first time I improvise with synth players and vocalists. It'll be in Rocky Mount, at a free show. More details soon. @ Unitarian-Universalist Fellowship of Rocky… https://www.instagram.com/p/Br5UHAUHhT9/?utm_source=ig_twitter_share&igshid=zw5etohpgz98 …

I HAD NO IDEA ST VINCENT WAS UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST IM SHOOK

I forgot that this was the season that Sandor became a Unitarian Universalist

#Compassion. #Kindness. #Sanctuary. #Helping. #Refugees. #UnitarianUniversalist #SanctuaryChurch #RefugeeProtectionUnit #CivilDefenseCorps https://www.gofundme.com/refugee-protection-unit?sharetype=teams&member=1349866&rcid=r01-154549522171-5bfb4a3c0a944809&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w …

I made the exercise goal of 420 minutes.  It almost killed me but I did it!  I rode the bike in 20-40 minute segments twice a day.  It is amazing how the idea of a prize can motivate me.  We get “stamps” for attendance at meetings, logging our calories, and exercising for 420 minutes a week.  When we have enough stamps, the card is entered into a drawing for a Whole Foods gift certificate.  I don’t even like that store; it is so pretentious and overpriced, but I want to win so I am wearing out the stationary bike until spring when I can swim again.  It’s a mind game I am playing with myself.

We had a interesting discussion in class last night.  Does doing something hard, like this program, improve your life in other ways?  Does it open up other possibilities for you, other challenges that you might tackle? Does it make you more empathetic to others, because you know how hard things can be, or does it make your more judgmental because after all you have had success, so why can’t everybody else?   Of course I went to the theological in this.  It reminds me of the old salvation by grace versus salvation by character argument.  The Universalists and Unitarians, coming from either side of that issue, decided to just live in the tension of that theological debate.  I do believe that hard work helps, but a little luck helps even more.  Everything does NOT happen for a reason, much of life is simply random, and sometimes good hard-working, truly wonderful people, simply do not succeed or even manage to survive.   We do what we can, and hope for the best.  Try to love life and love each other; be generous and be kind.  If nothing else, the world will be a little bit better because we lived. As a Unitarian Universalist I believe that all will end up in whatever heaven is, and also that we can, with our efforts, create a little heaven right here.

(My stats for the last week – down 1.4  pounds, drank over 7 gallons of water and exercised for 420 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 70.4 pounds.)

Unity Temple Unitarian Universalist Congregation has released a letter stating its opposition to the proposed 28-story tower proposed by developer Golub & Company about half a block away from Frank Lloyd Wright's masterpiece Unity Temple. https://www.oakpark.com/News/Articles/12-19-2018/Unity-Temple-congregation-opposes-Golub-tower/ …

Cc @sunrisemvmt @pwcdanica @UniteThePoor @UUClimateAction @EnvDefenseFund @WECAN_INTL @CCAN @CJAOurPower @southerlymag @splcenter @SouthernEnvCent @LawyersComm @FoodFaithHealth @NPRHealth @BlackLivesUU @DMVBlackLives @virginia_naacp @1010 @GCAS2018 @AppVoices @Appalshop

Talk about the magic of the holidays! What a wonderful surprise to receive this in the mail from our friends at @unitarian universalist society of greater springfield. Thank you SO much! Your contribution covers 2 weeks of community programming! #holidaymagic #springfieldmapic.twitter.com/kk4tosqCpw

The quality of light in the morning is something to behold.

The warm breath of the sun falls gently on the mountain and on the bay.

Wake up because it is a new day.

As a member of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Fresno (UUCF), we drink a lot of wine, but I'm sure we could add Gin to our potluck drinks. We also like to piss off people by hanging our BLM banner and Pride flag out front. Thanks for the shout out. Come visit us sometime!! pic.twitter.com/rbSMjk7Udq

I had a “non-scale victory” this week because I was able to attend a rally, and even speak before the County Board of Supervisors that same evening.  See “Ice Out of Marin” for what I said.  I could not have physically done this a few months ago.  It was still physically difficult.  The rally was held on uneven grass, with no real seating.  The civic center halls are also very long.  Between those two things my knees were cracking, throbbing and popping that night and throughout the next day.  I made a joke on Facebook saying, “although I wanted ICE out of our county, I still need some ice for my knees.”  A sense of humor helps get me through, not just with doing this hard program, but also with coping with all the truly evil things happening in the world. .

I was also able to wear my clerical shirt with its collar and could button ALL the buttons!  Victory!  In my tradition, clerical collars are not routinely worn in our churches.  Instead, we wear stoles and some of us robe when leading services.  In more recent years, however, many Unitarian Universalist ministers have begun wearing collars during public witness events.  It is a very recognizable symbol that we are ordained clergy and it can add a tad of religious and moral authority to what we say.  The clergy shirt I ordered online a few years ago never really fit me before, but this last week it did!    Thinking back to my list of the reasons I began this program, being able to attend social justice events was on that list.  (Click here for my full list) here. )  Yay!  Just Yay!

Class was good this week.  It was particularly fun because it was a smallish group and all but two of the attendees were people from my cohort.  We are so well bonded that we can tease each other and laugh hysterically.  One man was talking about eating crab and some of us heard “crap” – not much of a stretch because “crap food” is something most of us have known all too well.  The rest of the class, he said “Cra -buh.”  Maybe you had to be there, but it was hilarious.  I also think I remember pretending to be a crab in boiling water, raising my claws and making drowning noises, but maybe I just thought about doing that.  We were pretty rowdy and I hope we did not upset our facilitator who is still getting used to us. Laughter helps though.  It really does.

One more wonderful thing happened this week.  Because of this blog I connected with an old friend who I hadn’t seen in at least 25 years.  She finished the active part of the program about a year ago, and is in a “lifestyles” group in a nearby city.  We talked non-stop for almost 3 hours when she came by to see us and we have plans to get together again.  We mainly just got caught up on our lives and our kids, but she also had some program tips for me as well.  (COLD water is better, the body burns calories heating it up – who would have known?)

I will be working on exercising more in the weeks to come.  The goal now is 420 minutes.  I might have made close to that if it were not for getting a shingles shot on Monday. The shot reaction knocked me out for a bit.  I was down 2.6 pounds anyway, making up for my very slight gain of .2 pounds last week,.  Yay again, just yay.

(My stats for the last week – down 2.6  pounds, drank over 7 gallons of water and exercised for 315 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 69 pounds.)

A reminder that our Yule ritual is this Saturday, 12/15 at the Unitarian Universalist Church in Storrs!! Hope to see you there!

Theological labels: theist, agnostic, atheist—Christian, Buddhist, Jew—on and on. How many of you tend to feel that such labels tend to be confining? That it doesn’t have to be exclusively either/or but it could be both/and? 

That, furthermore, your sense of the spiritual search is free and open-ended, and maybe you strongly identify with one particular label today, but who knows about a year from today?

If this describes you, then welcome to the Unitarian Universalist way! This is our religious style. We don’t want to be pigeonholed in a way that falsifies the richness and the complexity of our personal spiritual identities. 

We want freedom to grow as the Spirit prompts. As experience teaches. As life leads. 

But having said all this, I still want to affirm the usefulness of labels insofar as they can stimulate deeper self-reflection about what it is we do and do not believe. Does agnosticism express who I am better than something else, at this time in my life? Do I find greater personal resonance with the teachings of the Buddha than with Jesus? 

How can these labels and categories help me get a clearer sense of what my heart years for, what my head tells me is reasonable, what my soul says is true? 

Maybe the story my heart, head, and soul tell will be different in the future, but the task of life is not to live in the future but to live deeply right now.  

I’m talking about honest self-understanding about one’s personal credo. It’s what Socrates talked about long ago, how the examined life is the one truly worth living. And this, too, is integral to the Unitarian Universalist way. Deeply knowing who we are. Not being controlled by unconscious attitudes and taken-for-granted assumptions. 

Cultivating theological authenticity. 

Which brings us to my message today. I want to offer up my own personal credo. Why I am a Theistic Humanist. I do this because I have always seen the preaching art as simply this: demonstrating one person’s creative struggle with the truth. If what I offer up is flawed (and every message inevitably is), my only hope is that it will inspire and energize your own creative struggle with truth, in whatever direction is right for you, whether or not that direction aligns with mine. 

As we Unitarian Universalists say like to say: “Free pulpit, free pew.”

I’ll start with the theistic part. I am a theist. I believe in God. Now before I go any further, I need to tell you all the ways in which I am an atheist too. Because, in fact, it all depends upon the version of God you are talking about. There are lots of versions out there that simply do not ring true to my philosophical training and conscience and intuition. 

Take, for example, the God that somehow stands outside of the natural order of the universe, who intervenes supernaturally in ways that favor one person over another or one tribe over another. I’m an atheist relative to this kind of God. I’ll never understand prayer as the act of persuading God to do something God might not do otherwise; I’ll never understand worship as the act of currying special favor withheld from others. 

It makes no sense to me whatsoever.

Or take another conception of God. The God that has become locked inside the metaphor of maleness. The God that is male and therefore legitimizes exclusively male leadership in society and in churches. The God that could never be seen from a feminine angle and so the thought of the universe as being birthed organically into existence seems completely ridiculous. The God that must be addressed only as Father. 

I’m an atheist towards this kind of God. 

Or consider yet another understanding of God. God as all-powerful, with unlimited ability to act. Well, tell me how this God can create a boulder that is so heavy that even God can’t lift it? Or create a square circle? 

Or take one of the most serious objections of all time. If this all-powerful God is also an all-good God, then how can God remain passive in the face of all the pain and all the suffering this earth has seen and sees now? How can God remain silent? I’m not talking about the kinds of suffering that lead to soul-making—the kinds that a good parent must allow his or her child to fall into, so that they might learn wisdom first-hand, which is the only way it can be learned. No. I’m talking about excessive, out-of-proportion suffering. The murder of six million Jews. The excruciating death of a single, innocent, beautiful child. Does the suffering of this earth need to be so awfully extreme for us to learn our lessons? Isn’t there a limit? 

When is enough enough? 

I’m an atheist towards the kind of God that has unlimited ability to act, and is all-good, but doesn’t act to save us from kinds of suffering that unmake our souls, crush them, rip them apart.  

All these ideas about God. I don’t believe them. But even so, even so, I still experience within me a longing for the Infinite, a yearning for Ultimacy, a spiritual intuition of a Larger Life—and together, they tell me that there is far more to this universe that meets the eye of the flesh and the eye of common sense intellect. Just as the wings of a bird point to the reality of air and wind (and would be evolutionarily absurd and inexplicable otherwise), so the wings of my heart and soul point to the reality of a Higher Power. They point to a Being that is in and beyond all things and is known by many names around the world: Brahman, Adonai, Allah, Ram, Great Spirit, the Peace that Passes Understanding, the Still Small Voice Within, Love, Goddess, God. From around the world, from all times, there is the testimony of prophets, saints, mystics, wise men and wise women who have seen and know that there is a Reason for why anything at all exists, rather than nothing. 

There is a Being that the spiritual yearning in our hearts points to. 

I read the Hindu saint and mystic, Ramana Maharshi, and he says, “God’s grace is the beginning, the middle, and the end. When you pray for God’s grace, you are like someone standing neck-deep in water and yet crying for water. It is like saying that someone neck-deep in water feels thirsty, or that a fish in water feels thirsty, or that water feels thirsty.”  

I read the Unitarian saint and mystic, Ralph Waldo Emerson, and he says, “When we have broken our god of tradition, and ceased from our god of rhetoric, then may God fire the heart with His presence.”

This is my credo. I affirm the label of “theist” because it is the way I have to travel to understand and articulate my deepest knowing. It is awareness that God is ever present and the only question I ever need to ask myself is, “But where am I?” It is responsibility to cease from tradition and from rhetoric whenever it obscures the God who can fire the heart with God’s presence. 

God helps me to understand who I am, here and now, on this earth. 

So what idea of God do I prefer? It comes from a contemporary theological tradition known as process theology. In snapshot, soundbite form, here it is. 

Wriggle your fingers for me. As you do that, you have demonstrated the reality of the consciousness within you that is over and above your body. You and I feel our bodies and think about them; we hope things for them and envision goals and futures; and it’s the same thing with God. 

God has a conscious side, and this complements God’s physical side. God is the physical body of the universe, the substance and the process. Process theology tells me that it is all sacred: galaxies and stars, trees and animals. You are I are cells in God’s body. 

The world is in God, and God is more than the world, just like we human beings show up in physical forms, but then our minds transcend the physical and have hopes and dreams and plans for our bodies. 

This is the snapshot version of process theology that I first encountered at seminary in Chicago when I discovered the work of a fellow Unitarian Universalist called Charles Hartshorne, who happens to be one of the most distinguished American scholars of the 20^th century.

And there are tremendous implications that his theory has for how we understand what it means to be a spiritual being having a human experience. 

One of these implications is that God simply cannot force the universe to do whatever God wants. Accidents happen. Evil happens. God’s power is not unlimited. The universe has creative independence and freedom, just like your own body when it ages, or gets sick. Your mind doesn’t want your body to develop liver spots (perhaps); your mind doesn’t want your body to get sick, but it does anyhow, and we must learn how to deal with that. You can’t supernaturally will your liver spots away, or stay 22 years old forever. Similarly, God simply can’t barge into the world and supernaturally violate the laws of physics and biology and stop this and start that. 

What God can do, however, is influence the world from the inside, just like, for example, how cancer patients might participate in their own healing. Cancer patients visualize their immune system as strong, as powerful, as potent, and the immune system responds. Similarly, God visualizes blessing and healing for this world, and if we (the cells in God’s body) are open to it, we can respond and receive. 

Nothing supernatural here at all. 

God influences the world from the inside, showers continual blessing up on us, impartially, universally, and does it without us having to ask. But the world has creative independence too, and so the blessing might not be received, we might not practice spiritual disciplines like forgiveness or meditation that cleanse the doors of our perception and open us up. God is right here, right now, but where are we?  

This is simply the reality and risk of freedom.  

Process theology takes freedom seriously. 

And now I must stop here. There’s so much more that could be said! The process theology vision of God works in this age of science, and its ideas are far from the tradition and rhetoric that Emerson spoke of, which stifle passion.

But now it’s time to explore the rest of my credo. I am not just a theist, but a theistic humanist! 

But what is humanism? As with theism, there are all sorts of varieties of humanism. Often the word “humanism” is coupled with atheism or agnosticism, but not for me. 

For me, humanism completes my theism and gives it direction. It gives it hands and feet.  

Here’s what I mean. Start with the humanist emphasis on religion making a difference here and now, in this world. It’s the insight that runs like a golden thread through the central mission of all healthy and growing Unitarian Universalist congregations: to change lives. It’s the gold test for the validity of any spiritual idea or practice: how is it helping me be a better person? How is it strengthening me and motivating me to challenge evil and injustice in this world? 

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Every world religion says this, all the great saints and sages. But because I grew up in North America, in a land where Christianity looms large, I learned this first from reading stories about Jesus. That great humanist. Once a man came to him and said, “Master, what must I do to be saved,” and Jesus said, “Love God, and love your neighbor as yourself.” The emphasis was always compassion over legalism. 

Always. 

This is one way in which my humanism gives my theism direction. Express your love for God through acts of love towards people. If you are hateful towards people, how can that be authentic spirituality?   

But then my humanism says to me, Pay attention. It says, Be careful. It says all this because even though religious ideals and commitments have inspired some of the best examples of human behavior, they have also inspired some of the worst. At times it has made people into saints, at other times it has made people into beasts. 

We see it in the news every day. 

The humanist theme here is that of the dangers of ignorance and superstition, which of course afflict humanity in all its affairs, not just religion. Yet religion is one of the most powerful and persuasive forces on earth. On earth, it can create heaven, or unleash hell. And religion is not going away. It is here to stay. 

So this is another way in which my humanism gives my theism direction. It makes me suspicious of any kind of religious community that denies me elbow-room for doubt or skepticism. It turns me into a critic of any system of God-belief that serves false idols like absolutism, or blind obedience, or end-time prophecies, or Holy War. It sends me into this world wanting to show people a better way of thinking and talking about God, or of reading the Bible, that is not based on authoritarianism, or fear. It inspires me to do what I can to maintain the separation between religion and state, or between religion and tribal forces—for when social and political forces take over religion, only bad things can happen. 

We see it in the news every day. 

My humanism says to my theism, Take responsibility. Show a better way of theism that dissolves ignorance with insight and superstition with truth. Show a way into more Freedom, more Reason, more Tolerance. Yes, religion has inspired some of the worst examples of humanity, but it has also inspired some of the best. 

So let’s have some more of the best, and less of the worst. 

These are some ways in which humanism gives my theism hands and feet. Completes it. And there is one way more. I’m talking about the reverence that is at the heart of humanism. 

Philosopher Paul Woodruff describes reverence as essentially a capacity to appreciate and be in awe of things higher than oneself. Which means that it is also a capacity for feeling shame, when arrogance and pride have caused us to imagine that we ourselves are God and that the world must dance to our tune. We cry out, “Why did this bad thing happen to me!” but that reflects a serious sense of entitlement, and it is also a waste of time. It is a distraction from the better question which is, “What now?” 

If reverence calls us out of equating our personal egos with God, it also calls us into humane relationship with the living earth surrounding us and all its creatures. To the degree that any creature is conscious, and capable of determining its own living purposes and ends, we must step back from treating it like a mere tool, to satisfy our own wishes and wants. We must not enslave. We must not hijack. 

As much as we are in awe of the starry universe, we must be in awe of each other, and the fellow creatures that share our planet. 

What humanism says to my theism is this. It says, Anthony, if your theism can’t help develop your potentials to live deeply and fully into the one wild, precious life you have been given—if it leads you to violate the wild and precious lives of others—then throw it away. 

Theistic humanist that I am, I say to you today, whatever your chosen labels happen to be, words from that wonderful poem by Max Ehrmann, called Desiderata: 

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. 

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive God to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. 

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.

AMEN

Yesterday afternoon I went to an ICE Out of Marin rally and then to a meeting with the Board of Supervisors.  These are the remarks I shared during the public comment portion of the meeting.  I spoke right after our parish minister, the Reverend Marcus Hartlief who spoke with passion and eloquence.  I think we made a good tag team of UU ministers:

“When I accepted ordination into the ministry I pledged to speak, act and live as a voice of courage and of hope; to champion justice, freedom, and compassion and to serve all those who are in need.

Whether or not it was explicit, I believe all of you on the board of supervisors and our sheriff made a similar commitment when you accepted an elected office in the County of Marin.

You are here to serve the residents of this county, and most particularly those who are most vulnerable.

I know you try.  I know that sometimes the decisions you need to make are complicated and not easy.  This one is simple.

Our immigrant neighbors are living in fear. Their families are being torn apart. Their cries of anguish and despair should be stirring all of our hearts and calling us to compassionate action. We MUST stop cooperating with ICE.  We MUST stop publishing the damn release dates of those who have been incarcerated.  We MUST provide a sanctuary where all who are vulnerable are safe.  I pray, along with Reverend Marcus, that wisdom, compassion and courage will guide your decision. Thank you.”

Sigh, I was up slightly this week, but only .2 pounds, which is pretty much staying the same. Still a bit depressing as I am monitoring daily and stayed within my calorie goals.  Bodies are complicated, however,  so although what we do matters, the results are not always predictable or measurable.  It is the overall journey that is important.  At least that is what I keep telling myself.

It is also like the work for justice.  Progress is made, and then the forces of greed and hatred raise their ugly heads.  We have to keep trying to bend the arc.

I am still adjusting to the new group.  There were lots of new-to-me folks last night, and a lot of good tips from those that have been doing this longer.  The free flowing conversation is a bit disconcerting, with some people talking a lot and others saying nothing.  I’ll get used to it, but I found myself being quiet, not my usual mode of being.

Another new revelation for me was that we are actually supposed to continue reporting our activities (tracking calories and exercise) to our facilitator each week.  There are prizes involved! I will catch up on it, but I was completely clueless about the reporting requirements.  Our new exercise goal is 420 minutes per week, more than I have been doing lately.  Winter is harder because I can’t swim.  I could cheat and count my steps around the house, but no, there is no real point in faking it.  Maybe I will try 2 spins on the bike some days.  I can’t seem to manage more that 30 minutes at a sitting on the bike because, frankly, my rear end gets numb after 20 minutes or so.

This is a marathon, not a 50 yard dash.  Staying steady, and on pace, one step and one day at a time, is how to do it I think.  This is for the long haul.  Damn, I wish it was all easier.  I am going to a rally this afternoon for immigrant rights.  It is something that would have been a huge physical challenge for me a few months ago.  Change is possible, on all fronts.  This I believe.

(My stats for the last week – up .2  pounds, drank over 7 gallons of water and exercised for 260 minutes.  My cumulative weight loss so far is 66.4 pounds.)

Who has no idea? Who has all idea? #americanbabylon2endtimes #americanbabylon #samplemashing #looptrashing #electronicdemolitionmusic @ Unitarian-Universalist Fellowship of Rocky Mount https://www.instagram.com/p/BrDgeisnEWu/?utm_source=ig_twitter_share&igshid=y42qxn4phtsh …

This Unitarian Universalist Congregation is standing by their principles!! https://www.thestate.com/news/politics-government/article222573195.html …

Unitarian Universalism is an embodied faith; our theology proclaims that all our bodies are sacred and beautiful, and that our physical selves matter. Our faith is demanding; we are called to stretch ourselves and to be transformed.

For much of my life, I have lived in my head and my heart, and my body was mostly a vehicle for getting things done.  It was also a source of pleasure.  Among other physical pleasures, I have enjoyed bubble baths, soft kittens, and delicious food.  I spent time caring for my mind by studying, reading, and learning. I also tended to my heart and soul, through prayer and by opening the pathways of empathy and compassion, even when it was difficult. Despite my theology about the importance of the body, however, I mostly simply used it, ignoring what it might need to stay healthy.

I gained weight slowly over the years, and in some ways relished being fat.  In my large female body, I felt like I projected a safe presence, and the hugs I gave congregants seemed to be received as nurturing rather than sexual or threatening.  I did always ask before hugging someone new, however; prior trauma can be so easily triggered by touch. I was largely happy with my “earth-mother” image of myself. I did not enjoy squeezing myself into airplane seats, or enduring the indignities and judgements that society places upon fat people, but I loved myself and my body, just as it was. My dear wife also loved me, no matter what size I was.

But I forgot that my body needed my care and attention, and that just as my heart, brain, and spirit needed exercise to stay healthy, so did my body. I forgot that this faith demands a wholeness of mind, spirit, and body.  I forgot these words of the 16th century Unitarian, Michael Servetus:

“It is necessary to care for the body if we wish the spirit to function normally.”

Last year, I got a wake-up call, a revelation if you will. My health had begun to deteriorate, so much so that I had to leave a ministry earlier than planned.  Most of my health issues were made worse by the amount of weight I was carrying.  I knew this was true this time, despite the years of doctors implying that my weight was the cause of what were completely unrelated problems. I realized that if I was going to have a decent quality of life ever again, if I was going to be able to continue to work for justice, I needed to lose some serious weight.  Exercise wasn’t going to be enough; my body and I needed both physical and spiritual rehabilitation if we were going to survive.

I had never seriously dieted before and was very suspicious of the diet industry. To me, it symbolized both capitalism and misogyny, the policing and sexualizing of women’s bodies for profit and control.  One can be healthy at any size; I still believe that, but it wasn’t true for me, at least not any more.

I signed up for a medically supervised weight loss program through my health plan.  It isn’t easy, and has required intense concentration and focus, but the weight is coming off.  It is hard, but it is what I need. I am learning to tend my body in the same sorts of careful and attentive ways that I have always cared for my heart, my mind, and my soul and spirit.   My body is so much more than a vehicle; it is my home.  I have no regrets about my past habits, but it was time for me to go home. I needed a revelation to really understand that our minds, bodies, and souls are deeply interwoven, and that only when they work together can we live to our full potential.  Sometimes we need revelations – sometimes we need two, or three, or twenty-three. I am so glad that revelation is not sealed!

Thanksgiving Day was also the 30th birthday of our twins (the 2 sitting in chairs.)  And of course we had two cakes, neither of which I even tasted.  I actually left the room while everyone ate cake – part of why I had a successful Thanksgiving.  Weirdly enough for a holiday week, I lost 4.6 pounds, one of my highest weekly losses ever, which totally made up for the 2.2 pounds I gained the week before.  Since the dinner was just us, our 3 children, their partners, and Anne’s nephew Tom (who took this picture) I did not have to be shy about compulsively staying within my calorie budget.  I ate really lightly earlier in the day, weighed the turkey I ate and simply brought measuring cups and tablespoons to the table.  I had enough left in my budget to have 4 ounces of turkey, 3 tablespoons of gravy, 2 tablespoons of cranberry sauce, 1/4 cup of stuffing, 3/4 cup of roasted brussels sprouts, 1/2 cup of green bean casserole, 1/4 cups of roasted sweet potatoes, and a 1/2 cup of salad. The servings were small, but it was a feast!  It came in at 566 calories. (A Big Mac  w/out fries is 563).  It was more than I had eaten at one sitting in a long time and I felt more than satisfied.  Losing a good amount of weight the same week was just more “icing on that cake”- the one I did not eat!

I also realized this week that I am really grieving the strong bonds we had in class with the facilitator we had.  It was 30 weeks of intensive work together.  Now we are thrown into a group with both a new facilitator and a bunch of strangers who have been in the program longer.  I like the new facilitator and am enjoying the stories and wisdom of the veterans, but it is still a loss.  Losing my “fat lady’ identity is also a loss.  Every change in life involves a loss.  Change, even “good’ change, is always hard, but it is what life always is, if you are going to keep living it anyway.  It will take time to build up trust in the new group, but I am confident that it will happen.  I am going to work on helping it happen if I can.  It reminds me some of congregational work.  Everyone wants to hang out with their friends, and visitors can be ignored.  If we care about what we are doing, in church, or in a program that depends on mutual support, we all need to do what we can the build and strengthen community, inviting the stranger, the new-comer in.  I truly believe that diversity of all types is a blessing.  We can learn so much from those who have different life experiences.  It helps to have at least something in common, however, whether it is a commitment to losing weight or to creating a more just and peaceful world.

I am grateful for so much on this week after Thanksgiving.  Most especially the rain, which extinguished the fires and cleaned the air.

(My stats for the last week – down 4.8  pounds, drank over 7 gallons of water and exercised for 210 minutes.  My total weight loss so far is 66.6 pounds.)

This is Unitarian Universalist level irreligious

A lively & engaging crowd from the Clinton Center & Universalist Unitarian gathered on Sunday to talk about what issues they cared about in Little Rock & what they want from our next mayor. They are #VotingForBaker #BakerForChange #VoteForChange #VoteForBaker #OneUnitedCitypic.twitter.com/VzCtsjHTvi

This week I had what was only my second weekly weight gain that I have had since starting the program, but I know why.  I love mystery in general, but not when it comes to improving my health.  Three things contributed to my gain:  take out Thai food, shrimp tacos with sweet potato fries, and not exercising at all because of the terrible air quality.  I enjoyed the food, so maybe that was almost worth it, but the bad air had no positives to it.  With so many losing homes and loved ones in the devastating fires, it feels a little bad to whine about the smoky air, but breath is live, and when we can not breathe, it feels like we are dying.

I do not want to die.  At least not too soon.  I have more to do, not the least of which is trying to improve our environment so that our planet might continue to sustain life.

I WILL get on the stationary bike this week, and will meet the Thanksgiving dinner challenge with resolve.  I had a melt down yesterday, faced with the sight of the dinner rolls my wife had purchased for the meal.  After some tears and conversation, she froze the rolls and agreed to skip the mashed potatoes.  She is so wonderfully supportive and understood that the stuffing and gravy would be enough of a challenge for me.  I can avoid dessert easily. I have never really liked pumpkin pie anyway.   We are also having roasted brussels sprouts and I am roasting the sweet potatoes rather than coating them with butter, brown sugar, and marshmallows.  The kids are bring a salad and a healthier green bean casserole.  My plan is to measure out a small serving of dressing, a tablespoon or two of cranberry sauce, and a couple of dollops of gravy.  Turkey is a really good protein, low fat and low calorie, so I will have a healthy serving of that.  After that I will stick to the veggies.  I will likely go a bit over my calorie budget today, but that is OK.  Today is a day to feel thankful and not deprived.  I am grateful for my improving health and I have a strong desire not to sabotage my progress.  Wish me luck and grace!

(My stats for the last week – up 2.2 pounds, drank over 7 gallons of water and exercised for <30 minutes.  My total weight loss so far is 61.8 pounds.)

The taste of ashes is in our mouth

The smell is in our nose

The flames have ravaged hopes

And taken lives

The fires have roared

Our lungs have filled with smoke

As we wait for the rain

That must surely come

Then washed clean and reborn

We will rise from the ashes

Above the haze

On the wings of our dreams

I've got more #livemusic clips for ya... About a whole year's worth. This is from my #improvised set at #americanbabylon2endtimes .... @ Unitarian-Universalist Fellowship of… https://www.instagram.com/p/BqaOksvBAa2/?utm_source=ig_twitter_share&igshid=36hp23wujidd …

As part of #TransAwarenessWeek, Denton Unitarian Universalist Fellowship hosted a transgender awareness panel today for local trans folks to share their experiences and take questions from the audience. Check for coverage from the #DentonRC coming soon pic.twitter.com/nO5XVJkGPM

This statue looks so Soviet. On the facade of a church... @ The Community Church of New York Unitarian Universalist https://www.instagram.com/p/BqSohzEHOXv/?utm_source=ig_twitter_share&igshid=1ab6p2qb8czsq …

Bread communion this Sunday at 11am. #UU #Unitarianuniversalism

Join us Sunday at the 20th Annual Transgender Day Of Remembrance at 6 pm at All Souls Unitarian Universalist Church. #transrightsarehumanrights #neverforget #wontbeerased #tdor #COSprings #bemcc https://www.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2064160110312463&id=401711446557346 …

Last night was our first meeting with the new Lifestyles group.  The lifestyles group is composed of people who have finished the 30 week intensive.  We can attend the weekly meetings as long as we want and some people have been attending for way more than a year.  It was good to hear from those who are further along on the journey.  Us new kids composed about half of those in attendance last night.  It was both good and hard being with my peeps in a different environment.  The bonds between us are so strong that it will take awhile for us to blend and join with the others that have been there longer.  I liked the new facilitator and am hopeful she can help us accomplish a melding together so we can become one ongoing supportive group.  I did miss the intimacy and trust we have had in our smaller group and I hope that can both continue and expand.

This week has been impossible for exercise because of all the smoke from the horrible fires up north.  The air is classified as “unhealthy” for everyone, and I am in the “sensitive” group so have been coughing even when indoors with the air purifier running full blast.  My heart goes out to those who have lost homes and family in the fires.  We really do need to get a handle on climate change before the West goes up in flames and the East and South are completely devastated by monster hurricanes and floods.

I also had my RMR (resting metabolic rate) test this week and found that my body burns 1555 calories a day when I am doing absolutely nothing.  As a result, I am going to increase my calorie intake to 1350, which should still keep me on the weight loss path without going too low.  Even with virtually no exercise, I still lost 1.2 pounds last week.

Sadly, too, we closed the pool for the winter, so the stationary bike will have to do once the smoke clears.

I also got some new pants last week. They were both on sale and fit!  I am holding off on buying more as I hope to shrink out of the new ones before too long.

(My stats for the last week – 1.2 down  pounds, drank over 7 gallons of water and exercised for 30 minutes.  My total weight loss so far is 64 pounds.)