What Would Unitarian Universalists Do?

Excerpts from the Hickophonics Dictionary

The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington designating Southern slang as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone.

• HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.
• HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: Heidi, Hire yew?"
• BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
• JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
• BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage:"A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
• MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
• THANK - (verb) - Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Ah thank she's purdy."
• BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
• IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"
• RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
• ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
• FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
• TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
• TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
• RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
• FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."
• RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
• FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed..must be from some farn country."
• DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."
• EAR - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ear!"
• BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
• JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
• HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n' is laf."
• SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".
• VIEW - contraction: (verb) and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City...view?"
• GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."